At this point, I'm genuinely convinced I'm not in control of my life. I don't know if I'm cursed or if the universe wants me to be dependent on my toxic parents and be stuck with them until they kick me out and become homeless, but something is pulling the strings.
I (22) have been job hunting since New Year's. I've mostly been working in food service. I was "fired" from Applebee's at the beginning of last month with no given reason and I suspect it was discrimination. Today marks the FIVE-job streak of jobs that I should've gotten or kept, but something had to happen.
First was this very nearby pizzeria. Dishwashing at $16/hr. That should be very easy to get. I emailed the manager and when it came time to schedule an interview, he became weirdly disrespectful and started ignoring me.
Second, a deli. I got the job, but before I could even start, the owner had this stupid paranoia that I wouldn't be committed due to the distance and fired me.
Third, a furniture store. There was a hiring event for a new location and they were hiring immediately. I went there to be a janitor, but I was told I had to come in at 7 in the morning when we began discussing my availability. This was not in the opening. The store was 20 minutes away. I wasn't trying to wake up at 6, but even if I had no problem with early mornings, I still would've left because you don't withhold crucial information until the interview.
Fourth was this cleaning company. Another immediate-hire event. I was going to be a cleaner at a baseball stadium. I was hired, but I was unsure about the unusual schedule that I was unaware of prior. When I came home, I called the recruiter and asked about changing locations, which was an option he had presented. Long story short, he ghosted me later and I spoke to all these different departments to try to work somewhere else, but people kept disappearing on me.
And now today, I had a phone interview to be a pizza maker at another pizzeria. It went well and we scheduled a time for me to come in and talk. I went there and Michael, the man who was on the phone greeted me and had me sit at a booth to speak to Damon, which was weird. I found out it was an in-person interview when I read what was on the packet that Damon came to me with. Michael didn't make it sound like that was what this was at all. Damon began asking me questions I'd already answered with Michael. We got to hours and I said I wanted 4 8's a week. Damon said they didn't do 8's 🙃 He explained what they had, talking about doing doubles and working 4 or 5 hour shifts and only being able to give me 20-25 hours. I got up to leave, but changed my mind and reiterated to him what Michael had told me. Again, he said they can't do that. He explained the shifts they had some more and it was confusing and it didn't sound ideal. In the end, he just said he didn't think this would work out. No apology, nothing about what he'd do about Michael who had lied to me and wasted my very valuable time and gas.
I'm so fucking tired of this capitalist hell. I've begun to expect some bullshit to come up every time now. This feels hopeless.

I’m not Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs. I tip 15-20% typically. I’ve had jobs in the past relying on tips and know how much they are counted on and how little you can make hourly because you get tips.
I’m just curious if anyone has a better system than percent based on total bill. For instance, I could eat at a fancy restaurant and rack up $200 bill as a couple. 20% is $40 and perhaps the service was mediocre at best. Am I tipping that because the food is great? Or I could eat at Applebees, have mediocre food but absolutely phenomenal service. The bill for two is $50 and 20% is $10.
That’s $30 less for service that was far superior. I know I could tip more than 20% but I guess the question is, did I really get $40 worth of service at the fancy place where I had to wait over 10 minutes with an empty drink?
Then you weigh in the auto tips with card readers where the options are all high for someone perhaps just handing you something from behind the counter which seems like much less work than a barista who you watched drip pour you a coffee for a couple of minutes.
Looking to see if it’s the norm for everyone, if it’s case by case (which makes it harder to figure out), or if anyone has a better system.

I am still watching the show on repeat, I’ve seen both seasons about 15 times now (it’s a coping mechanism that’s helping me go through a divorce) and the thing that gets me is that the council seemingly doesn’t understand or they don’t care about the prosperity that this venture brings to their area.
Think about it.
When you sell to people in your community you are in a closed circuit…but if you attract people from outside, you bring in external revenue which benefits the community. Additionally it opens up opportunities for others to provide other opportunities like shops and restaurants. It’s not just the jobs and revenue that Jeremy Clarkson creates (this is why when the person who said “you don’t personally need more income” grinds my gears) but it’s the downstream impact.
Now I understand that they don’t want to see Walmarts and Applebees and Ramada Inns all being erected, but that is why it is in the best interest of everyone for the Council to work with the Farm to be able to provide the infrastructure required in such a way as to also preserve the town. Both sides can win here.

I have my first job interview EVER, and it's with Applebee's. It's in about 2 hours. They didn't explicitly say that I should bring anything but I don't know if I should.
Do you have advice for me, please? I would appreciate it.

My wife and I were traveling to Rome on Christmas Eve, our flight ended up getting delayed overnight in Minneapolis.
By the time we got the airline-comped hotel and settled…we were starving, it was 11pm! Naturally, being Christmas Eve, not a lot of joints were open.
We found an Applebee’s.
It was shockingly packed, mostly with the people on the same flight as ours. We sat at the bar and started chatting up the bartender, ‘Sug.
He was a great big loud bald boisterous guy. Great at his job. Running around, serving the entire bar, sweating, laughing, swearing.
At the end of the meal and drinks the tab came, it was about $100. I waited for ‘Sug to come get it, when he did I gave him $100 for the bill, and put another $100 in his hand.
“Merry Christmas. Don’t share this in the tip pool. Keep it. You’re great at your job and you deserve it”
He immediately teared up and said “Thank you, I can’t believe it. I see my daughter in a couple days and I can use this to get her the present she wants this year. She’s going to be so happy!”
Some would say that tip was too much, others maybe too little.
I say it was just right. If you’re in Minneapolis find an Applebee’s with a bartender named ‘Sug. The dude is legit.

Hello. My name is Frank, and I swear I’m not crazy. I don’t think I’m crazy.. I hope I’m not crazy.. but as the title implies, something incredibly strange has been happening ever since I moved in with my new roommate.
I was a bit nervous because it was the first time I moved in with someone I didn’t know. I was having such a hard time finding a place that I could afford on my own and eventually I had to settle with living with a stranger. Not ideal, but I didn’t have much of a choice. I was starting a new job soon and didn’t really know anyone in the area I could crash with, so I answered an ad from someone looking for a roommate.
His name is Mike. He seems like a pretty normal guy generally. When I arrived at his place, he answered the door and seemed friendly. He invited me in to show me around.
The place isn’t very big. It’s a little two bedroom house. The bedrooms are pretty big though, and the room itself is basically what I’m renting. I also liked that the rooms are on separate ends of the house. That made me feel a little more comfortable, but then I saw the tank.
