Cub cadet 50 deck belt diagram
Help me build a Giratina VStar deck
2023.06.09 03:24 Shirswa Help me build a Giratina VStar deck
Help me build a Giratina VStar deck which isn't boring and doesn't take too long to set up :') (Maybe I don't know how to play) I'm really enjoying playing Arcanine ex (upgraded) deck. And the Giratina VStar (Upgraded) deck feels really slow. This is my current Deck
UPGRADED GIRATINA VSTAR:
Pokémon (16) 4 Comfey LOR 79 4 Giratina V LOR 130 3 Giratina VSTAR LOR 131 2 Sableye LOR 70 1 Cramorant LOR 50 1 Radiant Greninja ASR 46 1 Manaphy BRS 41
Trainer (31) 4 Colress's Experiment LOR 155 2 Boss's Orders BRS 132 2 Iono PAL 185 1 Roxanne ASR 150 4 Mirage Gate LOR 163 4 Battle VIP Pass FST 225 3 Nest Ball SVI 181 3 Switch Cart ASR 154 2 Escape Rope BST 125 2 Super Rod PAL 188 1 Lost Vacuum CRZ 135 1 Choice Belt BRS 135 2 Path to the Peak CRE 148
Energy (13) 4 Psychic Energy 5 3 Grass Energy 1 3 Water Energy 3 3 Jet Energy PAL 190
submitted by Shirswa to PTCGL [link] [comments]
UPGRADED GIRATINA VSTAR:
Pokémon (16) 4 Comfey LOR 79 4 Giratina V LOR 130 3 Giratina VSTAR LOR 131 2 Sableye LOR 70 1 Cramorant LOR 50 1 Radiant Greninja ASR 46 1 Manaphy BRS 41
Trainer (31) 4 Colress's Experiment LOR 155 2 Boss's Orders BRS 132 2 Iono PAL 185 1 Roxanne ASR 150 4 Mirage Gate LOR 163 4 Battle VIP Pass FST 225 3 Nest Ball SVI 181 3 Switch Cart ASR 154 2 Escape Rope BST 125 2 Super Rod PAL 188 1 Lost Vacuum CRZ 135 1 Choice Belt BRS 135 2 Path to the Peak CRE 148
Energy (13) 4 Psychic Energy 5 3 Grass Energy 1 3 Water Energy 3 3 Jet Energy PAL 190
2023.06.08 09:59 A_horse_a_piece77 "Yesterday's Soccer Mom Is Today's Domestic Extremist": A Guide To Surviving The Culture
 | Author and conservative commentator Peachy Keenan is sick and tired of yesterday's soccer mom being treated as today's "domestic extremist", in public discourse by media gatekeepers and government officials alike—and all the while parents are sheepishly and too easily abdicating their natural role as captains and defenders of the household. submitted by A_horse_a_piece77 to DoorCountyALT [link] [comments] https://twitter.com/KeenanPeachy/status/1666121050567110656 https://preview.redd.it/kdnwwyvt1r4b1.png?width=790&format=png&auto=webp&s=7afed3bdff34a513a8b78f22fe5e37368066ecad "They like to make us, the normal people, the moms and dads of America into extremists. But if you look around it's pretty easy to see who the real extremists are," Keenan told Harris Faulkner on Fox prime time Tuesday night. https://www.foxnews.com/video/6328922595112 She is calling for a back to the basics while writing from deep behind 'enemy lines': southern California. "Parenting is not a game. There is no do-over. You are all that stands between your small charges and the roiling storms ahead—and the band of purple-haired nonbinary pirates that’s about to storm the deck." Keenan has written a new handbook of sorts, or a practical guide to winning the culture war and protecting your family from the ravings of "Childless weirdos have taken over every institution we look to for guidance on how to raise good citizens..." You can find the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Domestic-Extremist-Practical-Winning-Culture/dp/1684513529/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Domestic+Extremist%3A+A+Practical+Guide+to+Winning+the+Culture+War&s=books&sr=1-1 Keenan holds nothing back in the following blistering commentary from her book [emphasis ZH]: It has become only too clear what this absence of parental authority has wrought. Truly insane people have taken over the American education system, Big Pharma, and Big Tech. They know the best way to reach the Final Solution of the American family is to focus on young, impressionable minds. We are enjoying the fruits of their labor now: an explosion of teen depression and suicide, an epidemic of children who are confused if they’re boys or girls, and an incredible 40 percent of Gen Z reporting that they are some letter in the ever-expanding alphabet soup known as LGBTQ+.https://preview.redd.it/q8pbczeb2r4b1.png?width=722&format=png&auto=webp&s=fb9352ba054a4f428fe4c11fad712f52188e5bfc https://twitter.com/CitizenFreePres/status/1666257317120323585 Who are the real extremists? The below is an excerpt from Domestic Extremist: A Practical Guide to Winning the Culture War, by Peachy Keenan, with permission of the author. The book is now available from Regnery. https://www.regnery.com/9781684513529/domestic-extremist/ * * * You had a baby? Look at you—you’re the captain now! Or are you? The words on a poster taped to a teacher’s classroom door at a New Jersey public school expose the precarious corner American parents have been painted into. “If your parents aren’t accepting of your identity, I’m your mom now.” The poster featured a drawing of a mama bear tending to her bear cubs, who are each painted the color of a different LGBTQ flag. Parents, I have bad news. You’ve got competition. Someone posted a job listing looking for a new authority figure in your house, and they hired everyone who applied. Lots of other adults, most of them unpleasant strangers, would like to raise your children for you—or at least get your children to hate you. This may already be happening—and you’ll be the last to know! All your hard work to keep creeps, perverts, and kiddie-sniffers away from your kids may get reversed in an instant when you’re not looking. Some parents are okay with this. They can barely handle “adulting” themselves and are thrilled not to make any tough parental decisions. Abdicating their natural role as master and commander of the household is lazy, but it’s a defensive posture. They live in terror of accusations from other parents of “closed-mindedness,” or worse, being a prude. American parents have either forgotten their innate, God-given authority over their household or surrendered it in the face of relentless pressure over many years from the outside. Just as millennia of trickling snowmelt can hollow out mighty granite mountains and turn them into canyons, a half-century of unchecked influence by feminists and far-left progressives have chipped away at the role of parents in their children’s lives. What is left is a barren wasteland, a valley of shadows, where mothers and fathers have been reduced to nothing more than the oldest dependents in the house. Your job as a parent is not easy, but it’s simple: feed, nurture, love, and protect. In the face of life-and-death danger—say, an escaped tiger or an ax-wielding lunatic—probably 100 percent of parents would risk their lives for their children, even die, without hesitation. So why are so many reluctant to defend their children from less obvious, but equally dangerous, scenarios? You can tell when you’re about to be trampled by elephants. It’s trickier when the trampling is invisible and being committed by a young teacher with peace stickers on xe/xer’s car. I’ll grant that having pro- nouns in your bio is not quite the same red flag as cruising a playground in a car with no door handles on the inside, but it’s still a red flag parents need to fear. People who manage to produce offspring are too often seduced into voluntarily surrendering their authority over them. They allow various “experts” to hold sway over their kids. Exhausted and confused, they willingly hand their kids off to the local public school teachers’ unions, the DEI struggle-session facilitators, the storytelling drag queens, and the sex-education consultants who arrive at school with teaching props, including wholesome kid-friendly items like dildos and anal lube. Above: School hangs poster that says, \"I'm Your Mom Now\" https://sanzi.substack.com/p/school-hangs-poster-on-the-door-that They all share a common goal: to dilute your authority and increase their own. They aim to groom America’s children from birth to become compliant consumers of all they wish to sell them: bespoke genders, any-term abortion, strictly enforced racial hierarchies, a lifetime of therapy, prescription drugs, and whatever political and social ideology they choose to upload into their brains. God forbid you are the only parent at your school who keeps your fifth grader home on Share Your Favorite Sex Toy Day. What will people say? Allow me to remind you gently: it’s your job to steer the ship, avoid icebergs, prevent scurvy, and stave off mutinies. Parenting is not a game. There is no do-over. You are all that stands between your small charges and the roiling storms ahead—and the band of purple-haired nonbinary pirates that’s about to storm the deck. Sexualized Early and Often Imagine being the only one at the PTA meeting who stands up and objects to your second grader studying detailed diagrams of adult genitalia, or your middle schoolers instructed on how to grant consent to anal sex. (These are real sex ed guidelines introduced in New Jersey public schools in 2020.) Your choices are stark: assert your authority over your children and get called a bigot or go along with the madness and let them take your child to places you don’t want them to go. How bad is it? Bad enough that Tiara Mack, a “reproductive justice advocate” and “child sex educator” running for state senator in Rhode Island tweeted this in 2021: “Really excited for the house sex ed bill hearing later today. Teaching comprehensive, queer inclusive, pleasure-based sex ed was a highlight of my time teaching.” This is who wants to talk to your six-year-old about how to “pleasure” themselves and their partner! The first step in any cult, or any abusive relationship, is to get the victim to sever ties to their outside friends and family. Maybe you’ve seen this happen to people you know. They suddenly change their phone number, delete their social media, and have a new friend now—one that has them spellbound. Once children come to believe their mom and dad are clueless bigots and racists who are holding them back from being who they are, the cult leaders own them. Government-run public schools have accomplished “regime change” in America and transformed us, slowly, from a society centered around the family, where the schools work for the parent, into a society centered around government employees, where families are required to supply the raw goods for the teachers’ unions to mold as they see fit. Year after year, their assembly lines have been left unsupervised to churn out freshly minted graduates. These graduates move on to college, where their high school indoctrination is hardened and polished by professors. The end product is a citizen who will go to his grave believing a set of Ministry of Truth–approved lies: “whiteness” is intrinsically evil, abortion is health care, there are dozens of genders, America was founded on racism and must be dismantled, marriage is oppressive and bad for women, children hold you back, and unchecked sexual “exploration” with a variety of partners of every gender is the surest path to emotional happiness. Sane people have a terrible choice to make: exercise parental authority over what their children are taught and risk financial ruin, social blackballing, and permanent cancellation—or allow their kids to be turned against them. When a teacher or government official replaces the parent as the ultimate authority in the child’s life, all bets are off. Educators know that any adult with the authority to influence a child has the power to expose said child to any radical or extreme ideas they want. To them, you are the extremist if you don’t think young children need to learn about sex and gender dysphoria yet. You are the extremist if you question a teacher or school administrator’s choice of books to read or lessons to teach. You are an extremely racist extremist if you’d rather not force a five-year-old to feel bad about the color of his skin and apologize for it. In California, students in middle school can ask their school to change their names and genders in the school computer system, and the school is not permitted to inform the parents. The school authorities and the teachers are legally allowed to conspire with eleven-year-olds in sixth grade to induct them into a cult and keep it secret. Literally “it’ll be our secret,” a classic groomer move. These government educational bureaucrats may not drive window-less vans and carry dirty magazines and candy bars to lure young boys (although let’s be honest, some do), but they are even more dangerous. Any parents who send a child into an environment like this, either knowingly or blindly, are forfeiting their authority over their kid. The Regime’s child-catchers are prowling the locker rooms and cafeterias looking for lost, confused pre-teens to cart off to Pleasure Island, where they can get transformed into donkeys without their parents’ consent. I wouldn’t be surprised if Disney is working on a new version of Pinocchio where he asks the Blue Fairy to turn him into a real girl. Parental Surrender Too many sentient adults seem to simply wait for a new update to the operating system to decide what to do with their kids. They unquestioningly accept the Current Parenting Thing, the rancid gruel served up as “education” at the local public school. They surrender their kids to the authorities, in all their forms: teachers, principals, pediatricians, drag queens reading stories, social media influencers, YouTubers, Disney, Netflix, TikTok, the Kardashians—anyone who is credentialed as a “kid expert” or “important” now holds more sway over American kids than their own mothers and fathers. “Who am I to tell my kids how to behave, or what to learn, or how to think about the world? I’m just a random person who had a baby. I made plenty of mistakes in my life. How can I possibly ask my children to obey me?” This is why we can’t have nice things. This is why healthy toddlers were kept in COVID masks for two years while they sat in sandboxes alone, outside, in rain or sleet. This is why you see massive brawls happening at middle schools, where kids punch their own teachers. This is why children are indoctrinated into the cult of trans, coached and groomed to say their pronouns, to switch genders, to explore various “sexualities” and “identities.” This is why mothers pimp out their own children as “drag kids” and put little boys in princess dresses and post the photos on Instagram while thousands of likes wash over them. This is what abdicating the parenting throne looks like. Childless weirdos have taken over every institution we look to for guidance on how to raise good citizens, and no, I’m not talking about Catholic priests. It has become only too clear what this absence of parental authority has wrought. Truly insane people have taken over the American education system, Big Pharma, and Big Tech. They know the best way to reach the Final Solution of the American family is to focus on young, impressionable minds. We are enjoying the fruits of their labor now: an explosion of teen depression and suicide, an epidemic of children who are confused if they’re boys or girls, and an incredible 40 percent of Gen Z reporting that they are some letter in the ever-expanding alphabet soup known as LGBTQ+. Everywhere, in every way, the fertile, fallow minds of children are being terraformed by people who identify as “fur baby” parents. I wouldn’t let fur baby parents walk my dog, let alone educate my eight-year-old. Authority Atrophied This is why you must exercise your parental authority early and often. You must speak up! “No, I don’t want you to ask my teenage son if he’s comfortable with his gender during his doctor visit.” “No, you can’t wear your sister’s Elsa dress to school today, because boys don’t wear dresses, now get in the car and never ask me that again.” “No, you can’t buy those shorts that display the entire lower half of your rear end.” “No, you can’t have a TikTok account, and if I find it on your phone, say goodbye to the phone.” Parental authority makes you the heavy in the house and the bouncer at the door. Pull on your big boy pants and lay down the law, or the law is going to lay down all over you. Peachy Keenan is author of Domestic Extremist: A Practical Guide to Winning the Culture War. |
2023.06.08 09:59 A_horse_a_piece77 "Yesterday's Soccer Mom Is Today's Domestic Extremist": A Guide To Surviving The Culture