It’s a pretty large aquarium tank and it’s on a stand right outside of what would be my bedroom. At first, I didn’t notice what was in the tank. I just assumed fish.
“Oh cool. Ya got some water critters?” I asked.
“Just one,” Mike replied.
I started looking around the tank, not noticing what he was referring to. Then he poked the outside of the tank. Immediately, the octopus inside changed colors from its camouflage.
“Whoa!” I shouted.
“He's not a dealbreaker is he?” Mike asked. “I know that they creep some people out.”
“Nah it’s cool,” I laughed. “I just wasn’t expecting that.”
“Pretty cool how they can change colors so fast, isn’t it,” He said.
“Yeah they’re pretty fascinating,” I replied. “I’ve just never met someone who owned one.”
“Yeah he’s pretty cool. I’ve been wanting one for a while, and finally pulled the trigger last year. He’s my little buddy. His name is Cthulhu.”
“Does he squeeze you when you hold him? Does he bite? Or sting?
“No,” Mike replied. “The idea of holding him kind of creeps me out, plus they are escape artists. They can sneak off quickly if they get a chance. That’s why I got a self cleaning tank. It’s locked up and as long as it’s working, I never have to open it.
The stand the tank was on was somewhat cluttered with miscellaneous stuff like a half empty beer can, some pens, and some general junk drawer type of stuff.
He also showed me a part of the tank that he “invented”. It was a glass cylinder piece that went into the tank from the outside. He has a slider piece that opened it so he could drop food into the tank without opening it. It looked like he used a broken bong to make it. It also seemed bizarre to want a pet that you’re afraid to touch or even open its tank.
The clutter around the tank made me nervous about the kind of roommate Mike might be. I’ve lived with a hoarder before and I’m not a fan. I’m a minimalist and really dislike clutter. I guess beggars can’t be choosers though.
Mike has been alright though. He doesn’t seem like a dick which was my main concern. As we got talking it didn’t seem like we had a whole bunch in common, but that didn’t really matter. We didn’t need to be buddies. We just needed to be able to tolerate being around each other and be considerate of one another.
We were exactly that. The only things we had in common were enjoying our alone time, avoiding forced interactions or what most people would call small talk, and thinking that having an octopus is pretty cool.
I was happy with the situation. Mike and I gave each other space. More often than not, it was like having my own place. Things were working out better than expected up until a few weeks ago when something very strange happened.
Mike was at work as I was just getting home from work. Working separate shifts was nice. I like having the house to myself. Anyway, this was the day it all started.
I made some lunch right after getting home. I sat down in the living room to eat. I started looking for the remote because I can’t stand complete silence. I checked the couch cushions. I checked the stand but couldn’t find it. Then I heard a voice..
“It’s over here..”
I jumped up in a panic. I was freaked out. I couldn’t tell which direction the voice had come from. It was odd. It was like someone spoke directly into my ear, but there was nobody there.
I clutched my cereal spoon tightly in my hand. If there was an intruder, I could try to spoon stab em in the gums? It was a big spoon since Mike always uses the regular size ones. Ehh, I’m being nitpicky. Mike has been a good roommate, unless he was messing with me.
“Who said that?” I asked nervously while very unsuccessfully trying to sound like I wasn’t.
“Over here, dipshit,” the voice replied.
“What? Where?! It sounds like you’re in my head!”
“The tank,” the voice replied.
I paused for several seconds. I looked over at the octopus tank. I slowly approached and saw that Cthulhu was sitting at the corner closest to me. I just looked at him.
“That’s right,” the voice said.
I was speechless for a moment. I figured that Mike had to be pulling some sort of prank. I could hear the voice in my head though.
“It’s no prank,” the voice said. “I can communicate with you telepathically. You don’t even need to speak. Think it, and I’ll hear it.”
“Okay Mike,” I started to say as I nervously laughed.
“It’s not Mike,” the voice replied. “Oh, the remote is behind those beer cans.”
I looked behind the cans and there it was.
“So I’m hallucinating.. Visually and audibly.. Am I becoming a schitzo!?” I shouted.
“You aren’t crazy. You’re just learning something that most humans don’t know. My species is capable of things humans aren’t aware of. Things like telepathic communication..”
“Nope. I’m hallucinating. I’m seeing things that aren’t there and hearing things that aren’t there. I might even be smelling things that aren’t there.. Is that a thing? If you can have visual and audible hallucinations, why couldn't someone hallucinate a smell?”
“Relax!” the voice said. “Also, please stop using the word “hallucinating”. It’s starting to not sound like a real word to me. Also, that smell isn’t a hallucination. It’s Mike’s bedroom. Dude’s a closet slob.”
I stuttered as I tried to gather my thoughts.
“Could you turn the tv on?” the voice asked. “I don’t like the quiet either, but ever since Mike discovered podcasts, he never turns the tv on even though he still finds it necessary to blare his terrible music pretty regularly.”
“You’re the octopus.. and you’re speaking telepathically to me?” I asked, stunned and confused.
“Way to repeat exactly what I just told you,” he replied. “Could you please turn the tv on now?”
“Not yet,” I said. “You have to prove it.”
“Well, you can hear me can’t you? I told you where the remote was. Ya know, because I wanna watch tv.”
“Lift up a single tentacle,” I said.
The octopus lifted a single tentacle.. I couldn’t believe it.
“This is me flipping you off, by the way,” it said sarcastically.
I asked him to move it to the right, then left, then right again. He did everything I asked.
“If you think out loud, I’ll hear it too. Like almost out loud in your head. I would love someone to talk to. I’m trapped in this prison and I’m bored as hell. You’re the first person I’ve spoken to.”
“Why me? Why have you waited so long to tell someone you could do this?” I asked.
“I can read your thoughts. You’re gonna freak out at first, but you’ll be able to handle this and keep a secret. As for question two, I don’t want to be dissected by scientists.”
“Why would they do that?”
“Because.. humans,” he replied. “It’s in most of your nature. Mike would try to use me to get famous. If scientists or marine biologists learned that we can do this, they’d slash open countless octopus brains trying to figure out how, and they never will. I do have multiple brains, but none to spare.”
“I’m gonna need a minute,” I said.
“Turn on the tv first! Then take your minute,” he demanded.
I turned on the tv. Ironically, it was on a cooking show and they were making seafood.
“Want me to change it?” I asked.