 | Author and conservative commentator Peachy Keenan is sick and tired of yesterday's soccer mom being treated as today's "domestic extremist" in public discourse by media gatekeepers and government officials alike—and all the while parents are sheepishly and too easily abdicating their natural role as captains and defenders of the household. submitted by A_horse_a_piece77 to WisconsinUs [link] [comments] https://twitter.com/KeenanPeachy/status/1666121050567110656 https://preview.redd.it/078zp8gv1r4b1.png?width=790&format=png&auto=webp&s=f57ec8ab475fb228079af0757d6b906c49ec1b8a "They like to make us, the normal people, the moms and dads of America into extremists. But if you look around it's pretty easy to see who the real extremists are," Keenan told Harris Faulkner on Fox prime time Tuesday night. https://www.foxnews.com/video/6328922595112 She is calling for a back to the basics while writing from deep behind 'enemy lines': southern California. "Parenting is not a game. There is no do-over. You are all that stands between your small charges and the roiling storms ahead—and the band of purple-haired nonbinary pirates that’s about to storm the deck." Keenan has written a new handbook of sorts, or a practical guide to winning the culture war and protecting your family from the ravings of "Childless weirdos have taken over every institution we look to for guidance on how to raise good citizens..." You can find the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Domestic-Extremist-Practical-Winning-Culture/dp/1684513529/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Domestic+Extremist%3A+A+Practical+Guide+to+Winning+the+Culture+War&s=books&sr=1-1 Keenan holds nothing back in the following blistering commentary from her book [emphasis ZH]: It has become only too clear what this absence of parental authority has wrought. Truly insane people have taken over the American education system, Big Pharma, and Big Tech. They know the best way to reach the Final Solution of the American family is to focus on young, impressionable minds. We are enjoying the fruits of their labor now: an explosion of teen depression and suicide, an epidemic of children who are confused if they’re boys or girls, and an incredible 40 percent of Gen Z reporting that they are some letter in the ever-expanding alphabet soup known as LGBTQ+.https://preview.redd.it/8qucazob2r4b1.png?width=722&format=png&auto=webp&s=e2798bd1cdba17e1eb875dad8784bb2893bc2330 https://twitter.com/CitizenFreePres/status/1666257317120323585 Who are the real extremists? The below is an excerpt from Domestic Extremist: A Practical Guide to Winning the Culture War, by Peachy Keenan, with permission of the author. The book is now available from Regnery. https://www.regnery.com/9781684513529/domestic-extremist/ * * * You had a baby? Look at you—you’re the captain now! Or are you? The words on a poster taped to a teacher’s classroom door at a New Jersey public school expose the precarious corner American parents have been painted into. “If your parents aren’t accepting of your identity, I’m your mom now.” The poster featured a drawing of a mama bear tending to her bear cubs, who are each painted the color of a different LGBTQ flag. Parents, I have bad news. You’ve got competition. Someone posted a job listing looking for a new authority figure in your house, and they hired everyone who applied. Lots of other adults, most of them unpleasant strangers, would like to raise your children for you—or at least get your children to hate you. This may already be happening—and you’ll be the last to know! All your hard work to keep creeps, perverts, and kiddie-sniffers away from your kids may get reversed in an instant when you’re not looking. Some parents are okay with this. They can barely handle “adulting” themselves and are thrilled not to make any tough parental decisions. Abdicating their natural role as master and commander of the household is lazy, but it’s a defensive posture. They live in terror of accusations from other parents of “closed-mindedness,” or worse, being a prude. American parents have either forgotten their innate, God-given authority over their household or surrendered it in the face of relentless pressure over many years from the outside. Just as millennia of trickling snowmelt can hollow out mighty granite mountains and turn them into canyons, a half-century of unchecked influence by feminists and far-left progressives have chipped away at the role of parents in their children’s lives. What is left is a barren wasteland, a valley of shadows, where mothers and fathers have been reduced to nothing more than the oldest dependents in the house. Your job as a parent is not easy, but it’s simple: feed, nurture, love, and protect. In the face of life-and-death danger—say, an escaped tiger or an ax-wielding lunatic—probably 100 percent of parents would risk their lives for their children, even die, without hesitation. So why are so many reluctant to defend their children from less obvious, but equally dangerous, scenarios? You can tell when you’re about to be trampled by elephants. It’s trickier when the trampling is invisible and being committed by a young teacher with peace stickers on xe/xer’s car. I’ll grant that having pro- nouns in your bio is not quite the same red flag as cruising a playground in a car with no door handles on the inside, but it’s still a red flag parents need to fear. People who manage to produce offspring are too often seduced into voluntarily surrendering their authority over them. They allow various “experts” to hold sway over their kids. Exhausted and confused, they willingly hand their kids off to the local public school teachers’ unions, the DEI struggle-session facilitators, the storytelling drag queens, and the sex-education consultants who arrive at school with teaching props, including wholesome kid-friendly items like dildos and anal lube. Above: School Hangs poster on the door that says, \"I'm Your Mom Now\" https://sanzi.substack.com/p/school-hangs-poster-on-the-door-that They all share a common goal: to dilute your authority and increase their own. They aim to groom America’s children from birth to become compliant consumers of all they wish to sell them: bespoke genders, any-term abortion, strictly enforced racial hierarchies, a lifetime of therapy, prescription drugs, and whatever political and social ideology they choose to upload into their brains. God forbid you are the only parent at your school who keeps your fifth grader home on Share Your Favorite Sex Toy Day. What will people say? Allow me to remind you gently: it’s your job to steer the ship, avoid icebergs, prevent scurvy, and stave off mutinies. Parenting is not a game. There is no do-over. You are all that stands between your small charges and the roiling storms ahead—and the band of purple-haired nonbinary pirates that’s about to storm the deck. Sexualized Early and Often Imagine being the only one at the PTA meeting who stands up and objects to your second grader studying detailed diagrams of adult genitalia, or your middle schoolers instructed on how to grant consent to anal sex. (These are real sex ed guidelines introduced in New Jersey public schools in 2020.) Your choices are stark: assert your authority over your children and get called a bigot or go along with the madness and let them take your child to places you don’t want them to go. How bad is it? Bad enough that Tiara Mack, a “reproductive justice advocate” and “child sex educator” running for state senator in Rhode Island tweeted this in 2021: “Really excited for the house sex ed bill hearing later today. Teaching comprehensive, queer inclusive, pleasure-based sex ed was a highlight of my time teaching.” This is who wants to talk to your six-year-old about how to “pleasure” themselves and their partner! The first step in any cult, or any abusive relationship, is to get the victim to sever ties to their outside friends and family. Maybe you’ve seen this happen to people you know. They suddenly change their phone number, delete their social media, and have a new friend now—one that has them spellbound. Once children come to believe their mom and dad are clueless bigots and racists who are holding them back from being who they are, the cult leaders own them. Government-run public schools have accomplished “regime change” in America and transformed us, slowly, from a society centered around the family, where the schools work for the parent, into a society centered around government employees, where families are required to supply the raw goods for the teachers’ unions to mold as they see fit. Year after year, their assembly lines have been left unsupervised to churn out freshly minted graduates. These graduates move on to college, where their high school indoctrination is hardened and polished by professors. The end product is a citizen who will go to his grave believing a set of Ministry of Truth–approved lies: “whiteness” is intrinsically evil, abortion is health care, there are dozens of genders, America was founded on racism and must be dismantled, marriage is oppressive and bad for women, children hold you back, and unchecked sexual “exploration” with a variety of partners of every gender is the surest path to emotional happiness. Sane people have a terrible choice to make: exercise parental authority over what their children are taught and risk financial ruin, social blackballing, and permanent cancellation—or allow their kids to be turned against them. When a teacher or government official replaces the parent as the ultimate authority in the child’s life, all bets are off. Educators know that any adult with the authority to influence a child has the power to expose said child to any radical or extreme ideas they want. To them, you are the extremist if you don’t think young children need to learn about sex and gender dysphoria yet. You are the extremist if you question a teacher or school administrator’s choice of books to read or lessons to teach. You are an extremely racist extremist if you’d rather not force a five-year-old to feel bad about the color of his skin and apologize for it. In California, students in middle school can ask their school to change their names and genders in the school computer system, and the school is not permitted to inform the parents. The school authorities and the teachers are legally allowed to conspire with eleven-year-olds in sixth grade to induct them into a cult and keep it secret. Literally “it’ll be our secret,” a classic groomer move. These government educational bureaucrats may not drive window-less vans and carry dirty magazines and candy bars to lure young boys (although let’s be honest, some do), but they are even more dangerous. Any parents who send a child into an environment like this, either knowingly or blindly, are forfeiting their authority over their kid. The Regime’s child-catchers are prowling the locker rooms and cafeterias looking for lost, confused pre-teens to cart off to Pleasure Island, where they can get transformed into donkeys without their parents’ consent. I wouldn’t be surprised if Disney is working on a new version of Pinocchio where he asks the Blue Fairy to turn him into a real girl. Parental Surrender Too many sentient adults seem to simply wait for a new update to the operating system to decide what to do with their kids. They unquestioningly accept the Current Parenting Thing, the rancid gruel served up as “education” at the local public school. They surrender their kids to the authorities, in all their forms: teachers, principals, pediatricians, drag queens reading stories, social media influencers, YouTubers, Disney, Netflix, TikTok, the Kardashians—anyone who is credentialed as a “kid expert” or “important” now holds more sway over American kids than their own mothers and fathers. “Who am I to tell my kids how to behave, or what to learn, or how to think about the world? I’m just a random person who had a baby. I made plenty of mistakes in my life. How can I possibly ask my children to obey me?” This is why we can’t have nice things. This is why healthy toddlers were kept in COVID masks for two years while they sat in sandboxes alone, outside, in rain or sleet. This is why you see massive brawls happening at middle schools, where kids punch their own teachers. This is why children are indoctrinated into the cult of trans, coached and groomed to say their pronouns, to switch genders, to explore various “sexualities” and “identities.” This is why mothers pimp out their own children as “drag kids” and put little boys in princess dresses and post the photos on Instagram while thousands of likes wash over them. This is what abdicating the parenting throne looks like. Childless weirdos have taken over every institution we look to for guidance on how to raise good citizens, and no, I’m not talking about Catholic priests. It has become only too clear what this absence of parental authority has wrought. Truly insane people have taken over the American education system, Big Pharma, and Big Tech. They know the best way to reach the Final Solution of the American family is to focus on young, impressionable minds. We are enjoying the fruits of their labor now: an explosion of teen depression and suicide, an epidemic of children who are confused if they’re boys or girls, and an incredible 40 percent of Gen Z reporting that they are some letter in the ever-expanding alphabet soup known as LGBTQ+. Everywhere, in every way, the fertile, fallow minds of children are being terraformed by people who identify as “fur baby” parents. I wouldn’t let fur baby parents walk my dog, let alone educate my eight-year-old. Authority Atrophied This is why you must exercise your parental authority early and often. You must speak up! “No, I don’t want you to ask my teenage son if he’s comfortable with his gender during his doctor visit.” “No, you can’t wear your sister’s Elsa dress to school today, because boys don’t wear dresses, now get in the car and never ask me that again.” “No, you can’t buy those shorts that display the entire lower half of your rear end.” “No, you can’t have a TikTok account, and if I find it on your phone, say goodbye to the phone.” Parental authority makes you the heavy in the house and the bouncer at the door. Pull on your big boy pants and lay down the law, or the law is going to lay down all over you. Peachy Keenan is author of Domestic Extremist: A Practical Guide to Winning the Culture War. |
2023.06.08 03:05 TheDuzzyFuckling A Breakdown of the Splash Hits at Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T/Oracle Park
 | On Friday, June 2nd, 2023, Giants' first baseman Lamonte Wade, Jr. smoked the opening pitch of the game into McCovey Cove to take a 1-0 lead over the visiting Orioles. The historic home run was the 100th round tripper hit into the water by a Giants player since the best stadium in baseball (sorry Pittsburgh) opened in the year 2000. submitted by TheDuzzyFuckling to mlb [link] [comments] While I found helpful data sources on MLB.com and Baseball Almanac, I wanted to dig a little deeper into Splash Hit data by both the Giants and opposing teams, specifically because I knew Barry Bonds had the most waterballs, but I had NO idea who was #2. Let me throw some fun facts at you first - these will be great trivia questions for the other, more offline baseball fans in your life. Splash Hit Fun Facts
Splash Hits by Giants PlayerHere is the graph showing the top thirteen Splash Hit bombers for the Giants. No surprise that Barry Bonds is alone at the top (and will probably stay there until we get Ohtani next season).Take a shot if you thought you'd see Aubrey Huff in this post. I was pretty surprised that Brandon Belt was #2, considering that he never achieved the power numbers it seemed like he could. Regardless, hitting almost one Splash Hit per year as a Giant was enough to get him there. It's great to see current players Yaz, Lamonte, and Joc moving up each season, and I think Joc will take #2 from Belt if he stays a few more years. DataGiants Splash Hits
Count of Giants Splash Hits by Player
Count of Splash Hits Surrendered by Giants Pitchers
Opposing Players Splash Hits
Count of Splash Hits by Opposing Team
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2023.06.07 20:28 Mpm_277 Deck belt broke on my Cub Cadet LYX1050. One of the pulleys is has a lot of wobble.
 | Anyone know how to fix this or what the issue is? submitted by Mpm_277 to lawnmowers [link] [comments] |
2023.06.07 02:13 Tunnelboy77 Mystery issue cam bucket lifter shim
 | submitted by Tunnelboy77 to autorepair [link] [comments] Diagram of valve system for this car. tl;dr Valve bucket lifter shim keeps popping off. Nobody can figure it out. So nobody has been able to figure out how/why this happens. Toyota 4runner 2006 w V8 2UZ-FE and 70k miles. Was driving about 75 miles away from home when all of the sudden the engine started stuttering and CEL came on. I pulled over and happen to have my scanner with me. It tripped a lot of codes that ended up not being meaningful to this particular problem. Towed the vehicle back home and checked a bunch of stuff out. I thought the timing belt might have skipped a tooth or two. Anyway, a lot of research later and I found that the #5 valve was stuck open ever so slightly. Pulled off valve covers and finally found the culprit. See diagram above. This engine uses bucket lifters with little shims under the bucket. I ran it by a bunch of mechanics. Professionals and friends. Most (including myself) thought it was either a bent valve or a broken spring. I removed the camshaft, bucket and shim and pushed down on the valve and it was smooth as poop. No resistance or stickiness whatsoever. Put everything back together, changed timing belt while I was there and carefully tested clearance between bucket and cam. Moved a few shims around to get every valve to spec. Drove it around perfectly for about 200 miles. Then it did it again! I decided to pull the heads. It HAD to be a bent valve, or sticky bucket. I brought the heads to a reputable shop and told them specifically to call me when they had it apart as I wanted to see the valve, spring, bucket and bucket bore. I went down there, and all was immaculate. Valve was perfect, everything was perfect. I had them go through with the valve job while it was all disassembled. Got the heads back and have put them on. About 80% done. That's where I'm at now. Now I'm wondering whether I should just replace the engine. Can't figure this one out. Does anybody have any thoughts on this?
Me? I went to 3 years of vocational auto tech and 2 years at State University of NY for auto tech. Was a mechanic for a few years and then got into something cleaner. Have done probably a dozen valve jobs, but never a whole engine overhaul. |
2023.06.06 03:49 keradius Deck Motor Fault, LT42e 2020
 | I have an XT1 LT42e that i purchased back in 2020. It has about 40 hours of total run on it (it spent more days in the shop than hours mowing). I have a couple acres to mow. submitted by keradius to cubcadet [link] [comments] This year i managed to have a few runs but on the last one the motors shut off with Deck Motor Fault. Initially I assumed it may have overheated or the cables disconnected again from the vibrations (which happens regularly). However each time I try to restart the blades, they just engage and within milliseconds they stop and I get the "Deck Motor Fault" again. I removed the deck, cleaned it, removed and cleaned the blades, but still same behavior :( This mower has been nothing but pain. I already had 2 warranty calls on it with motors being swapped each time. But every trip to the shop costs me $250 to haul the mower there (not under warranty) and hundreds to have my property mowed by professionals as it usually takes weeks to repair. So i am hoping to avoid yet another trip to the shop. Are there any ways to diagnose further? Any advice on how to best engage Cub Cadet on this? I am still under warranty this year. |
2023.06.05 16:26 planet_alex Cub cadet stamped deck mulch kit fix.
 | Had to print a fix to keep the mulch door closed. I got tired of tightening the “wire solution” that came with it. It came off and got sucked into the mow. This one pushes it closed right from the top using screws that came in the deck. submitted by planet_alex to lawnmowers [link] [comments] It makes no sense why they can’t make a lid that stays shut? It doesn’t seem complicated compared to the rest of the engineering involved in designing an entire machine.🤷🏽♂️. Decks seem the same to me now fort what? 8 decades? I don’t know. Sorry for the rant. It’s getting hot out there. |
2023.06.05 15:19 Army_Bot Summary For: Weekly Question Thread (05/29/2023 to 06/04/2023)
Hi! Does anyone know the policy on sending a private in basic a portable charger? I did already get the green light to send it by a former DS that i know, but was wondering if anything special needs to be done regarding how it is sent? Thanks in advance.
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I'm going to transitioning from the Navy to the Army via an interservice transfer. I have four years, a deployment, and a lot of memories under my belt. I am electing to come back in as an O-1 into the Army as I have no interest in the limited job prospects that an O-3 with no Army experience would bring me, and frankly I don't give a shit -- it's just 4 years. My (fairly promising, at least based on what the Army side said) goal is to eventually be infantry.
Coming in as a new Army officer, what should I expect, both from the position of coming from a different branch and generally as a "new guy" Army officer?
What stuff (most likely) stays the same coming a ship, specifically ship-life? What changes the most?
How best can I take care of my people while still accomplishing the mission? I know this looks very different between branches. It's always a delicate balance.
What does the "daily grind" of a combart arms community look like? What's the "unnecessary BS day-to-day" that you guys get up to? (I can think of plenty of examples in the Navy, but I'm not sure they translate 1:1).
BONUS: What are your best and worst interaction stories with your fresh LTs?
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Im 25 with a bachelors in CyberSecurity, also an Eagle Scout. Have not done much volunteer or team leadership since then. Nor do I have much work experiance.
Am I too uncompetitive for an OCS slot for 17X?
I spoke to a recruiter who mentioned going enlisted at E4 with 17C, then after 1 year of training and 1 of actual work, applying for OCS then.
Is that a realistic scenario or classic recruiter talk getting my hopes up in order to boost elistment numbers?
Prior medical history includes inactive IBS + depression from a couple years back.
Also, what are the timeframes for getting in with both of these options?
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Is it worth getting Emt certified or Paramedic certified before going Army? I got DQ at meps and was told I need to wait a year due to medication I was on last year. I'm trying to find something to fill my time for when I'm able to enlist next year. Is this a good idea or a waste of time?
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I have been recently promoted, and clothing and sales is currently out of stock of my current rank, so I am unable to update my AGSU. We have room and uniform inspections soon, and my first line is attempting to make me wear my AGSU with incorrect rank. I have been looking through AR670-1 as well as AR700-84 trying to see if there is a reg against this, but have been unsuccessful in finding one. If there isn’t, I’ll deal, but I’m not too keen on wearing a previous rank. Any help backed by regs would be appreciated
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I’m going National Guard. I’m still working through the beginning process with my recruiter. Here’s the catch: I wasn’t born in the US. I was born in Kazakhstan.
I was never naturalized because when I was adopted into my family in 2002, the Child Citizenship Act passed in 2000 stating that the amendment is “to provide for the automatic acquisition of U.S. citizenship when certain conditions have been met.” — I have met these conditions and am a legal citizen of 22 years (Section 320 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. This amendment states that I also do not need a certificate of citizenship, which I never applied for as I legally do not need one.)
I have a passport, a social security card, a legal photo ID and a birth certificate. I DO HAVE a permanent resident card, but it expired years ago. I was a baby when my parents got it and they never renewed it. However, I am a US Citizen. I’ve lived here my entire life. The problem is, my recruiter insists that I must have that Permanent Resident Card up to date. I would do it in a heartbeat, but it costs $500.
Why is my passport, ID, SS card or birth certificate not enough to prove my citizenship? I’m frustrated and my parents are getting short with me constantly asking about it.
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Kind of a situational question. My wife is scheduled for C Section June 21st and it looks like I may get PCS orders before then. If I do, and the kid comes, what do I do? Soonest my wife’s doc says she can move is 6 weeks postpartum and my wife can’t look after our first kid and newborn while she recovers from surgery. Is there anything I can do to report closer to the end of baby leave? I’m a geobachelor.
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I just have a couple questions about how having a GED will affect my enlistment. I've heard it makes you ineligible for bonuses, but what about contract options? Could I still get an Option 4 contract? Option 19? If not, how many college credits would I need to move into the Tier 1 education category?
also, how do you increase your chances of going to certain schools (Airborne, Air Assault, Ranger, etc) if it's not in your contract? Going in as a 68W (Combat Medic) if that makes a difference
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Is there some regulation against sending a SM on a deployment/rotation when they are very close to ETS? Say 6 months out?
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Im a dumbass and made and said a lot of stupid ass shit that some hater who had it out for me has been basically (not really) 'blackmailing' me with that was on my laptop (private, never uploaded) which he hacked into . It was a bunch of questionable shit I said that basically makes me paranoid reasonably that I could possibly be court martial'd but I was never arrested or anything, and I'm sure the guy would upload it again if I joined the Military just to tarnish my good name. I said all this when I was 18 , but basically this dude came to my house and threatened my family with a knife and I responded, 'not so good' , and as a result, I was basically 5150'd and had lied to the people saying I was suicidal resulting in a medical documentation which has made me fearful of ever going to MEPS. So at the time I was 'isolated' so in attempt to expose the fact that there was a legitimate danger I reasonably tried to court attention on Twitter and basically did and said everything that could ever allow me to hold a security clearance before deleting it.
My perception of the event was that he was threatening my family with a knife, but to the outside world, he simply slashed my families tires. Basically he baited me and fell for it. There was much more to the story but if I could go back in time I probably would not have reacted the way I did but I was 18 and my mind was barely developing.
I was 5150'd and I was told I could never hold public office and I am barred from the Medical field . This of course was a lie, but it's BASICALLY on my Medical record and it's a huge red flag. So naturally, unable to join the Military, I was unable to complete my mission and of course, was put on medication for some time (7 months) until I can figure out what to do. So I been working warehouse jobs ever since that day . I am 23 years old now, the incident happened when I was 18. I was and still am a cross country runner who is fit and healthy , who can complete the physical requirements just fine but the 'Moral' and 'Medical' is what's preventing me from joining, open to debate. I haven't made the same dumb mistake of reacting to my families tires being slashed since and learned from that experience .
Obviously the Police knows what was on my laptop because this dude went around with the unauthorized material he was not allowed to have and actually put the content in DVD's around the city hoping someone would pick it up and read it , and I actually worked at a warehouse which actually had a police officer who worked there at the warehouse to check the hard drives for CP (i dont know the deal about that) , and he found the very same DVD filled with the content of my basically unhinged responses that I never uploaded to the internet .
Basically this dude mentally ruined my life but I wasn't the only 1 he has done this to, he has hacked into multiple people's laptops and slashed other people's tires before and distributed information and he has been arrested in the past .
I was wondering if I could be court martial'd for unprofessional conduct before I even join the military or am I just overthinking this? I basically had this huge 4 hour clip of a rant about his twitter account on my laptop that was perfectly constitutional legal but if you took things out of context it sounds like something that would have me arrested if I was in the military , and I never uploaded it, nor planned to. maybe it's just all in my head but as you can imagine , the real problem isn't my speeches that were on my laptop but the 5150'd , which was at the time and information I had at my disposable,a completely reasonable reaction to a violent threat.
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PCS’ing to Schofield tomorrow, any tips?
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Does anyone know if you still have to have a physical copy of your profile on you? I remember reading somewhere that you don't and your commander can look at it
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I recently graduated college and am looking for advice in terms of what I should expect/request in my contract for 68W MOS. I got my B.A. in cellular biology in the beginning of May and have been set on enlisting since my junior year; now that I'm in the last couple of steps with my recruiter before going to MEPS, I wanted to know if there was anything I should ask for based on my scores/degree (520 MCAT, 99 ASVAB, 146 GT) in terms of rank or guaranteed admission to schools (such as Airborne) coming in. I am looking at the 2-year contract as of now because I do want to apply to medical school down the line. If I enjoy my time, I am open to staying longer in the Army. However, there are some characteristics I currently need to work on that I know enlistment will provide (as opposed to OCS which would mean an extended contract) in addition to education benefits. Also, the alternative would have been doing a gap year in a lab or clinic which doesn't pay much better and is something I have done my fair share of. Any help is appreciated; thank you.
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This is kind of a weird question but i really want to join the army but my family is telling me that it’s impossible for me to join because unfortunately my parents passed by suicide and that alone will disqualify me. I’ve tried googling it and looking all over the internet to find a. Answer but I can’t find it. Is there any truth to that? Thanks if answered.
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I’m a drill right now and I’m looking at being Force reclassed and looking for a new MOS. I saw 51C and was curious if anyone knew what the day to day looked like? Or if anyone knew of any MOSs that were chill 9-5 jobs.
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How does the average person become an officer in the 75th or special forces? Even for support roles, don't most people have to go through the qualification training and fail?
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Do you ever feel remorse for the innocent civilians you slaughter in the name of imperialism and the military industrial complex?
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I've always had a draw to service, but my athletic opportunities usually kept me from it. Out of high school, I had the opportunity to play college baseball and passed up on trying the academy route. Once I got halfway through college, I wanted to try ROTC, but I was a starter on the baseball team and balls deep in a mechanical engineering course load, so it didn't seem feasible to add to my plate.
Now, I'm going on 24 with 2 years of experience as an ME in product development. Is there a military route for someone like me who does have a college degree, but is beyond the point of an ROTC college program? Is my specific degree useful for the military?
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I'm joining the Army soon, within a month or two. I've come up with an MOS list I made based on what I'm interested in (this is NOT a list of my available jobs based on my ASVAB score, just some jobs that sounded interesting based on the field I was looking into). I was mostly considering Logistics and Supply, but I am open to other potential fields, and jobs that aren't in the list below. Like I said, I want to do something in logistics and supply, but more so, just something non-combative that allows me to travel to most bases. What do you guys think about it? Any recommendations? I do plan to do something in law enforcement after I get out, but my MOS does not have to relate to that. Here is the list. The first two are the ones I'm currently considering, and the ones in parentheses are the ones I'm interested in.
(Cargo Specialist 88H)
(Unit Supply Specialist 92Y)
(Automated Logistics Specialist 92A)
(Ammunition Specialist 89B)
Ammunition Stock Control and Accounting Specialist 89A
(Corrections/Detention Specialist 31E)
Culinary Specialist 92G
Medical Logistics Specialist 68J
(Military Police 31B)
(Motor Transport Operator 88M)
Petroleum Supply Specialist 92F
Transportation Management Coordinator 88N
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Can someone please answer this question? If by some chance a person is granted a moral waiver for one felony possession charge on their record Will that allow you to join infantry or be around guns in general? Or would you have to have your firearm rights restored?
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Do you guys still have to have an NBC mask as part of the uniform when out in the field? If yes, do you still practice going into full MOPP gear?
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Completely off topic to Army. Has anyone used a gaems vanguard with the steam deck? Found one for cheap for field purposes but I can't find anything that says it works or not with the deck.
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30 year old with great Asvab and physical tests, no medical problems other than anxiety counseling in 2020. Problem 1: I have a large hand tattoo on my right hand. It’s a animal with some foliage and stuff. It is not on knuckles but descends from half sleeve down wrist and over top of hand.
Issue 2: I was discharged from navy boot camp in 2019. Long story. Mental health and personal reasons. I have an re-4 jfc on my dd 214. ( navy parting gift) I have authorized documents of treatment for my condition signed from doctor and no treatment or problems with mental health since early 2020 and no medication ever needed. Is there any shot I’d get approved for enlistment in the army ? @7hillsrecruiting
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Can someone please describe the process of renrolling into DLC? I did not complete it in the 720 day window however I am not barred from reenlistment (yet).
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Hey there ! I’m working things out to go to sign a 37F contract in the USAR soon since I had a high enough score on my ASVAB, but my recruiter confirmed that I would have to go to FSPC or Fat Camp due to being 2% over what’s allowed for body fat before I attend basic. I don’t mind basically getting paid to workout and learn about nutrition, but I’d love tips and just overall things to prep for before I have to ship out to it.
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i got Fort Sill as my first duty station im a 94T and i have family how is the on post housing or should i just rent a house off post
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I have a uniform question that i can not seem to figure out using ar670-1 or the pam currently i have been wearing my improvised hot weather combat uniform but the one i was issued back in 2019 apparently is the first generation that has the mesh lining in the pants and no velcro on the top of the shoulder pockets and my first line was telling me he doesnt think this is authorized anymore since a newer version was released so he asked me to look into the regulations but i cant find anything saying if i can or cant where it the most i know as of right now is the ihwcu is authorized but i have an older version apparently but its also what they issued me at ocie so im trying to find if anyone can help me out or knows if i can still where this i dont wanna buy a whole other uniform just because this doesnt have velcro on the top of these pockets
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What is the most realistic special operations group someone can join for the average person?
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Do you need a DA Form 1610 to attend the BAC? Fort Moore's website states you cannot attend BAC in a leave status, but how would anyone walk on if that's the case? And soldiers do walk on, I've heard firsthand.
I'm attempting to attend Airborne on leave before I PCS, is it possible? I just commissioned, and will be working for Cadet Command all summer before I PCS to BOLC.
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Can i join the ranger Special forces with a red/green color blind?
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Is someone able to join if blind in one eye
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As a prior enlisted, when I go to meps will the councilor just tell me my duty station I’m headed to after I pick my Mos? Will I have any say? How does that work from your experience
Any personal opinions and experienced insight is appreciated
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If someone becomes an intel officer, can they tryout for the 75th or the special forces?
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I have just returned from TDY, for Family separation pay, do I need to fill out 1561, or is it a special pay request on IPPS-A. Can’t find any answer from S-1, or other SM. Any help would be appreciative.
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I want to join the army, Can I pick a supply Mos with a ASVAB score of 41 and CL of 90 ?? The army website says yes I just wanted to know if the website is accurate. (92A/92y) Mos
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How long does it take for my rank to update in my email? I was promoted to SGT yesterday and it didn't update yet. It updated automatically for others in my unit. Do I need to update my CAC?
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I'm enlisting in the Army Reserve as a 35L and soon to go to basic in a few weeks. I have a couple of questions that are hovering over me since I'm counting down the days to basic training. I'm a lot older then most of the trainees are going to be in basic. I fear if I get injured or recycle for whatever reason. Will they change my mos because I didn't meet the allotted time slot for 35L AlT? Will I become over holdover until the next class? How frequent are the courses if held over? And also to add if any directions toward course work should I start studying to familiarize myself with?
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Anyone have an idea on what finance battalions are? Gonna be shipping out as 36B and I generally understand what the job will entail but lots of the comments I’ve read say “oh they’re reforming 36B into finance battalions”. Is this a good or bad thing?
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Prior service coming in; USMC to Army, E5. I’ve already gotten some good anti-cringe advice on general differences between the branches of service, but if anybody has advice on stuff to bring/not bring to AIT (I only got a bootcamp packing list) or tips I’m all ears.
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Is it common for people to become shorter from the ruck marches?
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Can you have nicotine in AIT, may be useful to add that I’m doing split training where I do basic one summer then do AIT the next.
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How does reclassing work? My window will be hitting soon and it’s time to move on. Will I have any Mos available to me? Duty station as well? I heard a lot about undeover strength Mos and how they affect reclassing. Any info on how it works would be great. Thanks fellas
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Is having a iep when I was in school a disqualifyer if not do I need a waivet
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I can barely do 5 push-ups, and I’m leaving for army basic combat training in 1 week, any recommendations?
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Pollen Allergies @ BCT Jackson
I am shipping out to basic training at the end of June. Has anyone had any experience with sick call during training and/or reception when dealing with seasonal/pollen allergies?
If this affected you, did you get prescribed anything or go to sick call any once in a while? I lived in GA for a stint and the pollen down south was not my friend so trying to prepare for the worst if possible. Not taking any meds right now.
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Can MPs join the 82 Airborne
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just graduated AIT, would it be possible to trade my duty station with another soldier for both of our benefits and we're both consenting ? he's got schofield hawaii and i have fort george meade maryland, im a pv2 he's a PFC and we have the exact same training and MOS? thanks.
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submitted by Army_Bot to army [link] [comments]
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Coming in as a new Army officer, what should I expect, both from the position of coming from a different branch and generally as a "new guy" Army officer?
What stuff (most likely) stays the same coming a ship, specifically ship-life? What changes the most?
How best can I take care of my people while still accomplishing the mission? I know this looks very different between branches. It's always a delicate balance.
What does the "daily grind" of a combart arms community look like? What's the "unnecessary BS day-to-day" that you guys get up to? (I can think of plenty of examples in the Navy, but I'm not sure they translate 1:1).
BONUS: What are your best and worst interaction stories with your fresh LTs?
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Am I too uncompetitive for an OCS slot for 17X?
I spoke to a recruiter who mentioned going enlisted at E4 with 17C, then after 1 year of training and 1 of actual work, applying for OCS then.
Is that a realistic scenario or classic recruiter talk getting my hopes up in order to boost elistment numbers?
Prior medical history includes inactive IBS + depression from a couple years back.
Also, what are the timeframes for getting in with both of these options?