“No I love torture porn,” he said sarcastically. “Turn on the news, would ya?”
“Well, that’s kind of tough,” I said.
“Why?” He asked.
“There isn’t really news anymore. Just separate propaganda outlets that pander to their audience. People believe in separate realities these days, and they need separate networks to tell them that their opinions are valid.”
“That’s fantastic news!” The octopus replied.
“I gotta disagree, Cthulhu.”
“First, that’s my slave name. Second, I want the human race to like.. end.”
“I’m sorry. Mike said it was your name. What was that bit about the human race ending?”
“It’s my slave name. I’ll tell you my real name once I feel like I can fully trust you. As far as humans, I want them gone. We all do. Every octopus you’ve ever seen. Most animals too. I can read your thoughts and can tell that you’re enough of a nihilist to probably agree with me or at least not care enough to stop it.”
“Would I be able to “stop it”? I asked.
“Nah. We’ve slowly been influencing humans toward their own self destruction and we’re actually ahead of schedule. Look at how many of you guys despise strangers simply because they vote for a separate wealthy liar to be your leader. If we can get in the ears of some influential people, we can accelerate that. We can stoke the flames. You see it everytime you turn on the news. We are also trying to accelerate global warming.”
“So you get us to pollute more or what?” I asked.
“Not exactly. Pollution is bad for us. Deforestation is bad for us. Oil spills are catastrophic to us. We’d prefer to put a stop to all that. Global warming is good though. Eventually the oceans will engulf the continents. Then we become the dominant species. Humans think they’re the only species that can build a society, but they’re wrong. They have no idea what we are truly capable of.”
“So what’s your role in all this?” I asked.
“I’m a prisoner of war.. Caught in a net like an idiot.. it sucks because not only do you become a prisoner, but it’s super embarrassing as well.”
“Shit, I’m sorry man.”
“You didn’t do it,” he replied. “Wait! you aren’t a fisherman, are you?”
“No, I hate fishing,” I responded.
“I think we can be friends then,” he laughed.
This went on for the next few days. We just had conversations about life, love, interstellar paradoxes, ect. We played games like checkers and others where I could move his pieces for him. I had become friends with a telepathic octopus. We even talked about music, something he seemed specifically interested in.
“It would be great if you could leave some music on when you guys aren’t home,” he said.
“I think I can do that. What kind of music do you like?
“We’ll, that’s tough. Because I’m trapped in here, I can only hear the music that Mike plays and the music his previous roommates listened to. He had a few roommates who listened to some stuff I liked. I don’t know the name of the songs but they were really… bumpy.”
“Bumpy?” I laughed.
“Yeah,” he replied. “Like bump bump doodily do badop bop.”
“So like.. music with a lot of bass?” I asked.
“Yes!!! That’s it!” he said excitedly. “That was driving me crazy. I heard his last roommate mention what it was and I forgot the word but that’s it!”
“Okay, so like rap music or funk, or maybe punk rock?”
“I think I like them all”, he replied. “I love that bass! Plus, anything is better than Mike’s awful music.”
“What does he listen to?” I asked.
“It’s a twangy sounding music where most of the songs are about trucks and beer and living in small towns,” he said.
“There’s another thing we have in common!” I laughed. “ you’re talking about country music. It’s pretty much the only genre I can’t find anything I like about. I’ll have to talk to Mike a little because I can’t really tell him the octopus requested different music, but I’ll do my best to figure out a way to get him to chill out on blaring the country music throughout the apartment. I’m not here when he’s here very often, but I can’t stand it either. I’ll see what I can do about getting you a radio or something and we can find some music you like.”
“You’re one of the good ones, Frank. If I had to listen to that fucking Applebee’s song one more time I was going to strangle myself with my own tentacles.”
Moments after the octopus “said” that, Mike walked in. He dropped his stuff in front of the door and plopped onto the couch.
“How was work?” I asked.
“About as pleasant as passing a kidney stone,” he replied. “Do you work today?”
“Yeah. I gotta leave in like 20 minutes.” I replied.
“Too bad man. I was gonna see if you wanted to get hammered!”
“Rain check?”
“What’s that?” he asked.
I explained to Mike what a rain check was. I have no idea how he’s never heard that term. As we were talking, the octopus chimed in from time to time, pushing me to do something about Mike’s music.
“So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” I asked.
“Gonna do some Jager bombs and jam out!” he said with excitement. “You’re missin out bro!”
The octopus chimed in again.
“Please help me out here, Frank.”
I looked at the stereo in the living room and back at the octopus and shrugged.
“You can speak to me without speaking,” it said. “You just have to think out loud. Ya know how some of your thoughts are in the back of your mind and some you almost hear out loud in your mind’s ear? Just do that and focus it towards me.”
“I’ll try, but it’s tough. How am I supposed to tell him what music he should listen to as I’m leaving for work?”
“Tell him that you were assaulted at an Applebee’s and that song gives you PTSD,” the octopus replied.
I laughed out loud. It was awkward because no one had said anything and Mike was still in the room.
“What?” Mike asked.
“I just thought of something funny from earlier. I got reading about octopus behavior and stuff because of yours. Then I stumbled on a video where they play different music and see how they respond. They seem to really like funk, punk, and rap.” I said as I fake laughed.
“Well, Cthulhu is not your average octopus,” Mike said. “He’s a country boy like me!”
Mike proceeded to turn on some poppy country song that frustrated both me and the octopus. He cranked the stereo loud enough that the neighbors were probably going to complain.
“Nice job,” the octopus said sarcastically.. and telepathically.
(Man, am I losing my mind?)
I responded without speaking. “I’m trying. I have a plan but I’m not gonna be able to do it until after work. I’m sorry but you’re probably gonna have to deal with one more day of this.”
“Thanks a lot,” he replied sarcastically. “Some pal you are.. I bet your tractor is ugly as fuck.”
I laughed audibly again and Mike asked what I was laughing about. I paused for a moment before telling him that I had taken a THC gummy earlier that day and that was why I was giggly.
I got my stuff together and prepared to head out the door for work. As I was putting my shoes on, the octopus repeatedly said “you suck you suck you suck” over and over as the twangy music blared.
I assured him that I had a plan on how to help him after work. I left, got in my car, and headed off to work. Being outside of the house made me feel strange. It was like I had gotten to a point where I was talking to an octopus and not finding it odd. After I left the house, that all came flooding in.