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I was never naturalized because when I was adopted into my family in 2002, the Child Citizenship Act passed in 2000 stating that the amendment is “to provide for the automatic acquisition of U.S. citizenship when certain conditions have been met.” — I have met these conditions and am a legal citizen of 22 years (Section 320 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. This amendment states that I also do not need a certificate of citizenship, which I never applied for as I legally do not need one.)
I have a passport, a social security card, a legal photo ID and a birth certificate. I DO HAVE a permanent resident card, but it expired years ago. I was a baby when my parents got it and they never renewed it. However, I am a US Citizen. I’ve lived here my entire life. The problem is, my recruiter insists that I must have that Permanent Resident Card up to date. I would do it in a heartbeat, but it costs $500.
Why is my passport, ID, SS card or birth certificate not enough to prove my citizenship? I’m frustrated and my parents are getting short with me constantly asking about it.
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also, how do you increase your chances of going to certain schools (Airborne, Air Assault, Ranger, etc) if it's not in your contract? Going in as a 68W (Combat Medic) if that makes a difference
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My perception of the event was that he was threatening my family with a knife, but to the outside world, he simply slashed my families tires. Basically he baited me and fell for it. There was much more to the story but if I could go back in time I probably would not have reacted the way I did but I was 18 and my mind was barely developing.
I was 5150'd and I was told I could never hold public office and I am barred from the Medical field . This of course was a lie, but it's BASICALLY on my Medical record and it's a huge red flag. So naturally, unable to join the Military, I was unable to complete my mission and of course, was put on medication for some time (7 months) until I can figure out what to do. So I been working warehouse jobs ever since that day . I am 23 years old now, the incident happened when I was 18. I was and still am a cross country runner who is fit and healthy , who can complete the physical requirements just fine but the 'Moral' and 'Medical' is what's preventing me from joining, open to debate. I haven't made the same dumb mistake of reacting to my families tires being slashed since and learned from that experience .
Obviously the Police knows what was on my laptop because this dude went around with the unauthorized material he was not allowed to have and actually put the content in DVD's around the city hoping someone would pick it up and read it , and I actually worked at a warehouse which actually had a police officer who worked there at the warehouse to check the hard drives for CP (i dont know the deal about that) , and he found the very same DVD filled with the content of my basically unhinged responses that I never uploaded to the internet .
Basically this dude mentally ruined my life but I wasn't the only 1 he has done this to, he has hacked into multiple people's laptops and slashed other people's tires before and distributed information and he has been arrested in the past .
I was wondering if I could be court martial'd for unprofessional conduct before I even join the military or am I just overthinking this? I basically had this huge 4 hour clip of a rant about his twitter account on my laptop that was perfectly constitutional legal but if you took things out of context it sounds like something that would have me arrested if I was in the military , and I never uploaded it, nor planned to. maybe it's just all in my head but as you can imagine , the real problem isn't my speeches that were on my laptop but the 5150'd , which was at the time and information I had at my disposable,a completely reasonable reaction to a violent threat.
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Now, I'm going on 24 with 2 years of experience as an ME in product development. Is there a military route for someone like me who does have a college degree, but is beyond the point of an ROTC college program? Is my specific degree useful for the military?
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(Cargo Specialist 88H)
(Unit Supply Specialist 92Y)
(Automated Logistics Specialist 92A)
(Ammunition Specialist 89B)
Ammunition Stock Control and Accounting Specialist 89A
(Corrections/Detention Specialist 31E)
Culinary Specialist 92G
Medical Logistics Specialist 68J
(Military Police 31B)
(Motor Transport Operator 88M)
Petroleum Supply Specialist 92F
Transportation Management Coordinator 88N
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Issue 2: I was discharged from navy boot camp in 2019. Long story. Mental health and personal reasons. I have an re-4 jfc on my dd 214. ( navy parting gift) I have authorized documents of treatment for my condition signed from doctor and no treatment or problems with mental health since early 2020 and no medication ever needed. Is there any shot I’d get approved for enlistment in the army ? @7hillsrecruiting
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I'm attempting to attend Airborne on leave before I PCS, is it possible? I just commissioned, and will be working for Cadet Command all summer before I PCS to BOLC.
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Any personal opinions and experienced insight is appreciated
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I am shipping out to basic training at the end of June. Has anyone had any experience with sick call during training and/or reception when dealing with seasonal/pollen allergies?
If this affected you, did you get prescribed anything or go to sick call any once in a while? I lived in GA for a stint and the pollen down south was not my friend so trying to prepare for the worst if possible. Not taking any meds right now.
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2023.06.05 15:19 Army_Bot Summary For: Weekly Question Thread (05/29/2023 to 06/04/2023)
Hi! Does anyone know the policy on sending a private in basic a portable charger? I did already get the green light to send it by a former DS that i know, but was wondering if anything special needs to be done regarding how it is sent? Thanks in advance.
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I'm going to transitioning from the Navy to the Army via an interservice transfer. I have four years, a deployment, and a lot of memories under my belt. I am electing to come back in as an O-1 into the Army as I have no interest in the limited job prospects that an O-3 with no Army experience would bring me, and frankly I don't give a shit -- it's just 4 years. My (fairly promising, at least based on what the Army side said) goal is to eventually be infantry.
Coming in as a new Army officer, what should I expect, both from the position of coming from a different branch and generally as a "new guy" Army officer?
What stuff (most likely) stays the same coming a ship, specifically ship-life? What changes the most?
How best can I take care of my people while still accomplishing the mission? I know this looks very different between branches. It's always a delicate balance.
What does the "daily grind" of a combart arms community look like? What's the "unnecessary BS day-to-day" that you guys get up to? (I can think of plenty of examples in the Navy, but I'm not sure they translate 1:1).
BONUS: What are your best and worst interaction stories with your fresh LTs?
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Im 25 with a bachelors in CyberSecurity, also an Eagle Scout. Have not done much volunteer or team leadership since then. Nor do I have much work experiance.
Am I too uncompetitive for an OCS slot for 17X?
I spoke to a recruiter who mentioned going enlisted at E4 with 17C, then after 1 year of training and 1 of actual work, applying for OCS then.
Is that a realistic scenario or classic recruiter talk getting my hopes up in order to boost elistment numbers?
Prior medical history includes inactive IBS + depression from a couple years back.
Also, what are the timeframes for getting in with both of these options?
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Is it worth getting Emt certified or Paramedic certified before going Army? I got DQ at meps and was told I need to wait a year due to medication I was on last year. I'm trying to find something to fill my time for when I'm able to enlist next year. Is this a good idea or a waste of time?
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I have been recently promoted, and clothing and sales is currently out of stock of my current rank, so I am unable to update my AGSU. We have room and uniform inspections soon, and my first line is attempting to make me wear my AGSU with incorrect rank. I have been looking through AR670-1 as well as AR700-84 trying to see if there is a reg against this, but have been unsuccessful in finding one. If there isn’t, I’ll deal, but I’m not too keen on wearing a previous rank. Any help backed by regs would be appreciated
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I’m going National Guard. I’m still working through the beginning process with my recruiter. Here’s the catch: I wasn’t born in the US. I was born in Kazakhstan.
I was never naturalized because when I was adopted into my family in 2002, the Child Citizenship Act passed in 2000 stating that the amendment is “to provide for the automatic acquisition of U.S. citizenship when certain conditions have been met.” — I have met these conditions and am a legal citizen of 22 years (Section 320 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. This amendment states that I also do not need a certificate of citizenship, which I never applied for as I legally do not need one.)
I have a passport, a social security card, a legal photo ID and a birth certificate. I DO HAVE a permanent resident card, but it expired years ago. I was a baby when my parents got it and they never renewed it. However, I am a US Citizen. I’ve lived here my entire life. The problem is, my recruiter insists that I must have that Permanent Resident Card up to date. I would do it in a heartbeat, but it costs $500.
Why is my passport, ID, SS card or birth certificate not enough to prove my citizenship? I’m frustrated and my parents are getting short with me constantly asking about it.
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Kind of a situational question. My wife is scheduled for C Section June 21st and it looks like I may get PCS orders before then. If I do, and the kid comes, what do I do? Soonest my wife’s doc says she can move is 6 weeks postpartum and my wife can’t look after our first kid and newborn while she recovers from surgery. Is there anything I can do to report closer to the end of baby leave? I’m a geobachelor.
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I just have a couple questions about how having a GED will affect my enlistment. I've heard it makes you ineligible for bonuses, but what about contract options? Could I still get an Option 4 contract? Option 19? If not, how many college credits would I need to move into the Tier 1 education category?
also, how do you increase your chances of going to certain schools (Airborne, Air Assault, Ranger, etc) if it's not in your contract? Going in as a 68W (Combat Medic) if that makes a difference
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Is there some regulation against sending a SM on a deployment/rotation when they are very close to ETS? Say 6 months out?
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Im a dumbass and made and said a lot of stupid ass shit that some hater who had it out for me has been basically (not really) 'blackmailing' me with that was on my laptop (private, never uploaded) which he hacked into . It was a bunch of questionable shit I said that basically makes me paranoid reasonably that I could possibly be court martial'd but I was never arrested or anything, and I'm sure the guy would upload it again if I joined the Military just to tarnish my good name. I said all this when I was 18 , but basically this dude came to my house and threatened my family with a knife and I responded, 'not so good' , and as a result, I was basically 5150'd and had lied to the people saying I was suicidal resulting in a medical documentation which has made me fearful of ever going to MEPS. So at the time I was 'isolated' so in attempt to expose the fact that there was a legitimate danger I reasonably tried to court attention on Twitter and basically did and said everything that could ever allow me to hold a security clearance before deleting it.
My perception of the event was that he was threatening my family with a knife, but to the outside world, he simply slashed my families tires. Basically he baited me and fell for it. There was much more to the story but if I could go back in time I probably would not have reacted the way I did but I was 18 and my mind was barely developing.
I was 5150'd and I was told I could never hold public office and I am barred from the Medical field . This of course was a lie, but it's BASICALLY on my Medical record and it's a huge red flag. So naturally, unable to join the Military, I was unable to complete my mission and of course, was put on medication for some time (7 months) until I can figure out what to do. So I been working warehouse jobs ever since that day . I am 23 years old now, the incident happened when I was 18. I was and still am a cross country runner who is fit and healthy , who can complete the physical requirements just fine but the 'Moral' and 'Medical' is what's preventing me from joining, open to debate. I haven't made the same dumb mistake of reacting to my families tires being slashed since and learned from that experience .
Obviously the Police knows what was on my laptop because this dude went around with the unauthorized material he was not allowed to have and actually put the content in DVD's around the city hoping someone would pick it up and read it , and I actually worked at a warehouse which actually had a police officer who worked there at the warehouse to check the hard drives for CP (i dont know the deal about that) , and he found the very same DVD filled with the content of my basically unhinged responses that I never uploaded to the internet .
Basically this dude mentally ruined my life but I wasn't the only 1 he has done this to, he has hacked into multiple people's laptops and slashed other people's tires before and distributed information and he has been arrested in the past .
I was wondering if I could be court martial'd for unprofessional conduct before I even join the military or am I just overthinking this? I basically had this huge 4 hour clip of a rant about his twitter account on my laptop that was perfectly constitutional legal but if you took things out of context it sounds like something that would have me arrested if I was in the military , and I never uploaded it, nor planned to. maybe it's just all in my head but as you can imagine , the real problem isn't my speeches that were on my laptop but the 5150'd , which was at the time and information I had at my disposable,a completely reasonable reaction to a violent threat.
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PCS’ing to Schofield tomorrow, any tips?
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Does anyone know if you still have to have a physical copy of your profile on you? I remember reading somewhere that you don't and your commander can look at it
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I recently graduated college and am looking for advice in terms of what I should expect/request in my contract for 68W MOS. I got my B.A. in cellular biology in the beginning of May and have been set on enlisting since my junior year; now that I'm in the last couple of steps with my recruiter before going to MEPS, I wanted to know if there was anything I should ask for based on my scores/degree (520 MCAT, 99 ASVAB, 146 GT) in terms of rank or guaranteed admission to schools (such as Airborne) coming in. I am looking at the 2-year contract as of now because I do want to apply to medical school down the line. If I enjoy my time, I am open to staying longer in the Army. However, there are some characteristics I currently need to work on that I know enlistment will provide (as opposed to OCS which would mean an extended contract) in addition to education benefits. Also, the alternative would have been doing a gap year in a lab or clinic which doesn't pay much better and is something I have done my fair share of. Any help is appreciated; thank you.
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This is kind of a weird question but i really want to join the army but my family is telling me that it’s impossible for me to join because unfortunately my parents passed by suicide and that alone will disqualify me. I’ve tried googling it and looking all over the internet to find a. Answer but I can’t find it. Is there any truth to that? Thanks if answered.
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I’m a drill right now and I’m looking at being Force reclassed and looking for a new MOS. I saw 51C and was curious if anyone knew what the day to day looked like? Or if anyone knew of any MOSs that were chill 9-5 jobs.
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How does the average person become an officer in the 75th or special forces? Even for support roles, don't most people have to go through the qualification training and fail?
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Do you ever feel remorse for the innocent civilians you slaughter in the name of imperialism and the military industrial complex?
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I've always had a draw to service, but my athletic opportunities usually kept me from it. Out of high school, I had the opportunity to play college baseball and passed up on trying the academy route. Once I got halfway through college, I wanted to try ROTC, but I was a starter on the baseball team and balls deep in a mechanical engineering course load, so it didn't seem feasible to add to my plate.
Now, I'm going on 24 with 2 years of experience as an ME in product development. Is there a military route for someone like me who does have a college degree, but is beyond the point of an ROTC college program? Is my specific degree useful for the military?
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I'm joining the Army soon, within a month or two. I've come up with an MOS list I made based on what I'm interested in (this is NOT a list of my available jobs based on my ASVAB score, just some jobs that sounded interesting based on the field I was looking into). I was mostly considering Logistics and Supply, but I am open to other potential fields, and jobs that aren't in the list below. Like I said, I want to do something in logistics and supply, but more so, just something non-combative that allows me to travel to most bases. What do you guys think about it? Any recommendations? I do plan to do something in law enforcement after I get out, but my MOS does not have to relate to that. Here is the list. The first two are the ones I'm currently considering, and the ones in parentheses are the ones I'm interested in.
(Cargo Specialist 88H)
(Unit Supply Specialist 92Y)
(Automated Logistics Specialist 92A)
(Ammunition Specialist 89B)
Ammunition Stock Control and Accounting Specialist 89A
(Corrections/Detention Specialist 31E)
Culinary Specialist 92G
Medical Logistics Specialist 68J
(Military Police 31B)
(Motor Transport Operator 88M)
Petroleum Supply Specialist 92F
Transportation Management Coordinator 88N
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Can someone please answer this question? If by some chance a person is granted a moral waiver for one felony possession charge on their record Will that allow you to join infantry or be around guns in general? Or would you have to have your firearm rights restored?
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Do you guys still have to have an NBC mask as part of the uniform when out in the field? If yes, do you still practice going into full MOPP gear?
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Completely off topic to Army. Has anyone used a gaems vanguard with the steam deck? Found one for cheap for field purposes but I can't find anything that says it works or not with the deck.
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30 year old with great Asvab and physical tests, no medical problems other than anxiety counseling in 2020. Problem 1: I have a large hand tattoo on my right hand. It’s a animal with some foliage and stuff. It is not on knuckles but descends from half sleeve down wrist and over top of hand.
Issue 2: I was discharged from navy boot camp in 2019. Long story. Mental health and personal reasons. I have an re-4 jfc on my dd 214. ( navy parting gift) I have authorized documents of treatment for my condition signed from doctor and no treatment or problems with mental health since early 2020 and no medication ever needed. Is there any shot I’d get approved for enlistment in the army ? @7hillsrecruiting
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Can someone please describe the process of renrolling into DLC? I did not complete it in the 720 day window however I am not barred from reenlistment (yet).
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Hey there ! I’m working things out to go to sign a 37F contract in the USAR soon since I had a high enough score on my ASVAB, but my recruiter confirmed that I would have to go to FSPC or Fat Camp due to being 2% over what’s allowed for body fat before I attend basic. I don’t mind basically getting paid to workout and learn about nutrition, but I’d love tips and just overall things to prep for before I have to ship out to it.
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i got Fort Sill as my first duty station im a 94T and i have family how is the on post housing or should i just rent a house off post
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I have a uniform question that i can not seem to figure out using ar670-1 or the pam currently i have been wearing my improvised hot weather combat uniform but the one i was issued back in 2019 apparently is the first generation that has the mesh lining in the pants and no velcro on the top of the shoulder pockets and my first line was telling me he doesnt think this is authorized anymore since a newer version was released so he asked me to look into the regulations but i cant find anything saying if i can or cant where it the most i know as of right now is the ihwcu is authorized but i have an older version apparently but its also what they issued me at ocie so im trying to find if anyone can help me out or knows if i can still where this i dont wanna buy a whole other uniform just because this doesnt have velcro on the top of these pockets
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What is the most realistic special operations group someone can join for the average person?
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Do you need a DA Form 1610 to attend the BAC? Fort Moore's website states you cannot attend BAC in a leave status, but how would anyone walk on if that's the case? And soldiers do walk on, I've heard firsthand.
I'm attempting to attend Airborne on leave before I PCS, is it possible? I just commissioned, and will be working for Cadet Command all summer before I PCS to BOLC.
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Can i join the ranger Special forces with a red/green color blind?
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Is someone able to join if blind in one eye
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As a prior enlisted, when I go to meps will the councilor just tell me my duty station I’m headed to after I pick my Mos? Will I have any say? How does that work from your experience
Any personal opinions and experienced insight is appreciated
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If someone becomes an intel officer, can they tryout for the 75th or the special forces?
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I have just returned from TDY, for Family separation pay, do I need to fill out 1561, or is it a special pay request on IPPS-A. Can’t find any answer from S-1, or other SM. Any help would be appreciative.
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I want to join the army, Can I pick a supply Mos with a ASVAB score of 41 and CL of 90 ?? The army website says yes I just wanted to know if the website is accurate. (92A/92y) Mos
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How long does it take for my rank to update in my email? I was promoted to SGT yesterday and it didn't update yet. It updated automatically for others in my unit. Do I need to update my CAC?
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I'm enlisting in the Army Reserve as a 35L and soon to go to basic in a few weeks. I have a couple of questions that are hovering over me since I'm counting down the days to basic training. I'm a lot older then most of the trainees are going to be in basic. I fear if I get injured or recycle for whatever reason. Will they change my mos because I didn't meet the allotted time slot for 35L AlT? Will I become over holdover until the next class? How frequent are the courses if held over? And also to add if any directions toward course work should I start studying to familiarize myself with?
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Anyone have an idea on what finance battalions are? Gonna be shipping out as 36B and I generally understand what the job will entail but lots of the comments I’ve read say “oh they’re reforming 36B into finance battalions”. Is this a good or bad thing?
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Prior service coming in; USMC to Army, E5. I’ve already gotten some good anti-cringe advice on general differences between the branches of service, but if anybody has advice on stuff to bring/not bring to AIT (I only got a bootcamp packing list) or tips I’m all ears.
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Is it common for people to become shorter from the ruck marches?
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Can you have nicotine in AIT, may be useful to add that I’m doing split training where I do basic one summer then do AIT the next.
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How does reclassing work? My window will be hitting soon and it’s time to move on. Will I have any Mos available to me? Duty station as well? I heard a lot about undeover strength Mos and how they affect reclassing. Any info on how it works would be great. Thanks fellas
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Is having a iep when I was in school a disqualifyer if not do I need a waivet
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I can barely do 5 push-ups, and I’m leaving for army basic combat training in 1 week, any recommendations?
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Pollen Allergies @ BCT Jackson
I am shipping out to basic training at the end of June. Has anyone had any experience with sick call during training and/or reception when dealing with seasonal/pollen allergies?
If this affected you, did you get prescribed anything or go to sick call any once in a while? I lived in GA for a stint and the pollen down south was not my friend so trying to prepare for the worst if possible. Not taking any meds right now.
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Can MPs join the 82 Airborne
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just graduated AIT, would it be possible to trade my duty station with another soldier for both of our benefits and we're both consenting ? he's got schofield hawaii and i have fort george meade maryland, im a pv2 he's a PFC and we have the exact same training and MOS? thanks.
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submitted by Army_Bot to ArmyWQT [link] [comments]
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Coming in as a new Army officer, what should I expect, both from the position of coming from a different branch and generally as a "new guy" Army officer?
What stuff (most likely) stays the same coming a ship, specifically ship-life? What changes the most?
How best can I take care of my people while still accomplishing the mission? I know this looks very different between branches. It's always a delicate balance.
What does the "daily grind" of a combart arms community look like? What's the "unnecessary BS day-to-day" that you guys get up to? (I can think of plenty of examples in the Navy, but I'm not sure they translate 1:1).
BONUS: What are your best and worst interaction stories with your fresh LTs?
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Am I too uncompetitive for an OCS slot for 17X?
I spoke to a recruiter who mentioned going enlisted at E4 with 17C, then after 1 year of training and 1 of actual work, applying for OCS then.
Is that a realistic scenario or classic recruiter talk getting my hopes up in order to boost elistment numbers?
Prior medical history includes inactive IBS + depression from a couple years back.
Also, what are the timeframes for getting in with both of these options?
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I was never naturalized because when I was adopted into my family in 2002, the Child Citizenship Act passed in 2000 stating that the amendment is “to provide for the automatic acquisition of U.S. citizenship when certain conditions have been met.” — I have met these conditions and am a legal citizen of 22 years (Section 320 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. This amendment states that I also do not need a certificate of citizenship, which I never applied for as I legally do not need one.)
I have a passport, a social security card, a legal photo ID and a birth certificate. I DO HAVE a permanent resident card, but it expired years ago. I was a baby when my parents got it and they never renewed it. However, I am a US Citizen. I’ve lived here my entire life. The problem is, my recruiter insists that I must have that Permanent Resident Card up to date. I would do it in a heartbeat, but it costs $500.
Why is my passport, ID, SS card or birth certificate not enough to prove my citizenship? I’m frustrated and my parents are getting short with me constantly asking about it.
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also, how do you increase your chances of going to certain schools (Airborne, Air Assault, Ranger, etc) if it's not in your contract? Going in as a 68W (Combat Medic) if that makes a difference
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My perception of the event was that he was threatening my family with a knife, but to the outside world, he simply slashed my families tires. Basically he baited me and fell for it. There was much more to the story but if I could go back in time I probably would not have reacted the way I did but I was 18 and my mind was barely developing.
I was 5150'd and I was told I could never hold public office and I am barred from the Medical field . This of course was a lie, but it's BASICALLY on my Medical record and it's a huge red flag. So naturally, unable to join the Military, I was unable to complete my mission and of course, was put on medication for some time (7 months) until I can figure out what to do. So I been working warehouse jobs ever since that day . I am 23 years old now, the incident happened when I was 18. I was and still am a cross country runner who is fit and healthy , who can complete the physical requirements just fine but the 'Moral' and 'Medical' is what's preventing me from joining, open to debate. I haven't made the same dumb mistake of reacting to my families tires being slashed since and learned from that experience .
Obviously the Police knows what was on my laptop because this dude went around with the unauthorized material he was not allowed to have and actually put the content in DVD's around the city hoping someone would pick it up and read it , and I actually worked at a warehouse which actually had a police officer who worked there at the warehouse to check the hard drives for CP (i dont know the deal about that) , and he found the very same DVD filled with the content of my basically unhinged responses that I never uploaded to the internet .
Basically this dude mentally ruined my life but I wasn't the only 1 he has done this to, he has hacked into multiple people's laptops and slashed other people's tires before and distributed information and he has been arrested in the past .
I was wondering if I could be court martial'd for unprofessional conduct before I even join the military or am I just overthinking this? I basically had this huge 4 hour clip of a rant about his twitter account on my laptop that was perfectly constitutional legal but if you took things out of context it sounds like something that would have me arrested if I was in the military , and I never uploaded it, nor planned to. maybe it's just all in my head but as you can imagine , the real problem isn't my speeches that were on my laptop but the 5150'd , which was at the time and information I had at my disposable,a completely reasonable reaction to a violent threat.
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Now, I'm going on 24 with 2 years of experience as an ME in product development. Is there a military route for someone like me who does have a college degree, but is beyond the point of an ROTC college program? Is my specific degree useful for the military?
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(Cargo Specialist 88H)
(Unit Supply Specialist 92Y)
(Automated Logistics Specialist 92A)
(Ammunition Specialist 89B)
Ammunition Stock Control and Accounting Specialist 89A
(Corrections/Detention Specialist 31E)
Culinary Specialist 92G
Medical Logistics Specialist 68J
(Military Police 31B)
(Motor Transport Operator 88M)
Petroleum Supply Specialist 92F
Transportation Management Coordinator 88N
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Issue 2: I was discharged from navy boot camp in 2019. Long story. Mental health and personal reasons. I have an re-4 jfc on my dd 214. ( navy parting gift) I have authorized documents of treatment for my condition signed from doctor and no treatment or problems with mental health since early 2020 and no medication ever needed. Is there any shot I’d get approved for enlistment in the army ? @7hillsrecruiting
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I'm attempting to attend Airborne on leave before I PCS, is it possible? I just commissioned, and will be working for Cadet Command all summer before I PCS to BOLC.
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Any personal opinions and experienced insight is appreciated
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I am shipping out to basic training at the end of June. Has anyone had any experience with sick call during training and/or reception when dealing with seasonal/pollen allergies?
If this affected you, did you get prescribed anything or go to sick call any once in a while? I lived in GA for a stint and the pollen down south was not my friend so trying to prepare for the worst if possible. Not taking any meds right now.
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2023.06.04 11:32 Perkelton Weekly Crowdfunding Roundup: June 4 2023 22 ending soon (incl. Aeon Trespass: Odyssey, Apex Legends: The Board Game) & 24 new this week (incl. Command of Nature, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood of Venice – Apocalypse)
What is this?
This is a weekly crowdfunding roundup of new projects launched last week and projects that end the coming week.Expect new lists every Sunday between 00:00 and 23:59 CEST
The criteria for the lists are as follows:
Ending soon
- Sorted by number of backers
- Kickstarter projects ending in the next 7 days, that have at least 100 backers (or marked as "Project we love" by Kickstarter), will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and passed the filters:
- No DnD books
- No zines
- No 3D printing
- No dice sets
- No magazines
- No shirts
- No playmats
- No furniture
- No events
- Gamefound projects ending in the next 7 days, that will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and passed the above filters.
- (beta) Backerkit Crowdfunding projects ending in the next 7 days, that will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and have a matching BGG page.
Newly launched
- Sorted by number of backers
- Kickstarter projects launched in the last 7 days, that have had at least average 15 backers per day, have at least 100 backers or is marked as "Project we love" by Kickstarter and passed the filters (see above).
- Gamefound projects launched in the last 7 days and passed the filters (see above).
- (beta) Backerkit Crowdfunding projects launched in the last 7 days and have a matching BGG page.
Notable filtered projects
- Filtered projects from above lists that have more than 1000 backers.
Tags
🎉: Staff pick/featured💰: Funded
🔥: More than average 200 backers/day
🌱: Creator's first project
🌳: Creator's >5th project
🔄: Money back guarantee (Read more)
FAQ
I live in Venezuela/Canada/Honduras/USA, why are you posting on a Saturday?!Because I'm writing this from Europe in the future where it's already Sunday. Timezones be crazy.
Why are there a bunch of non-board games in the board game list?
Because the Tabletop games category on Kickstarter includes anything remotely related to board games and sometimes things slip through my filters.
Why is this future award winning board game and literal saviour of humanity missing from your list?
Sometimes my filters get a bit overzealous and discard actually valid projects. If you feel something is missing for this reason, leave a comment and I'll add it (maybe).
Can I donate all my money to you?
No
Can you help me promote my game?
Please no. I make lists. Nothing more.
Your list is full of errors and now my favourite Facebook ads won't load!
Indeed, this fine piece of code runs purely on not green M&M's, so anything can happen. Leave a comment and I'll see what I can do.