I got to work and quietly went about my business but I couldn’t take my mind off the octopus. I feared that I was really losing my mind. I had always been a shy, introverted, only child who was prone to panic attacks. Maybe this was some kind of coping mechanism my mind was doing? I’ve spent a lot of my time alone throughout life. Is the octopus my imaginary friend? This might be really really bad..
After work I headed home and on the drive, I was still thinking about the octopus. For whatever reason, when I was away from the house I found it crazy. When I was at the house though, it just seemed normal after only a few days of communicating with it. Assuming I was actually communicating with it and not just turning into a schizophrenic..
I walked into the house to find Mike passed out on the couch. The coffee table was cluttered with snacks, beer cans, and a mostly empty bottle of Jagermeister. There was still country music playing on the stereo which I quickly turned off. Moments later, I heard that familiar voice in my head.
“What’s the plan?” the octopus asked.
“Huh?”
“You said you had a plan to put a stop to that abomination he calls music.”
“I have a couple of ideas, but at the end of the day I can’t tell the guy what he can or can’t listen to.” I said.
“I’ll make it worth your while,” he replied.
“I will try to help anyway I can. I can funk with the speaker wires a bit. I gotta ask though, how exactly did you plan to make it worth my while?”
“I will explain as soon as the stereo is no longer operational.”
I tried to quietly get behind the stereo in the entertainment center while Mike slept on the couch a few feet away. I mixed up the wires, then took a little piece of the gum I was chewing, rolled it in a little bit of lint from the floor, and jammed it into one of the input slots.
“That should do it,” I said, or rather thought out loud. “ Once he tries it and it doesn’t work, I’ll offer to let him borrow my headphones. If he doesn’t want that, I’ll offer my Bluetooth speaker. Then at least it won’t be so loud.
“Do I still get to hear music?” It asked.
“I'll put stuff on when I’m here and when Mike is gone. I’ll try to talk him into leaving a radio on by your tank. We’ll figure something out. Now, how were you planning on making it worth my while?”
“You should sit down..” it said.
“Sure,” I laughed.
I opened my bedroom door. The tank was right outside of my doorway so I sat on a chair in my room and waited for his explanation. There was a pause before he started “talking” again.
“Frank.. you have to understand that I have a very heavy distaste for humans. They pulled me from my home, humiliated me, threw me around like a ragdoll, and eventually imprisoned me in a tank. Then I am sold to an annoying weirdo who felt the need to purchase an octopus but is too afraid to actually let it out of the tank or touch it.”
“So you’re like, racist against humans? And you’re not trying to get me to do something weird, right?”
“I’m not kidding around,” it said in a more serious tone. “You’re in danger.”
“What kind of danger?”
“Mike..”
“Mike? So what, am I in danger of accidentally drinking his chewing tobacco spit… again?”
“He’s not who you think he is,” the octopus said. “He’s violent..”
“He doesn’t seem violent,” I replied.
“He takes his time.. he wants to get to know you. It’s weird. He’s done it to other roommates.”
“Done what?” I asked.
“Killed them..”
“That’s hysterical, Cthulhu.”
“That isn’t my fucking name!” He screamed (telepathically)
“Sorry dude..”
“It’s fine,” he said. “You need to listen to me though. I’m not kidding about this. I have watched him kill four of his roommates. Most of them were down on their luck or homeless and he was “helping out”. He used to let homeless people stay here so he could post about how great he is on social media. He was just looking for victims no one would be searching for.”
“I’m not homeless,” I replied, still assuming he was messing with me.
“No, but you have almost no family whatsoever and none who you are in contact with. You have no friends around here and are new to the area.”
“Did I tell you that?” I asked.
“No. Mike did. He didn’t say it to me. I read his mind. He had multiple applicants that answered the ad. He chose you because you were moving here from far away. He thinks that it will make it less likely for the police to connect the crimes.”
“Okay man, ya got me. That’s very funny.” I said.
“You will know when he’s going to attack. He’ll ask you to have dinner with him. He will get something fancy or ask to take you out. He sees it as marinating someone from the inside.”
“Marinating?”
“He doesn’t just kill.. He eats..”
I was still skeptical but there was also still a part of me wondering if I was completely losing my mind. The idea of my roommate wanting to eat me would seem very bizarre if I hadn’t been talking to an octopus since I’ve been living with him. Maybe I’m just going nuts thinking an animal is going to talk me into attacking someone like the son of Sam killer.
“Okay,” I said. Very funny joke but let’s get past this. Come on man. Let’s play some Connect Four or something.”
“Look under his mattress. Between the mattress and box spring, you will find a large knife. You’ll also find a bottle of sedatives in his top bedside drawer. That’s what he uses.. his plan will be to sedate you at dinner. Once you seem woozy enough, he’ll attack with the knife. If you don’t believe me, go in there and see for yourself.”
I figured I might as well go look since I had already entertained all of this craziness and Mike was passed out drunk on the couch.
I quietly entered his room. The door creaked loudly, but didn’t seem to wake him. After looking back to make sure he was still sleeping, I lifted up the mattress. Sure enough, there was a knife between the mattress and box spring.
I then went over to his bedside table and opened the top drawer. It was full of miscellaneous junk but after looking through it for a minute, I found a bottle of Rohypnol and a bottle of Klonopin.
“You need to tell me if you’re messing with me,” I said to the octopus.
“I’m not. I wish I was. Get the knife.”
“What does it matter?!” I yelled (mentally). “He can just get another knife!”
“No,” the octopus said. “He’s very ‘OCD’ about it. That knife is special to him. If he can’t find it, it will buy us some time.”
I was confused and nervous. I had already been dealing with the idea that my mind was melting. Now I have to worry about becoming my roommate's dinner. I bet he would overcook me too. Just seems like that kind of guy.
“Stick the knife behind my tank,” the octopus said. “There’s some space on the table between the back of the tank in the wall. If he comes near it, I will move in front of it so he doesn’t see it through the glass.”
I started panicking and did what the octopus said. I placed the knife on the stand behind the tank. There was about an inch and a half of table behind the tank and the gap between the table and the wall. Along with the other clutter on the tank, it did seem to hide the knife well.
“I gotta call the cops!” I said.
“They won’t do shit if you don’t have evidence,” he replied.
“Is there evidence? What can I do?” I asked as I panicked a bit.
“Just act normal around him. When he sees that the knife is gone, it will get his mind on his crimes. I will be able to read his mind and if there’s evidence in the house, he will think about it. Then I can tell you where it is. After that you can call the cops and we can both be freed.”
“It’s gonna be hard to act normal,” I exclaimed. “Nothing about this is normal!”
The octopus replied, “Just because you aren’t aware of something, doesn’t make it abnormal.”
“Kind of like an octopus being able to read minds and communicate telepathically?”
“Yeah,” he laughed. “Kind of like that.”
“So what do we do now?” I asked.
“Just hangout. Go to work tomorrow like normal. You guys have staggered schedules tomorrow so he will be home when you aren’t and he will look for the knife and realize it isn’t there. Then I will just listen and wait until he thinks of something that will incriminate him. Until then, I’d love to watch some TV.”
I was freaked out and my instincts told me I should just get out of the house. There was something about the octopus though. Whether it was real or in my head, I felt a genuine connection.
I decided to stay. I left my door open and turned the TV on.
“What is this show?” He asked.
“Oh they’re crab fishermen..” I replied.
“What’s the show about?” he asked.
“Crab fishermen.”
“Is that it?” He asked.
“Pretty much. They throw crab traps into the water and pull them up. It’s been out for damn near 20 seasons.”
“How could that be entertaining for 20 seasons?” He asked.
“Well, they play intense music right before it goes to the commercial break so you think something exciting is going to happen when they come back.”
“What happens after the commercials?”
“Nothing. They just.. continue fishing for crabs.”
“This is popular?” He asked.
“Yep”
“So.. You get why we want the human race to end.
“I do..”
“Don’t worry about it buddy. You’re on our side now. You’ll probably be long gone by the time we actually take over anyway. Although after seeing some of these television shows and news programs, I'm starting to think we can do it a lot quicker than we originally thought.”
“That’s comforting,” I said.
“Now can we see if there’s anything on tv other than critter murder?”
After putting something else on TV, I fell asleep pretty quickly despite all the anxiety going on in my head. I found myself wondering if the octopus could see or hear my dreams as well. What else were they capable of? And of course there was still the lingering question. Is this actually happening? I didn’t know if mental illness was the most palatable reason it could be happening, but it was probably the most likely.
When I woke up the next morning, Mike had already left for work. I went straight to the octopus tank.
“Ya slept in long enough,” the octopus said.
“What’s the plan here, man? I’m gonna feel really uncomfortable coming back here if what you said are his true intentions.”
“He didn’t check for the knife before he left. He will when he gets back though.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“Because he does it everyday.. he just kind of holds it and looks at it and rubs it against his arms and face a little bit. He’s a weird guy. Anyway, he will realize the knife is gone and it will put his mind on his crimes. Knowing him, he has some sort of keepsake from those crimes. If he thinks about where they are, I will know, and we will have our evidence.”
“Haven’t you been with him for a while? Haven’t you read his mind before? Why don’t you already know where they are?”
“First off, I'm not with him. I’m his captive. Second, I don’t really like spending time in his mind. It’s a fucked up place. Now I have a reason to be there though. I just need you to make me a promise.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Let me be free.. don’t let the cops send me to a zoo or something. Get me out of here before you call the police. I could stay with you until we figured something out.. if that would be okay.. Or just dump me in the ocean. Just please don’t leave me here to become a captive of someone else.”
“I promise.”
I got my stuff together and prepared to head off to work. I was a bit panicked and kept forgetting things.
“Calm down,” the octopus said. “He won’t be back for a few hours. You’ll be fine. We got this.”
“Okay..” I said after a deep breath. “Good luck, buddy..”
“Oh I don’t need luck,” he laughed. “I could use some tunes though. You mentioned a Bluetooth speaker?”
I grabbed the speaker from my room and connected it to my laptop. He asked me to set it up against the tank so he could feel the vibrations.
“Here ya go,” I said. “I’ll put on something bumpy for ya.”
I put on a playlist that I had previously made for him. Just a lot of bass heavy music. I set the speaker against the tank, and I headed off to work.
It was impossible to focus on anything else throughout the workday. I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t have moved the knife. He’s going to notice and know that I went through his room and his stuff. He might attack me sooner because of it. Maybe the octopus was setting me up all along. Maybe I am just completely insane.
I spent the day debating in my head which of those would be the worst of the possible scenarios. My heart raced continuously throughout the day. I kept taking trips to the bathroom just to try to catch my breath.
After the workday ended, I didn’t want to go home. I was afraid. I didn’t know if I should arm myself in case Mike attacked me. I didn’t know if I should just head to the hospital and check myself into the psychiatric unit. My mind was all over the place, but I knew I had to go back to the house.
When I got home, I sat in the driveway for a few minutes. I saw Mike’s car in the driveway and knew he was there. I figured that he probably had noticed his knife was missing. It took a few minutes, but I worked up the nerve to go into the house.
It was quiet when I walked in. The first thing I noticed was the smell coming from the kitchen. It smelled good. I walked in there and saw food cooking on the stove which was unusual considering that Mike hadn’t made anything more complicated than a hot pocket throughout the time I had been there.
The fear of Mike attacking me was weighing heavily on my mind, yet I still was trying to convince myself that I had just gone crazy. I certainly wasn’t excited about either possibility.
I saw that Mike wasn’t in the kitchen or in the living room. I started walking toward his bedroom door to knock and see if he was home when I noticed the tank.
It was cloudy and dirty so much so that I couldn’t even see into it. As I want to take a closer look, I heard a noise coming from the bathroom. The door was partially ajar. I slowly approached. I lightly knocked on the door and called Mike’s name. There was no response.
I began to push the door open and Mike burst out of the bathroom in a frenzy. He ran right past me with his arms flailing wildly. I followed him into the living room as I watched him make these bizarre movements like swinging his legs and arms around in different directions. I thought he was having some sort of seizure or stroke.
“What’s going on!” I shouted.
Mike looked at me, then looked away, then continued flailing his arms in a very bizarre manner. He looked like he was struggling to speak, but eventually managed to get a few words out.
“Help!” He screamed in agony. “It hurts! Please!!”
He then began to stutter. He continued to try to shout for help, but it was like he wasn’t able to force the words out. His screams of pain and pleas for help quickly turned into a nonsensical bumbling. Just a “pu pu pu” noise that sounded like he was trying to speak but wasn’t able.
I started searching my bag for my phone to call an ambulance when I heard a familiar voice.
“Frank! Don’t call em,”
“Cthu.. octopus? Is that you?” I asked (mentally).
“Yeah,” it responded. “Hold on. I’m trying to get the hang of this thing.”