Ending soon (22)
| Name | Description | Backers | Pledged | Ends | Information | Tags | BGG |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Aeon Trespass: Odyssey Second Printing Plus All-New Content | Epic 1-4 player Campaign Game of adventures, base building and tactical battles with giant monsters. Bigger and better than ever! | 7071 | €2,811,015.64 (5622%) in 19 days | 2023-06-07 | Kickstarter 1‑4 players age 12+ 90 min. | 🎉💰🔥🌳 | BGG |
| Apex Legends™: The Board Game | Apex Legends™ Board Game. Highly strategic, team vs. team, miniatures board game for 1-6 players. Includes solo and coop! | 3504 | €585,173.00 (260%) in 18 days | 2023-06-08 | Kickstarter 2‑4 players 60-90 min. | 🎉💰 | BGG |
| Evolution: Another World | Create wondrous animals and give them traits to help them survive and thrive in the chaotic magical world! | 2299 | $106,877.00 (534%) in 18 days | 2023-06-07 | Kickstarter 1‑4 players age 11+ 20-30 min. | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| 🚀Uncharted Stars⭐ | Uncharted Stars, a Print and Play, Roll 'n' Write game for 1 to 100 players, designed by Scott Almes and Illustrated by Tristam Rossin. | 1738 | £8,775.00 (293%) in 23 days | 2023-06-11 | Kickstarter 1‑99 players age 10+ 25-100 min. | 💰 | BGG |
| Age of Steam Deluxe Expansion Volume IV + Acrylic Track Tiles | A fourth Expansion Volume for Age of Steam Deluxe plus accessory Acrylic Track tiles. | 1465 | $160,815.62 (715%) in 10 days | 2023-06-09 | Gamefound 1‑6 players 120 min. | 💰 | |
| McBaron - Bravery in the Sky | An action-packed solo Print and Play Wargame. Fly over the battlefield, accomplish missions, and prove your bravery! | 662 | €2,836.00 (2836%) in 13 days | 2023-06-09 | Kickstarter 1‑2 players age 12+ 20-30 min. | 💰 | BGG |
| Endeavor: Deep Sea | Plunge into the modern era, where earth's vast oceanscape is one of the last frontiers to discover and explore. [Extension Campaign] | 538 | CA$47,290.47 (3378%) in 5 days | 2023-06-06 | Kickstarter 1‑5 players age 10+ 60-75 min. | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| El Burro: A La Granja Game | El Burro is a new standalone game where you are developing your farm but have to move your goods to the port of Palma. The game uses multi-purpose cards and dice-drafting like La Granja. | 462 | €37,558.00 (150%) in 9 days | 2023-06-11 | Gamefound 1‑4 players age 12+ 75-150 min. Card Game Dice Game | 💰 | BGG |
| SlackJack - A Pirate Game of Bluffing and Deception | A 10-minute game of blackjack and social deduction for 4-8 players! | 454 | $11,322.00 (226%) in 12 days | 2023-06-10 | Kickstarter 4‑8 players age 10+ 10-20 min. | 🎉💰🌳 | BGG |
| 『ゾンビサイド2.0』 日本語版 | 現代版ゾンビサイドの第２版が、日本語版になってついに登場！ 高品質のフィギュアと、遊びやすくなったルールを、拡張セットと共にお届けします New Japanese Edition. This project is only available in Japan. | 343 | ¥14,614,059 (1461%) in 13 days | 2023-06-07 | Kickstarter | 🎉💰🌱 | |
| Thunder Rolls: The Garage Expansion | More mayhem, cars and fun for the Thunder Rolls game by Richard Launius | 272 | $19,669.00 (492%) in 12 days | 2023-06-07 | Kickstarter 1‑8 players age 8+ 20-60 min. | 🎉💰🌳 | BGG |
| Animal Kingdom Trading Card Game | An innovative city-building TCG for 2-4 players with exciting gameplay and collectability! Printed by WJPC. www.animalkingdomtcg.com | 263 | £52,873.00 (264%) in 26 days | 2023-06-08 | Kickstarter | 💰🌱 | |
| Frankenstein Madness | PNP: Asymmetric hidden roles horror game from Frankenstein mythos. 1 P campaign mode and 4-8 players "Free for all" mode. | 242 | $1,708.00 (342%) in 40 days | 2023-06-10 | Kickstarter 1‑8 players age 14+ 15-50 min. | 💰 | BGG |
| The Soft Underbelly, 1943-1945 | An easy, fast and small board game about WW2 in Italy, North Africa and Southern Europe from 1943 to 1945 | 206 | €6,590.00 (134%) in 26 days | 2023-06-07 | Kickstarter 2 players age 14+ 45-90 min. | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| Tablut | ancient Norse board game + 4 more historic games | A classic Viking game of siege and escape and 4 other "large-format" Peg Pastimes games. | 183 | $14,269.00 (357%) in 30 days | ⚠️ 2023-06-04 | Kickstarter 2 players age 8+ 45 min. | 💰 | BGG |
| Ahotnik | A mech-based semi-cooperative game set in a dark future, with nations fighting each other and against giant demons to rule the World | 167 | €30,004.00 (86%) in 19 days | 2023-06-06 | Kickstarter 2‑12 players age 14+ 90 min. | 🌱 | BGG |
| David Thompson Games | A collection of David Thompson's amazing solitaire games! | 166 | $20,830.59 (139%) in 19 days | 2023-06-06 | Gamefound 1 player 60 min. Card Game Wargame | 💰🌱 | |
| Savage Worlds Skirmish Battle | Using the Savage Worlds ruleset to power miniature wargames | 138 | £2,051.00 (205%) in 24 days | 2023-06-10 | Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
| Cartref | Suburbia meets Magic: Compete to build and manipulate a magical, shared city for big end-game bonuses. | 129 | $1,055.00 (105500%) in 26 days | 2023-06-10 | Kickstarter 1‑3 players age 13+ 33-53 min. | 💰 | BGG |
| Puzzle Box & Escape Room Game: Cabinet of Curiosities | 2 puzzle box/escape room games each with engaging audio story telling components built into 1 box! | 112 | $17,327.00 (347%) in 26 days | 2023-06-08 | Kickstarter | 💰🌱 | |
| Meridians - New Classic | Board game / abstract strategy game for 2 players with the line-of-sight mechanics. Comes in wooden and portable versions. | 109 | ¥1,212,170 (1212%) in 13 days | 2023-06-06 | Kickstarter | 💰 | |
| WAR ON TERRA | THE FUTURE OF SCI-FI TABLETOP WARFARE | 109 | £26,136.00 (131%) in 35 days | 2023-06-06 | Kickstarter | 💰🌱 |
New this week (24)
| Name | Description | Backers | Pledged | Ends | Information | Tags | BGG |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Command of Nature | An immersive, deck-building tabletop game from the creators of Here to Slay and Casting Shadows | 7239 | $650,636.00 (1301%) in 5 days | 2023-06-20 | Kickstarter | 🎉💰🔥🌳 | |
| Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood of Venice - Apocalypse | Don't miss another chance to get the legendary Assassin's Creed board game. Explore, infiltrate, assassinate! | 1895 | CA$372,870.29 (497%) in 5 days | 2023-06-16 | Kickstarter 1‑4 players age 12+ 30-120 min. | 💰🔥 | BGG |
| Into the Godsgrave | A Digital Hybrid Board Game of fate and divine resurrection | 1845 | €182,615.00 (365%) in 5 days | 2023-06-16 | Kickstarter 1‑4 players age 14+ 60-120 min. | 🎉💰🔥🌳 | BGG |
| French Quarter: A let the good times roll and write game! | Welcome to the heart of New Orleans! Explore the French Quarter in this new loaded roll and write game from Motor City Gameworks. | 989 | $27,597.00 (153%) in 5 days | 2023-06-22 | Kickstarter 1‑4 players age 14+ 30-60 min. | 🎉💰🌳 | BGG |
| Biohack - Create Mythical Creatures as Mad Scientists | Create various creatures from myths and gain back your reputation as scientists in this strategic game for 1-4 players. | 970 | ¥12,267,577 (876%) in 4 days | 2023-07-01 | Kickstarter 1‑4 players age 14+ 60-90 min. | 🎉💰🔥 | BGG |
| Endeavor: Deep Sea | Plunge into the modern era, where earth's vast oceanscape is one of the last frontiers to discover and explore. [Extension Campaign] | 538 | CA$47,290.47 (3378%) in 5 days | 2023-06-06 | Kickstarter 1‑5 players age 10+ 60-75 min. | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| Micro Architects | Plan and build a sprawling MICRO metropolis! | 531 | €22,392.00 (112%) in 4 days | 2023-06-25 | Gamefound 1‑4 players age 8+ 30-60 min. | 💰 | BGG |
| Monsters of Loch Lomond | Free your clan from legendary monsters, outwit rival chieftains, and achieve freedom in this thrilling Scottish card game. | 409 | €9,210.00 (184%) in 5 days | 2023-06-29 | Kickstarter 2‑5 players age 10+ 15-45 min. | 💰🌱 | BGG |
| First to Fight: USMC 1942-1945 Vol 1 Guadalcanal Campaign | United States Marine Corps figures, vehicles, and terrain for the Guadalcanal Campaign | 278 | $23,819.00 (794%) in 3 days | 2023-06-18 | Kickstarter | 💰 | |
| Blueprint Studio | Draw the blueprint for the ideal house in this Roll & write game. Fast and easy to print at home. | 226 | MX$27,958.80 (699%) in 5 days | 2023-06-16 | Kickstarter | 💰🌱 | |
| Tank Chess (reprint) | Outsmart your opponent and destroy their forces in this diceless tactical tank battle game! | 212 | $14,682.00 (726%) in 5 days | 2023-06-29 | Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
| SSO: Classis Caetera | The sci-fi survival horror game, for 1-6 players returns! | 180 | £2,617.00 (65%) in 4 days | 2023-06-30 | Kickstarter | 🌳 | |
| Rocky 'Roid Roll & Write | Rocky 'Roid is an asteroid-mining roll and write game that you can print at home. All you need to play is a player sheet and pen per player and 3 six-sided dice.In the first half of the game you use the shared dice to survey the belt moving and mining. Once you think you have enough minerals, race … | 161 | £670.88 (268%) in 5 days | 2023-06-13 | Gamefound 1‑6 players 20 min. Dice Game | 💰🌳 | |
| The LAB | THE LAB is a competitive card game for 3 to 6 players in which you will be faced with some of the most dangerous microorganisms in existence. Be the first to earn 10 Cure points and try not to succumb to any of the insidious infections you will encounter throughout the game. | 159 | CA$6,702.76 (67%) in 6 days | 2023-06-15 | Gamefound 3‑6 players age 14+ 30-45 min. Card Game | 🌱 | BGG |
| Circle of Blood | Skirmish game in the dark city of Gormalak | 157 | €10,244.00 (171%) in 6 days | 2023-06-15 | Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
| Conquest Princess: Fashion is Power | Transform for Battle | 1-4 Players | Co-op Bag Builder | 131 | $20,097.59 (54%) in 5 days | 2023-06-24 | Gamefound 1‑4 players age 14+ 40-75 min. Cooperative | 🌱 | BGG |
| Rhum Rush! | A Competitive Card Game of Tiki Mixology! Get ready to build some RUM (RHUM) COCKTAILS!🍹🌴🗿 | 124 | $5,119.00 (51%) in 5 days | 2023-06-29 | Kickstarter | 🌱 | |
| Stack It Kitten! - Relaunch | When the floor is lava 🔥 but lava is actually water 🌊 and you are a cat 😺! | 90 | €3,398.00 (63%) in 3 days | 2023-07-01 | Kickstarter | ||
| Badland Rivals | A Push-Your-Luck Adventure Card Game For 2-3 Players | 76 | $2,646.00 (53%) in 2 days | 2023-07-01 | Kickstarter | ||
| VAULT | A competitive game for 1 to 4 players. Crack the combination before the other hackers do! | 63 | £1,842.00 (368%) in 3 days | 2023-07-03 | Kickstarter 1‑4 players age 10+ 30-60 min. | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| Chroma Mix | Mix your colors or play them? The choice is yours in this 1-4 player engine building game about the CMYK system of colors. | 58 | $1,119.45 (560%) in 3 days | 2023-07-01 | Gamefound 1‑4 players 30-45 min. Card Game | 💰🌱 | BGG |
| Cool Cats | It's Caturday! This flip and fill is about having the best Caturday ever! | 55 | $341.00 (341%) in 3 days | 2023-06-21 | Kickstarter 1‑4 players age 8+ 20-50 min. | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| Gods of War: Togo | Gods of War: Togo is a naval wargame that puts you in command of mighty ships in the age of steam and iron! | 47 | €4,554.00 (130%) in 3 days | 2023-06-14 | Kickstarter | 💰 | |
| 【第二版】しあわせのいと 【2nd print】Connecting links | 《しあわせ》を紡ぐ非対称対戦型推理パズルゲーム。 最大6ターンで終了する早期決着とメモを必要としない設計により、ボードゲーム初心者～上級者まで幅広く楽しむことができます。 | 45 | ¥279,409 (56%) in 1 days | 2023-06-28 | Kickstarter |
Notable filtered projects (3)
| Name | Description | Backers | Pledged | Ends | Information | Tags |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Fablecraft: A New Digital TTRPG | A digital tabletop roleplaying game that’s easy to pick up and play. Roll dice and wield magic in the vibrant world of Mythas. | 2482 | $155,134.00 (1551%) in 26 days | 2023-06-08 | Kickstarter | 🎉💰🌱 |
| Tome of Mystical Tattoos II for DnD 5e | A massive addition to the original tome containing 200+ brand new magic tattoos compatible with 5E—don't miss out on the new ink! | 1994 | CA$141,159.29 (1412%) in 24 days | 2023-06-10 | Kickstarter | 💰 |
| The Legendary Bundle | Two exciting new Adventure Paths set in the worlds of Kong: Skull Island and Pacific Rim. Compatible with Everyday Heroes. | 1104 | $110,913.00 (370%) in 26 days | 2023-06-06 | Kickstarter | 🎉💰 |
2023.06.03 06:30 ChiCubsbot Postgame Thread: 6/2 Cubs @ Padres
Line Score - Game Over
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | R | H | E | LOB | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| CHC | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 1 | 6 |
| SD | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 0 | 4 |
Box Score
| SD | AB | R | H | RBI | BB | SO | BA | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| SS | Bogaerts | 4 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .257 |
| RF | Tatis Jr. | 4 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .253 |
| LF | Soto, J | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | .255 |
| 3B | Machado, M | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | .225 |
| 1B | Cronenworth | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | .202 |
| C | Sánchez | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .250 |
| DH | Carpenter | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .179 |
| 2B | Odor | 3 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .216 |
| 2B | Kim, Ha | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .241 |
| CF | Grisham | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | .190 |
| SD | IP | H | R | ER | BB | SO | P-S | ERA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Wacha | 4.2 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 5 | 8 | 102-64 | 3.48 |
| Cosgrove | 1.1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 17-10 | 0.00 |
| Wilson, S | 1.2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 26-17 | 2.57 |
| Hill, T | 1.1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 14-10 | 3.75 |
| CHC | AB | R | H | RBI | BB | SO | BA | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 2B | Hoerner | 3 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | .286 |
| SS | Swanson | 4 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .274 |
| LF | Happ | 4 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 | .273 |
| RF | Suzuki, S | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | .288 |
| CF | Tauchman | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | .333 |
| DH | Morel | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | .270 |
| 1B | Mancini | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | .247 |
| 3B | Wisdom | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .207 |
| C | Gomes | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .263 |
| CHC | IP | H | R | ER | BB | SO | P-S | ERA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Taillon | 5.2 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 75-56 | 7.05 |
| Hughes | 0.2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 13-8 | 4.50 |
| Merryweather | 0.2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 16-10 | 4.30 |
| Alzolay | 1.0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6-4 | 2.25 |
| Leiter Jr. | 1.0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 13-9 | 2.66 |
Scoring Plays
Highlights
| Description | Length | Video |
|---|---|---|
| Bullpen availability for Chicago, June 2 vs Padres | 0:07 | Video |
| Bullpen availability for San Diego, June 2 vs Cubs | 0:07 | Video |
| Fielding alignment for San Diego, June 2 vs Cubs | 0:11 | Video |
| Starting lineups for Cubs at Padres - June 2, 2023 | 0:09 | Video |
| Breaking down Michael Wacha's pitches | 0:08 | Video |
| Michael Wacha's outing against the Cubs | 0:25 | Video |
| Analyzing Dansby Swanson's home run through bat tracking | 0:09 | Video |
| The distance behind Dansby Swanson's home run | 0:15 | Video |
| Breaking down Jameson Taillon's pitches | 0:08 | Video |
| Jameson Taillon's outing against the Padres | 0:26 | Video |
| Wacha strikes out Suzuki in the first inning | 0:08 | Video |
| Wisdom makes a nice snag for out on Tatis Jr. | 0:10 | Video |
| Happ forceout brings in a run | 0:22 | Video |
| Machado gets the force out on Morel | 0:09 | Video |
| Swanson belts a solo homer in the 5th inning | 0:28 | Video |
| Sanchez catches Suzuki stealing at 2nd after review | 0:08 | Video |
| Bogaert hits an RBI single in the bottom of the 6th | 0:15 | Video |
| Jameson Taillon fans Manny Machado with a sweeper | 0:12 | Video |
| Michael Wacha fans eight through 4 2/3 innings | 0:55 | Video |
| Alzolay strikes out Tatis Jr. in the 9th inning | 0:10 | Video |
Decisions
| Winning Pitcher | Losing Pitcher | Save |
|---|---|---|
| Taillon (1-3, 7.05 ERA) | Wacha (5-2, 3.48 ERA) | Leiter Jr. (3 SV, 2.66 ERA) |
2023.06.03 00:40 ChiCubsbot GDT: 6/2 Cubs (24-31) @ Padres (26-30) 8:40 PM
Cubs (24-31) @ Padres (26-30)
First Pitch: 8:40 PM at Petco Park| Team | Starter | TV | Radio |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cubs | Jameson Taillon (0-3, 8.04 ERA) | MARQ | WSCR |
| Padres | Michael Wacha (5-1, 3.45 ERA) | SDPA | KWFN, XEMO (ES) |
| MLB | Fangraphs | Baseball Savant | Reddit Stream | IRC Chat | Channel Finder |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Gameday | Game Graph | Strikezone Map | Live Comments | Libera: ##baseball | Channel Finder |
Line Score - Game Over
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | R | H | E | LOB | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| CHC | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 1 | 6 |
| SD | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 0 | 4 |
Box Score
| SD | AB | R | H | RBI | BB | SO | BA | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| SS | Bogaerts | 4 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | .257 |
| RF | Tatis Jr. | 4 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .253 |
| LF | Soto, J | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | .255 |
| 3B | Machado, M | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | .225 |
| 1B | Cronenworth | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | .202 |
| C | Sánchez | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .250 |
| DH | Carpenter | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .179 |
| 2B | Odor | 3 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .216 |
| 2B | Kim, Ha | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | .241 |
| CF | Grisham | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | .190 |
| SD | IP | H | R | ER | BB | SO | P-S | ERA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Wacha | 4.2 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 5 | 8 | 102-64 | 3.48 |
| Cosgrove | 1.1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 17-10 | 0.00 |
| Wilson, S | 1.2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 26-17 | 2.57 |
| Hill, T | 1.1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 14-10 | 3.75 |
| CHC | AB | R | H | RBI | BB | SO | BA | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 2B | Hoerner | 3 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | .286 |
| SS | Swanson | 4 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .274 |
| LF | Happ | 4 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 | .273 |
| RF | Suzuki, S | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | .288 |
| CF | Tauchman | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | .333 |
| DH | Morel | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | .270 |
| 1B | Mancini | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | .247 |
| 3B | Wisdom | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .207 |
| C | Gomes | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | .263 |
| CHC | IP | H | R | ER | BB | SO | P-S | ERA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Taillon | 5.2 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 75-56 | 7.05 |
| Hughes | 0.2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 13-8 | 4.50 |
| Merryweather | 0.2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 16-10 | 4.30 |
| Alzolay | 1.0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6-4 | 2.25 |
| Leiter Jr. | 1.0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 13-9 | 2.66 |
Scoring Plays
Highlights
| Description | Length | Video |
|---|---|---|
| Bullpen availability for Chicago, June 2 vs Padres | 0:07 | Video |
| Bullpen availability for San Diego, June 2 vs Cubs | 0:07 | Video |
| Fielding alignment for San Diego, June 2 vs Cubs | 0:11 | Video |
| Starting lineups for Cubs at Padres - June 2, 2023 | 0:09 | Video |
| Breaking down Michael Wacha's pitches | 0:08 | Video |
| Michael Wacha's outing against the Cubs | 0:25 | Video |
| Analyzing Dansby Swanson's home run through bat tracking | 0:09 | Video |
| The distance behind Dansby Swanson's home run | 0:15 | Video |
| Breaking down Jameson Taillon's pitches | 0:08 | Video |
| Jameson Taillon's outing against the Padres | 0:26 | Video |
| Wacha strikes out Suzuki in the first inning | 0:08 | Video |
| Wisdom makes a nice snag for out on Tatis Jr. | 0:10 | Video |
| Happ forceout brings in a run | 0:22 | Video |
| Machado gets the force out on Morel | 0:09 | Video |
| Swanson belts a solo homer in the 5th inning | 0:28 | Video |
| Sanchez catches Suzuki stealing at 2nd after review | 0:08 | Video |
| Bogaert hits an RBI single in the bottom of the 6th | 0:15 | Video |
| Jameson Taillon fans Manny Machado with a sweeper | 0:12 | Video |
| Michael Wacha fans eight through 4 2/3 innings | 0:55 | Video |
| Alzolay strikes out Tatis Jr. in the 9th inning | 0:10 | Video |
Decisions
| Winning Pitcher | Losing Pitcher | Save |
|---|---|---|
| Taillon (1-3, 7.05 ERA) | Wacha (5-2, 3.48 ERA) | Leiter Jr. (3 SV, 2.66 ERA) |
Remember to sort by new to keep up!