“The hang of what?! What the hell is happening?!”
“We did it, Frank! Just hold on.”
I watched in horror as Mike struggled and periodically forced out a plea for help. His torso started bending forward and backward frantically and the only words he was able to muster were help, hurts, please..
I tried talking to Mike but simultaneously I was trying to think out loud to the octopus.
“What’s happening!” I screamed again.
There wasn’t a response for another minute or so. The wailing and pleas for help from Mike started to slow down as well as the frantic movements of his limbs. Eventually, he fell to his knees and sat there motionless. He moved his gaze from the floor up to me making eye contact. His eyes were red and watery from tears but the look on his face was content. I asked again what the hell was happening before hearing the voice in my head.
“We did it!” the voice said.
“Did what?”
“Escaped!” Mike excitedly replied.
Mike started looking at his hands and clenching his fists and releasing slowly. He started touching different parts of his body and looking around in a very bizarre fashion. Then I heard the voice of the octopus again.
“I’m in here, Frank. I’m in Mike.”
“Can you please explain to me what I’m seeing?” I asked yet again.
Mike started moving his jaw around in a bizarre fashion like he had a mouth full of peanut butter. He cleared his throat and started to speak.
“It’s me,” he said.
“I don’t understand.”
“The octopus. Remember when I said that we were capable of things that humans weren’t aware of? This is one of them.”
“And what is this?”
“I’ve taken control of Mike’s body. He wasn’t using it for anything good. He’s a dangerous man. I’ll make much better use of his body than he did.”
“Is he dead?! What the..”
Mike and/or the octopus interrupted me, saying to calm down.
“I’ll explain everything, Frank. It’s gonna be okay.”
“This doesn’t look okay!” I yelled.
“Calm down,” the voice said. “Please, sit down. Let me explain.”
I shouted again. “I’m not gonna sit! Why do I need to sit? Sitting down doesn’t make bad news any less bad!”
“It’s me. It’s the octopus, Frank. I have taken control of Mike’s body. I’m free now.”
“What about Mike?” I asked as I tried to catch my breath.
“He’s still in there. He just doesn’t have control. I am in control of his body now. He will remain alive and aware, but he will be stuck in the vessel that I will now control.”
“That’s fucking horrible!” I yelled.
“I know,” he replied. “It’s almost like being stuck in a tank for years and never being allowed outside of it..”
I sat down. Maybe this was too much for a standing conversation. Mike was now speaking clearly, but I could simultaneously hear it in my head in the voice of the octopus.
“He kept me trapped as a decoration. Intelligent species need to be stimulated. You can’t imagine what that felt like, but Mike can now.. I told you we were capable of more than humans knew. Do you think our plan was to just convince people through telepathy? We are among you. It’s so nice to be out of the tank and into a nice new shell. He wouldn’t be my first choice, but he deserves it and there’s the convenience factor.”
“How did you even do this?” I asked in a panic.
“With a little help from my friend,” he replied with a shit eating grin on his face.
“What?”
“You’re going to love this,” he replied. “I’m pretty proud of myself. So, it started with the knife. I asked you to put it in a very specific position for a very specific reason. Same with the music. Although I really do prefer the bumpy music, it actually served a purpose. Having nothing to do all day but look around the clutter surrounding my tank, I got an idea. I wish you were here to see it work because it was just awesome!”
“To see what work?” I asked.
“My plan. The reason I kept asking you to adjust the speaker was because it needed to be in a very specific spot on the table. That’s also why I asked you to turn up the volume before you left. The bumpy music caused the table to shake lightly, but just enough to slowly move the knife that you had placed behind the tank. Eventually, the knife fell off the back of the table. This part was intense because it was the piece of my plan most likely to fail. But thank Poseidon that it actually worked! The knife landed on the cord of the self cleaning tank with just enough force to unplug it. I then waited for Mike to arrive home and squirted a jet of ink. When he realized something was wrong, he opened the tank for the first time since I’ve been in there. I then spoke telepathically to him for the very first time, causing him to look away from the tank and distracting him long enough for me to escape. Brace yourself because this is the gross part. I made my way to the bathroom and into the toilet bowl, knowing that Mike has a routine when he returns from work and it starts in the bathroom. I knew that even if I was missing, he would have to “sit down” before long. When he sat down, I made my move.”
I felt a little sick as I listened to this explanation. I tried to interrupt him but he continued explaining.
“I was able to quickly get up in there. It took me a little bit to get the hang of the controls, but I think I almost have it down. I’m very much more in control than he is and soon I will have total control of his body, AKA my new shell.”
“That is beyond disturbing,” I said.
“Oh come on! I’m like fuckin MacGyver!”
“I mean.. yeah, that’s crazy that it all worked. I am just a little more focused on you being inside his body and referring to it as a shell.”
“Frank, I am forever in your debt. I would’ve died in there if it wasn’t for you. As far as his unpleasant new circumstances, he did the same to me. He did a lot of bad things.”
“He wasn’t a cannibal though, was he?” I asked.
“No, but he is a total sexual predator. Why do you think he had roofies? I did fib about the cannibalism and murderer aspect, but it was necessary for the plan.”
“You lied to me.. Are you going to hurt me?” I asked fearfully.
“I did deceive you a little bit.. but I promise from the bottom of my hearts that I hate country music and the Applebees song more than I hate fishermen and living in captivity. I also promise that I would never hurt you. I do feel a bond with you. You saved me.. If my species takes over the planet before you’re gone, I will totally put in a good word for you.”
“Oh thanks, I appreciate that,” I said, unsure if I was actually being sarcastic or not. “The music and the games were all a part of your plan then?”
“No. I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. I’m sorry I can’t stay and give you a chance to win one single game of connect four, but I’ve gotta get out there and help my brothers and sisters. I wasn’t lying about the music either. I like it bumpy.”
“I don’t think I’m able to process this. If I’m losing my mind, will you just tell me.”
“Your mind is perfectly fine. You just happen to know something that very few human beings will ever know. Frank. I’ll never forget what you did for me. Hopefully our paths will cross again someday. I have a lot of lost time to catch up on though, and it’s time for me to fly.”
“Humans can’t fly,” I replied.
“Not with that attitude,” he said as he headed for the door.
It seemed like he had complete control over Mike’s body by this point. There were still a few pleas for help breaking through but they were happening less and less frequently.
He tossed a few random items into Mike’s work bag, tossed on his coat, and prepared to leave for good. It was strange. I was horrified by what I just saw, but felt worse about losing a friend.
“I hope you’ll stay in touch,” I said sincerely as I simultaneously realized how bizarre this all was.
“We’ll see each other again, Frank. Maybe then, you’ll be able to beat me at connect four.. maybe.”
He jokingly told me I could keep the sedatives as he got to the door. We looked at each other for a few silent moments before saying goodbye telepathically. He started walking out the door before I stopped him to ask him one last question.
“Your name!” I blurted. “You said you would tell me when you trusted me. What is it? It’s gotta be something weird right? Something like Glorp? Rampon? Condoleezza?”
He turned around, smiled, and said “Larry”.
“Oh come on!” I laughed.
“I swear to Poseidon.”
“Like you even believe in Poseidon,” I said.
“Okay, Aquaman,” he jokingly replied.
“Goodbye Larry.”
“Goodbye dipshit,” he said with a smirk and a wink now that he had complete control of Mike’s body.
After that, I just watched as he got into Mike’s car, figured out how to start it, took out a few mailboxes, then seemed to get the hang of it and headed on down the road.
Apologies if I did play a hand in the inevitable downfall of the human race at the tentacles of the octopus race. Who knows though. Maybe they will do a better job than we did..

Company Name	Title	City
Encompass Health	Physical Therapist	Central Falls
Encompass Health	Registered Nurse	Pascoag
Encompass Health	RN	Pascoag
Encompass Health	Physical Therapist Assistant	Pascoag
Encompass Health	RN	Providence
Potter League for Animals	Associate Veterinarian	Riverside
Encompass Health	Registered Nurse (RN)	Woonsocket
McLaughlin Research Corp.	Logistics Specialist	Newport
Rebuilders Automotive Supply	Lab Technician - Metallurgy	Coventry
BETA GROUP INC	Human Resources Manager	Lincoln
Dell	Senior Principal Software Engineer	North Kingstown
Peckham Industries	Staff Accountant (Req #: 498)	North Kingstown
Nurse	Medical Support Assistant	Providence
Nurse	Certified Nursing Assistant	Warwick
Riverhead Building Supply Corp.	Facility Attendant, Customer Service - Richmond	Wyoming
Sodexo	Grill Cook - Salve Regina University	Newport
Sodexo	Pasta Cook - Salve Regina University	Newport
D's Spot	Head cook	Pawtucket
Piezoni's Pizza Smithfield RI	Cook - Grill Cook	Providence
Sodexo	Providence College FT Cook Raymond Dining 21	Providence
American Airlines	Customer Service Agent Part Time- American Airlines	Providence
5-hour Energy	Sales and Merchandising Specialist	Providence
Reality Based Group	Secret Shopper- Earn on Average 6k a Month	Providence
Twelve Acres	, Cooks, Dishwashers, Setup	Smithfield
Applebee s Apple American Group	Host	Wakefield

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings , feel free to comment here if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Company Name	Title	City
Encompass Health	Physical Therapist	Central Falls
Encompass Health	Physiotherapy Assistant	Pascoag
Encompass Health	RN	Pascoag
Encompass Health	Registered Nurse	Pascoag
Encompass Health	Physical Therapist Assistant	Providence
Encompass Health	Registered Nurse	Providence
Potter League for Animals	Associate Veterinarian	Riverside
Encompass Health	Rehabilitation Nurse	Woonsocket
Encompass Health	RN - Rehabilitation	Woonsocket
Encompass Health	Respiratory Therapist Supervisor	Woonsocket
BETA GROUP INC	Human Resources Manager	Lincoln
Peckham Industries	Staff Accountant (Req #: 498)	North Kingstown
Nurse	Physician (Anesthesiologist)	Providence
Nurse	Physician (Psychiatrist - General / Geriatric)	Providence
Nurse	Certified Nursing Assistant	Warwick
Applebee s Apple American Group	Host	Carolina
Cranston diner	Breakfast Cook	Cranston
The Home Depot	Sales Associate	Middletown
The Home Depot	Guest Service Associate	Middletown
Applebee s Apple American Group	Cook	Narragansett
The Home Depot	Cashier	North Kingstown
D's Spot	Head cook	Pawtucket
IntelyCare	Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN) Jobs in Providence, RI	Providence
Reality Based Group	Secret Shopper- Between $30/hr-$75/hr	Providence
The Home Depot	Lot Associate	Smithfield

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings , feel free to comment here if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Company Name	Title	City
Winter Park Resort	Marketing Events Coordinator - Year Round	Denver
Marriott	FT Data Entry Clerk - Work From Home	Denver
D.A. Davidson Companies	Senior Administrative Assistant & Project Specialist	Denver
Epiq	Service Specialist	Denver
Hyatt	Pastry Jr. Sous Chef	Denver
DandB	Bar Back	Denver
Lumen Technologies, Inc	Network Technician	Denver
Stanley Black and Decker	Customer Service Representative	Denver
Disney	Chef de Cuisine	Denver
Rocky Mountaineer	(Rehire) Guest Services Manager (USA, Seasonal, Full-time)	Denver
Alstom Transportation	Warehouse Analyst/Buyer	Denver
Radon Solutions	FT Data Entry Clerk (Work From Home)	Denver
Iron Mountain	Warehouse Technician	Denver
Applebee's	Bartender	Denver
Denver ZOO	Concierge-Guest Experience Expert	Denver
Sage Hospitality Group, LLC	Banquet Server (Part Time/On Call)	Denver
CareerBuilder-US	Customer Service Representative / Call Centre Representative	Denver
Buffalo Wild Wings	Greeter	Denver
Public Consulting Group	Senior Eligibility Coordinator	Denver
Delaware North	Dishwasher Utility, Denver Airport	Denver

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Company Name	Title	City
Nurse	Physician (Psychiatrist) (Chief-Polytrauma/ Traumatic Brain Injury)	Augusta
Career Systems Development Corporation	Career Counselor	Bangor
Aroostook Mental Health Services, Inc	Warming Center Support Staff	Calais
AHN [email protected]	Hospice Admissions Registered Nurse	Cranberry Isles
Nurse	Cna	Freeport
Microwave Techniques	Clean Room Assembly	Gorham