2023.06.01 21:11 EveningFly1444 Lawn mower repair handiman?
Hey everyone my grandma owns a cub cadet x1 42 inch, i recently replaced the mower deck belt and when i got it all back together the mower was running extremely rough. Looking for help with this wether i have to hire a lawn mower repair guy or something, im at the end of the road right now, not sure what else to do.
submitted by EveningFly1444 to SouthJersey [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 17:38 DillonFromSomewhere Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full [R-word censored by jobs] to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to jobs [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full [R-word censored by jobs] to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 17:29 DillonFromSomewhere Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to iQuit [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 17:20 DillonFromSomewhere Restaurant Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to restaurant [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 17:17 DillonFromSomewhere Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to anti_restaurant_work [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 12:43 Allicia_York First Contacts (Part 6)
[Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/131t1q9/first_contacts_part_1/)
[Part 5](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/13rv3xp/first_contacts_part_5/)
[Part 7](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1441zig/first_contacts_part_7/)
“Let’s introduce ourselves to the Captain of this boat!”
Nathan pushed the door control and was greeted with a flashing Yellow light, the door had already been locked down, with that, he took two steps back and levelled his pistol at the bottom left of the door, he began firing his gun, spacing the shots around the edge working his way up the left and along the top of the door, reloading after 12 shots.
Reloading was done between two boxes, when one was empty, or low, he would push it into a belt pack he was wearing, a whir from the pack indicated that it was feeding new rounds into the box and within seconds it was full again.
It took a total of 20 shots for him to reach the place he had started, Nathan reloaded his pistol once more and stepped forward with a spring and brought his right foot up to kick the door, the sound was almost as loud as the gun, the metal finally giving in to the stress and falling away.
Beyond the door were a dozen command officers and four Axarli soldiers, they were already disarmed and ready to surrender, likely as a result of watching the carnage that Nathan had already inflicted on their defence forces.
Most of the Officers were Sovereigns of the Pearls, though a couple of Euterians and a Forgol were among them. “Which one of you is the captain?” Nathan’s voice was raised to an uncomfortable level for the Sovereigns who all covered their auditory antennae, one of the Sovereigns stepped forward her hands still clasped over her antennae.
“Everyone else on the floor, face down and arms out!” Nathan’s voice was still raised but he had lowered it a little. The remaining crew complied with his command.
Nathan lowered his voice back to normal conversational level and turned to the Sovereign Captain “Captain, I understand you are taking prisoners from the surface.”
“That is correct.” The Sovereigns were not able to speak Orvangian directly, so her words issued forth from a worn translator device about her neck.
“I would like you to call your crew and have them surrender.”
“I Do not know your species, but you stand with the Federation against our might!” the Captain and her Sovereign Officers all flourished their hands and feelers in a dance-like display.
I am not sure what happened next, a pulse of electromagnetic energy hit me and my suit was instantly fried, pain shooting through my body at the same time, I found myself laying on the floor the ceiling above me decorated with the flashes of Nathan’s pistol.
Despite the repeated blasts of that handheld cannon, I couldn’t hear a sound and I could see my thoughts around me as though I had engaged in the bond with an Orvangian, I was soon floating on a warm ocean of orange light, enveloping me in its softness.
My eyes drifted closed and Purple Valuri bloomed before me, the faces of my family and the distant arches of my home rose into the sky above. I whooped and laughed like Nathan as I clung to the velvety mane of a Plains Rasil, its legs pounding the landscape into the past behind me, we rose over the hills and across the savannah of Talloral and I Roared like the Volluk on the plains of Orvang.
Dreams fell away to a burning pain as consciousness returned to me, I was in a medical bay, opening my eyes was painful, the white surfaces and bright lights making them sting as much as my chest did.
A pair of Tilik were lingering close to my bedside with relief washing over their faces, they moved back and Nathan stepped into my field of view. His face now sporting several fine slices that welled up with red “Jin! We are glad you’re awake.”
The Tilik flapped their tentacles in agreement and I heard a muffled voice in the background. With considerable pain, I pushed myself into a sitting position so I could survey our situation.
We were still aboard the Separatist ship, in a medical bay, there was a pile of equipment blocking the doors and they had been welded closed, the Euterian officers from the bridge were strapped down to one of the beds though they were unconscious, the Forgol officer was standing beside Nathan a thin trail of white bile trickling from his nasal ducts a sign of the fear and discomfort he was in as a result of having Nathans Pistol barrel so far down his throat that it was likely brushing against his oral lymph nodes.
“What happened?”
Nathan bared his teeth at me, the Forgol seeming to shrink slightly at the expression “Those bejewelled Centipede guys pulled a McClain on us, blasted us with an EMP and Frag weapons.
“I had to shoot them and the power armour guys too, it was a blood bath.
“Your space suit took most of the damage and got fried by the EMP, but you got stuck pretty good yourself. Doc here says you had 28 flechette pieces in you.” Nathan gestured to one of the Tilik.
“The Bejewelled Centipede Guys are called ‘Sovereigns of the Pearls’ and the Power armoured guys are Axarli.” My voice was a little weak but it brought Nathan’s Smile back.
“So, there’s a whole army of those Axarli guys out in the hallway now, waiting for our surrender, but my new pal here says there is a service duct that runs through the floor of this room.” Nathan patted the back of the Tilik he had called Doc earlier.
“Even if we escape this room, where would we go?” I winced and even yelped a little as I swung my legs to hang over the side of the bed.
“Well, this ship’s sensors and weapons are out at the moment, I may have devastated the bridge a bit, so I need you and Doc to go down to the Shuttle and bring it around to their Hangar bay.
“Me and Mister Tactical Officer here.” He grinned at the Forgol officer still tasting his pistol. “We go down to holding, free your fellow crew members and meet you at the light frigate they have parked in the hangar.”
It was as insane as every other plan he had come up with, yet I couldn’t shake the fact that his plans seemed to work every time so I mirrored his thumbs-up gesture to him and slid off the bed.
Gravity on this ship was about 15% lower than what I was used to, which made standing possible, but I could feel the slices of pain in my chest and legs, medication was probably the only reason I was able to move at all.
Nathan passed me the Laser Rifle again and I pointed it at ‘Doc’ but Nathan pushed my gun down, “Woah there, Doc is on board with us, he is my newest pal ok.”
The Tilik’s cybernetic translator chipped in with a slightly musical tone “I don’t want to be here either.”
Doc moved to a floor panel and lifted it away, below was a narrow catwalk surrounded by bundles of cables and pipes. Nathan turned to the second Tilik medic “Remember what I told you!” it nodded and injected itself with a sedative, slumping to the floor within moments.
Doc dropped onto the catwalk and I followed, “Good luck Nathan!”
“Same to you Jin.”
Doc began heading left along the duct, Nathan and his hostage dropped in after us and lowered the panel back in place then headed right.
Doc and I soon arrived at a service shaft, it ascended about ten decks, but it went down to the very bottom of the ship, where we were going. The wall next to the duct had a rail mesh on it and a half dozen tractor lifts were parked here, Doc configured one and stepped off the edge, it grabbed him in its tractor beam and began a swift descent, I followed suit, setting it for deck 210 and stepping into the shaft.
The little rail-mounted tractor-beam device reached Deck 210 in under a minute, it would have been an exhilarating ride if it weren’t for the danger I was in.
Doc arrived a few seconds ahead of me and was waiting on the floor of the shaft when I arrived, he lifted a wall panel off once I dismounted from my tractor lift, beyond the panel was an engineering hallway, not far from the hub where a crate of Tilik still sat.
As we walked past the crate Doc read the top, “Can we let them out now?”
“Let’s take it to the airlock, we can let them out just before we exit the ship.”
Doc hooked a lifter dolly to the crate and began pushing it along with us.
We soon reached the airlock Nathan and I had used to enter the ship, my suit was damaged from the flechette attack, and the computer systems had rebooted now but I had to patch it before we could decompress, “Do you need any protection?”
“How long will we be in the vacuum?” Tilik are all able to survive for short periods out in space, but some are augmented for longer periods.
“About 20 minutes, maybe more.”
Doc took a magnetic field generator from the airlock and attached it to his harness, it would provide additional protection from radiation, which he was going to need so near those engine cones.
Once my suit was sealed, we stepped into the airlock and I reached out to the crate to push the release, as soon as the lid popped up, I pulled back and hit the airlock controls. It only took moments for the airlock to cycle and the outer door to open.
I took the lead out into the engine spaces and made my way back to the panel that Nathan had hastily welded back into place, with the laser rifle I shot each weld and then gave it a good kick, the panel breaking loose and floating away from the hull. It occurred to me that I had never done anything like this before, this was the sort of action that Nathan would have taken, it was exactly how he had gained access to the command centre, shot the door and kicked it open.
I didn’t dwell on the thought, the engines were still hot so I clambered out followed by Doc, the Shuttle wasn’t far away so we moved as quickly as we could manage.
It wasn’t long before we were in the rear of the shuttle, “Doc, can you fly?”
“No, I am a medical specialist, but I do have some engineering training.”
“See if you can get the laser banks back online.”
Doc pulled a repair kit from the wall and began a diagnostic survey, I left him to work and glanced at the device sitting on one of the chairs here, it was clearly the black case Nathan had recovered from the Endeavour, but now it was open, the lid was raised on a framework, becoming the top of the device, I recognised what it was, though I had never seen a portable one before, it was a Fabricator, able to manufacture items from schematic diagrams, the Doradul had several of them in the engineering bays but they were large and fitted into the walls.
I stepped through into the cockpit and strapped in, I wasn’t a pilot like Nathan but I had hundreds of hours of shuttle operations time, I could only hope that the battleship’s weapons were still disabled.
The shuttle detached from the Separatist ship and I kept close to the hull, moving as quickly as I felt comfortable doing at this distance. Once we were out from among the engine cones I turned onto the dorsal surface of the battleship, its cannons were all aimed forward now, sitting in their standby positions and none reacted to my presence.
I picked up the pace as I navigated between turrets and antennae clusters, not as reckless as Nathan had been, but I was ignoring my instructor’s safety rules as it knocked a radar dish off the surface of the battleship.
We were almost at the prow of the ship where the hangar was when the laser banks came back to life, I set them to strafing auto-targeting mode, so I could shoot any Axarli in the hangar with the squeeze of a trigger.
My reckless disregard for flight safety reached its peak as I passed the prow of the battleship, making a hard roll and braking as Nathan had done, I even bared my teeth when I completed the move without crashing.
“What was that!” I heard Doc’s Translator proclaim from the rear compartment.
The Hangar ahead was open an atmospheric shield keeping it from depressurising, I could see a few deck crew and some Axarli were targeted by the shuttle’s computer.
I advanced the shuttle through the shield so the weapons fire would not evacuate the atmosphere, the sudden shift from zero-G to the downward pull of the hangar’s gravity forced the shuttle’s nose thrusters to fire and shook the shuttle. As soon as we were through the shield I pressed the trigger and the shuttles laser bank began to fire, deck crew scattered to shelter while Axarli troops began to return fire.
There was plenty of space in the hangar, the Light Frigate stood like a tower on the Port side allowing me to make evasive moves and even take cover. It didn’t take long before the hangar deck was largely clear, even the Axarli had retreated into the surrounding hallways and rooms to avoid being incinerated by the shuttle’s laser.
After they withdrew I had little to do but hover and wait for Nathan to arrive, Doc came into the cockpit once we had stopped firing “What now?”
“Until Nathan and my crew arrive there is not much we can do.” The Tilik had sided with the Separatists back during the war and Doc deciding to join us was beginning to bother me, why would he sign up for fleet duty only to abandon it?
“Doc, why are you here?”
He looked slightly puzzled at my question, “You mean why did I decide to join you and Nathan?”
“Yes, why would you sign up for fleet service in the Separatist army only to abandon your post now.”
“I didn’t sign up, you know we share our home planet with the Norold.”
I gave an affirmative gesture.
“Well since the Separatist council decided to rebuild the fleet they needed crews, and the Norold were quick to support the new fleet, they decided that every family of Norold and Tilik would provide one person for the fleet forces.
“This was easy for them, they have families of dozens each, but Tilik families are usually no more than five to eight, so to protect my family from reprisals and my mother from forced service I stepped in to replace her.”
Doc deflated in the co-pilot’s chair, I was aware that the Tilik were very peaceful before the Separatist war, many believed that they were not enthusiastic supporters of the Separatists, especially since the planet Ghoat was still a member of the federation despite being a Tilik colony.
“So, you figure that the Separatist fleet will write you off as a casualty now and your family will be safe.”
“Exactly, the Euterian Officers don’t know I am siding with you, my colleague understands and promised to keep it secret, the Fleet will compensate my family and send condolences.”
Through the window of the shuttle, I saw weapons fire again, a group of Axarli backing out of their cover position and under fire from a combination of Plasma Fire and the unmistakable streaks of white thunder that Nathan’s pistol issued forth.
I opened fire again, clearing away the Axarli that had broken cover, moments later Nathan emerged with twenty of the Doradul’s Crew and one Forgol captive, they were using Axarli sidearms and seemed to be carrying makeshift shields.
Axarli in other covered positions began firing on them so I lowered the shuttle and fired back, Nathan pushed his team toward the frigate and up the gangway.
I moved the shuttle to cover them as much as possible, taking dozens of hits from plasma casters, their rifles were not going to fell the shuttle quickly but the damage was already mounting up, soon my laser bank was down again and moments later navigation followed.
“Jin, we are about to launch.” Buddy’s voice sounded over my suit’s com system.
“OK, I am right behind you, I will need to dock soon, my navigation is out.” As soon as I finished speaking, my Warp drive went offline as well.
The Frigate began to ascend moments later, I turned and pushed out ahead of it escaping the weapons fire before anything else went down. The frigate soon followed and once it was clear of the battleship’s hangar its shuttle bay door rolled open and launched the emergency shuttle that was blocking my path.
The moment the bay was clear I manoeuvred into it, the frigate’s tractor beams bringing me to a safe landing, the bay doors closed and the ship jumped to warp moments later.
Doc and I disembarked from the shuttle and took the elevator to the bridge, there were a half dozen members of the Doradul crew here, manning stations. All but one were auxiliary bridge crew, ones that would take night shifts, the only member of the primary crew here was the Secondary Ops Officer, he and I shared the same rank, though he was technically my superior.
In the pilot’s seat was Nathan grinning his toothy grin at me, “Welcome to the Endeavour 2.”
[Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/131t1q9/first_contacts_part_1/)
[Part 5](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/13rv3xp/first_contacts_part_5/)
[Part 7](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1441zig/first_contacts_part_7/)
(I am running a little behind on writing this last couple of weeks so there may be a missed week in the near future, I will do my best to prevent that, but be warned.)
submitted by Allicia_York to HFY [link] [comments]
[Part 5](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/13rv3xp/first_contacts_part_5/)
[Part 7](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1441zig/first_contacts_part_7/)
“Let’s introduce ourselves to the Captain of this boat!”
Nathan pushed the door control and was greeted with a flashing Yellow light, the door had already been locked down, with that, he took two steps back and levelled his pistol at the bottom left of the door, he began firing his gun, spacing the shots around the edge working his way up the left and along the top of the door, reloading after 12 shots.
Reloading was done between two boxes, when one was empty, or low, he would push it into a belt pack he was wearing, a whir from the pack indicated that it was feeding new rounds into the box and within seconds it was full again.
It took a total of 20 shots for him to reach the place he had started, Nathan reloaded his pistol once more and stepped forward with a spring and brought his right foot up to kick the door, the sound was almost as loud as the gun, the metal finally giving in to the stress and falling away.
Beyond the door were a dozen command officers and four Axarli soldiers, they were already disarmed and ready to surrender, likely as a result of watching the carnage that Nathan had already inflicted on their defence forces.
Most of the Officers were Sovereigns of the Pearls, though a couple of Euterians and a Forgol were among them. “Which one of you is the captain?” Nathan’s voice was raised to an uncomfortable level for the Sovereigns who all covered their auditory antennae, one of the Sovereigns stepped forward her hands still clasped over her antennae.
“Everyone else on the floor, face down and arms out!” Nathan’s voice was still raised but he had lowered it a little. The remaining crew complied with his command.
Nathan lowered his voice back to normal conversational level and turned to the Sovereign Captain “Captain, I understand you are taking prisoners from the surface.”
“That is correct.” The Sovereigns were not able to speak Orvangian directly, so her words issued forth from a worn translator device about her neck.
“I would like you to call your crew and have them surrender.”
“I Do not know your species, but you stand with the Federation against our might!” the Captain and her Sovereign Officers all flourished their hands and feelers in a dance-like display.
I am not sure what happened next, a pulse of electromagnetic energy hit me and my suit was instantly fried, pain shooting through my body at the same time, I found myself laying on the floor the ceiling above me decorated with the flashes of Nathan’s pistol.
Despite the repeated blasts of that handheld cannon, I couldn’t hear a sound and I could see my thoughts around me as though I had engaged in the bond with an Orvangian, I was soon floating on a warm ocean of orange light, enveloping me in its softness.
My eyes drifted closed and Purple Valuri bloomed before me, the faces of my family and the distant arches of my home rose into the sky above. I whooped and laughed like Nathan as I clung to the velvety mane of a Plains Rasil, its legs pounding the landscape into the past behind me, we rose over the hills and across the savannah of Talloral and I Roared like the Volluk on the plains of Orvang.
Dreams fell away to a burning pain as consciousness returned to me, I was in a medical bay, opening my eyes was painful, the white surfaces and bright lights making them sting as much as my chest did.
A pair of Tilik were lingering close to my bedside with relief washing over their faces, they moved back and Nathan stepped into my field of view. His face now sporting several fine slices that welled up with red “Jin! We are glad you’re awake.”
The Tilik flapped their tentacles in agreement and I heard a muffled voice in the background. With considerable pain, I pushed myself into a sitting position so I could survey our situation.
We were still aboard the Separatist ship, in a medical bay, there was a pile of equipment blocking the doors and they had been welded closed, the Euterian officers from the bridge were strapped down to one of the beds though they were unconscious, the Forgol officer was standing beside Nathan a thin trail of white bile trickling from his nasal ducts a sign of the fear and discomfort he was in as a result of having Nathans Pistol barrel so far down his throat that it was likely brushing against his oral lymph nodes.
“What happened?”
Nathan bared his teeth at me, the Forgol seeming to shrink slightly at the expression “Those bejewelled Centipede guys pulled a McClain on us, blasted us with an EMP and Frag weapons.
“I had to shoot them and the power armour guys too, it was a blood bath.
“Your space suit took most of the damage and got fried by the EMP, but you got stuck pretty good yourself. Doc here says you had 28 flechette pieces in you.” Nathan gestured to one of the Tilik.
“The Bejewelled Centipede Guys are called ‘Sovereigns of the Pearls’ and the Power armoured guys are Axarli.” My voice was a little weak but it brought Nathan’s Smile back.
“So, there’s a whole army of those Axarli guys out in the hallway now, waiting for our surrender, but my new pal here says there is a service duct that runs through the floor of this room.” Nathan patted the back of the Tilik he had called Doc earlier.
“Even if we escape this room, where would we go?” I winced and even yelped a little as I swung my legs to hang over the side of the bed.
“Well, this ship’s sensors and weapons are out at the moment, I may have devastated the bridge a bit, so I need you and Doc to go down to the Shuttle and bring it around to their Hangar bay.
“Me and Mister Tactical Officer here.” He grinned at the Forgol officer still tasting his pistol. “We go down to holding, free your fellow crew members and meet you at the light frigate they have parked in the hangar.”
It was as insane as every other plan he had come up with, yet I couldn’t shake the fact that his plans seemed to work every time so I mirrored his thumbs-up gesture to him and slid off the bed.
Gravity on this ship was about 15% lower than what I was used to, which made standing possible, but I could feel the slices of pain in my chest and legs, medication was probably the only reason I was able to move at all.
Nathan passed me the Laser Rifle again and I pointed it at ‘Doc’ but Nathan pushed my gun down, “Woah there, Doc is on board with us, he is my newest pal ok.”
The Tilik’s cybernetic translator chipped in with a slightly musical tone “I don’t want to be here either.”
Doc moved to a floor panel and lifted it away, below was a narrow catwalk surrounded by bundles of cables and pipes. Nathan turned to the second Tilik medic “Remember what I told you!” it nodded and injected itself with a sedative, slumping to the floor within moments.
Doc dropped onto the catwalk and I followed, “Good luck Nathan!”
“Same to you Jin.”
Doc began heading left along the duct, Nathan and his hostage dropped in after us and lowered the panel back in place then headed right.
Doc and I soon arrived at a service shaft, it ascended about ten decks, but it went down to the very bottom of the ship, where we were going. The wall next to the duct had a rail mesh on it and a half dozen tractor lifts were parked here, Doc configured one and stepped off the edge, it grabbed him in its tractor beam and began a swift descent, I followed suit, setting it for deck 210 and stepping into the shaft.
The little rail-mounted tractor-beam device reached Deck 210 in under a minute, it would have been an exhilarating ride if it weren’t for the danger I was in.
Doc arrived a few seconds ahead of me and was waiting on the floor of the shaft when I arrived, he lifted a wall panel off once I dismounted from my tractor lift, beyond the panel was an engineering hallway, not far from the hub where a crate of Tilik still sat.
As we walked past the crate Doc read the top, “Can we let them out now?”
“Let’s take it to the airlock, we can let them out just before we exit the ship.”
Doc hooked a lifter dolly to the crate and began pushing it along with us.
We soon reached the airlock Nathan and I had used to enter the ship, my suit was damaged from the flechette attack, and the computer systems had rebooted now but I had to patch it before we could decompress, “Do you need any protection?”
“How long will we be in the vacuum?” Tilik are all able to survive for short periods out in space, but some are augmented for longer periods.
“About 20 minutes, maybe more.”
Doc took a magnetic field generator from the airlock and attached it to his harness, it would provide additional protection from radiation, which he was going to need so near those engine cones.
Once my suit was sealed, we stepped into the airlock and I reached out to the crate to push the release, as soon as the lid popped up, I pulled back and hit the airlock controls. It only took moments for the airlock to cycle and the outer door to open.
I took the lead out into the engine spaces and made my way back to the panel that Nathan had hastily welded back into place, with the laser rifle I shot each weld and then gave it a good kick, the panel breaking loose and floating away from the hull. It occurred to me that I had never done anything like this before, this was the sort of action that Nathan would have taken, it was exactly how he had gained access to the command centre, shot the door and kicked it open.
I didn’t dwell on the thought, the engines were still hot so I clambered out followed by Doc, the Shuttle wasn’t far away so we moved as quickly as we could manage.
It wasn’t long before we were in the rear of the shuttle, “Doc, can you fly?”
“No, I am a medical specialist, but I do have some engineering training.”
“See if you can get the laser banks back online.”
Doc pulled a repair kit from the wall and began a diagnostic survey, I left him to work and glanced at the device sitting on one of the chairs here, it was clearly the black case Nathan had recovered from the Endeavour, but now it was open, the lid was raised on a framework, becoming the top of the device, I recognised what it was, though I had never seen a portable one before, it was a Fabricator, able to manufacture items from schematic diagrams, the Doradul had several of them in the engineering bays but they were large and fitted into the walls.
I stepped through into the cockpit and strapped in, I wasn’t a pilot like Nathan but I had hundreds of hours of shuttle operations time, I could only hope that the battleship’s weapons were still disabled.
The shuttle detached from the Separatist ship and I kept close to the hull, moving as quickly as I felt comfortable doing at this distance. Once we were out from among the engine cones I turned onto the dorsal surface of the battleship, its cannons were all aimed forward now, sitting in their standby positions and none reacted to my presence.
I picked up the pace as I navigated between turrets and antennae clusters, not as reckless as Nathan had been, but I was ignoring my instructor’s safety rules as it knocked a radar dish off the surface of the battleship.
We were almost at the prow of the ship where the hangar was when the laser banks came back to life, I set them to strafing auto-targeting mode, so I could shoot any Axarli in the hangar with the squeeze of a trigger.
My reckless disregard for flight safety reached its peak as I passed the prow of the battleship, making a hard roll and braking as Nathan had done, I even bared my teeth when I completed the move without crashing.
“What was that!” I heard Doc’s Translator proclaim from the rear compartment.
The Hangar ahead was open an atmospheric shield keeping it from depressurising, I could see a few deck crew and some Axarli were targeted by the shuttle’s computer.
I advanced the shuttle through the shield so the weapons fire would not evacuate the atmosphere, the sudden shift from zero-G to the downward pull of the hangar’s gravity forced the shuttle’s nose thrusters to fire and shook the shuttle. As soon as we were through the shield I pressed the trigger and the shuttles laser bank began to fire, deck crew scattered to shelter while Axarli troops began to return fire.
There was plenty of space in the hangar, the Light Frigate stood like a tower on the Port side allowing me to make evasive moves and even take cover. It didn’t take long before the hangar deck was largely clear, even the Axarli had retreated into the surrounding hallways and rooms to avoid being incinerated by the shuttle’s laser.
After they withdrew I had little to do but hover and wait for Nathan to arrive, Doc came into the cockpit once we had stopped firing “What now?”
“Until Nathan and my crew arrive there is not much we can do.” The Tilik had sided with the Separatists back during the war and Doc deciding to join us was beginning to bother me, why would he sign up for fleet duty only to abandon it?
“Doc, why are you here?”
He looked slightly puzzled at my question, “You mean why did I decide to join you and Nathan?”
“Yes, why would you sign up for fleet service in the Separatist army only to abandon your post now.”
“I didn’t sign up, you know we share our home planet with the Norold.”
I gave an affirmative gesture.
“Well since the Separatist council decided to rebuild the fleet they needed crews, and the Norold were quick to support the new fleet, they decided that every family of Norold and Tilik would provide one person for the fleet forces.
“This was easy for them, they have families of dozens each, but Tilik families are usually no more than five to eight, so to protect my family from reprisals and my mother from forced service I stepped in to replace her.”
Doc deflated in the co-pilot’s chair, I was aware that the Tilik were very peaceful before the Separatist war, many believed that they were not enthusiastic supporters of the Separatists, especially since the planet Ghoat was still a member of the federation despite being a Tilik colony.
“So, you figure that the Separatist fleet will write you off as a casualty now and your family will be safe.”
“Exactly, the Euterian Officers don’t know I am siding with you, my colleague understands and promised to keep it secret, the Fleet will compensate my family and send condolences.”
Through the window of the shuttle, I saw weapons fire again, a group of Axarli backing out of their cover position and under fire from a combination of Plasma Fire and the unmistakable streaks of white thunder that Nathan’s pistol issued forth.
I opened fire again, clearing away the Axarli that had broken cover, moments later Nathan emerged with twenty of the Doradul’s Crew and one Forgol captive, they were using Axarli sidearms and seemed to be carrying makeshift shields.
Axarli in other covered positions began firing on them so I lowered the shuttle and fired back, Nathan pushed his team toward the frigate and up the gangway.
I moved the shuttle to cover them as much as possible, taking dozens of hits from plasma casters, their rifles were not going to fell the shuttle quickly but the damage was already mounting up, soon my laser bank was down again and moments later navigation followed.
“Jin, we are about to launch.” Buddy’s voice sounded over my suit’s com system.
“OK, I am right behind you, I will need to dock soon, my navigation is out.” As soon as I finished speaking, my Warp drive went offline as well.
The Frigate began to ascend moments later, I turned and pushed out ahead of it escaping the weapons fire before anything else went down. The frigate soon followed and once it was clear of the battleship’s hangar its shuttle bay door rolled open and launched the emergency shuttle that was blocking my path.
The moment the bay was clear I manoeuvred into it, the frigate’s tractor beams bringing me to a safe landing, the bay doors closed and the ship jumped to warp moments later.
Doc and I disembarked from the shuttle and took the elevator to the bridge, there were a half dozen members of the Doradul crew here, manning stations. All but one were auxiliary bridge crew, ones that would take night shifts, the only member of the primary crew here was the Secondary Ops Officer, he and I shared the same rank, though he was technically my superior.
In the pilot’s seat was Nathan grinning his toothy grin at me, “Welcome to the Endeavour 2.”
[Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/131t1q9/first_contacts_part_1/)
[Part 5](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/13rv3xp/first_contacts_part_5/)
[Part 7](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1441zig/first_contacts_part_7/)
(I am running a little behind on writing this last couple of weeks so there may be a missed week in the near future, I will do my best to prevent that, but be warned.)
2023.05.31 08:40 AreaOk1445 Please help with Kenmore 90 dryer not heating
 | Before I attempt testing with a multimeter. Does anyone know where this green and yellow cable is supposed to be connected. Hopefully this is causing the dryer to not heat but I really don’t know. Thanks! submitted by AreaOk1445 to Appliances [link] [comments] |
2023.05.31 00:26 FallingSh4dow Cub Cadet Deck Question
I have a Cub Cadet Lt1550 that I’m in need of a deck for, locally there’s a 50” deck off of a Lt1050 for sale. I’m not familiar with the different models and can’t find much online, since they’re both 50” decks is the 1050 deck compatible with the 1550 mower?
submitted by FallingSh4dow to lawnmowers [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 21:11 miye233 Batch sale of decks and other parts
 | minimum order quantity: 50 units mixed submitted by miye233 to boostedboards [link] [comments] New Mini Deck - $50 New V3 Long Deck (wired) - $90 Gates belt (225-3m)- $5 Front + rear truck(no motor plate) -$50 The items are located in China, shipping fee is not included. For larger quantity, the price will be negotiable. |