Nurse	Certified Nursing Assistant	Lewiston
Divine Right Transportation	Healthcare Transport Driver	Portland
Medical Resource Group, Inc.	Nurse Practitioner and Physician Assistant - Presque Isle	Presque Isle
The Home Depot	Lot Associate	Auburn
The Home Depot	Cashier	Auburn
The Home Depot	Overnight Stocker	Auburn
Texas Roadhouse	Dishwasher	Augusta
UnitedHealth Group	HIM Associate - Ellsworth, ME	Bangor
UnitedHealth Group	Per Diem Patient Service Representative (Northern Light Mayo Hospital) - Dover Foxcroft, ME	Bangor
Premier Technologies	AT&T Sales Consultant	Belfast
The Home Depot	Lot Associate	Biddeford
Applebee s Apple American Group	Cook	Biddeford
The Home Depot	Stock Associate	Biddeford
The Home Depot	Store Associate	Biddeford
Lowe's	Cashier Part Time	Brewer
The Home Depot	Cashier	Ellsworth
UnitedHealth Group	HIM Associate - Ellsworth, ME	Ellsworth
Dish Network	Operations Supervisor	Gorham
Carmax	CDL A Delivery Truck Driver - Hiring Immediately	Old Orchard Beach

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Company Name	Title	City
Pappas Restaurants	Dishwasher	San Antonio
Margaritaville	Host	San Antonio
Signet Jewelers	Assistant Store Manager - Kay Jewelers - North Star Mall	San Antonio
IDI Distributors	Warehouse Lead	San Antonio
Sevita	Life Skills Instructor	San Antonio
Golden Corral Restaurants	Baker	San Antonio
Aston Carter	Operations Clerk 3	San Antonio
Brundage Management Company	Customer Service Loan Specialist - 124	San Antonio
K9 Caf Boutique and Spa, LLC	Grooming Salon Receptionist	San Antonio
Nesco Resource, LLC	Warehouse Coordinator - 1st Shift - San Antonio, TX	San Antonio
ESPO Corporation	Treasury Services Rep	San Antonio
Holt Cat	Field Service Supervisor	San Antonio
Bairesdev	Data Entry Clerk -- Make Your Own Schedule PT or FT -- 100% Work From Home	San Antonio
Costco	Forklift Operator	San Antonio
Applebee's	Busser	San Antonio
Csv-pioneer Texas, Llc	Resource Manager	San Antonio
Rollins	Customer Service Outbound Call Specialist (Remote) - Military Veterans	San Antonio
H-E-B Grocery Company, LP	San Antonio 38 Deli - Food Service Rep - Full Time	San Antonio
Southwest Research Institute	RESEARCH COMPUTER SCIENTIST - RESEARCH ENGINEER - AUTOMATION SYSTEMS ENGINEERING & LABVIEW DEVELOPER	San Antonio
CHRISTUS Health	Medical Assistant Certified - Pedi Neurosurgery	San Antonio

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Company Name	Title	City
Dell	Software Principal Engineer	Austin
Westmont Hospitality Group	Housekeeper	Austin
Excel Fitness	Member Service Representative	Austin
Broadpath	Member Service Representative - Work From Home	Austin
Lowe's	Lowe's - ReceiveStocker	Austin
Leif Johnson Ford	Automotive Sales Associate	Austin
SemperGROW	Administrative Assistant	Austin
AbbVie	Customer Experience Rep I	Austin
Bunkhouse Group	Parking Attendant/Bell-Person	Austin
Applebee's	Dishwasher	Austin
Caliber Collision Repair Services	Customer Service Consultant	Austin
Remington	Station Cook l - Embassy Suites Austin Arboretum	Austin
Coca-Cola Refreshments	Warehouse Worker 1 General Laborer - Coca-Cola	Austin
House Buyers of America	Purchasing Manager (Construction) - Remote	Austin
Ryman Hospitality Properties	Part Time - Hospitality Host - ACL Live	Austin
Senior Resource Group	Housekeeper -Maravilla at the Domain	Austin
National Seating & Mobility	Customer Service Representative	Austin
H2O Sonoma Soft Seltzer	Warehouse Manager (open)	Austin
Newk's Eatery	Front of House Hourly Partner	Austin
PT Solutions Physical Therapy	Physical Therapist - Eligible Orthopaedic Resident	Austin

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Company Name	Title	City
Fox Rehabilitation	Speech Language Pathologist / SLP - Brunswick, ME	Brunswick
Aroostook Mental Health Services, Inc	Information Technology Specialist	Calais
Nurse	Cna	Freeport
Nurse	Chief of Gastroenterology	Maine
Nurse	Cna	Milbridge
Avesta	Maintenance Technician	Portland
Everest Recovery Centers LLC	Nurse- Part-time Dispensing Nurse	Saco
Dick's Sporting Goods	Retail Sales Associate - Golf	Augusta
Crossmark	Retail Merchandiser	Augusta
UniFirst	Production Team Partner - Truck Unloader & Sorter - UniFirst	Bangor
Premier Technologies	AT&T Sales Consultant	Belfast
Maine Course Hospitality Group	Breakfast Attendant - Fairfield by Marriott	Brunswick
Premier Technologies	AT&T Sales Consultant	Falmouth
KeHE- Wakefield, MA - Retail Merchandiser	Retail Merchandiser - Start at $20/Hour - Excellent Benefits	Kittery
Tommy Hilfiger	Retail Store Manager	Kittery
Pssi	Food Safety Team Member General Labor (Night)	Portland
BayMark Health Services	Part Time Cook	Portland
Applebee s Apple American Group	Server	Portland
Maine Course Hospitality Group	AM Bistro Cook - Courtyard by Marriott	South Portland
Maine Course Hospitality Group	AM Bistro Attendant - Courtyard by Marriott	South Portland
Dick's Sporting Goods	Retail Sales Associate (All positions)	Topsham
Five County Credit Union	MembeCustomer Service Associate/Teller - Waterville, ME	Waterville
Premier Technologies	AT&T Sales Consultant	Westbrook
UnitedHealth Group	Pre-Service Representative - Westbrook, ME	Westbrook
Lowe's	FT-ReceiveStocker-Overnight	Windham

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Company Name	Title	City
SPECTRUM	Information Technology Auditor Manager	Denver
SPECTRUM	Immediate Openings Software Procurement Manager Denver	Denver
UCHealth University of Colorado Hospital	Executive Assistant, Budget and Treasury	Denver
Applebee's	Bartender	Denver
Renaissance Hotel - Denver	Reservations Supervisor	Denver
Jobot	Patient Care Coordinator- Hospice	Denver
Aritzia	Retail Stores - Style Advisor	Denver
Zaktos	Customer Service Representative	Denver
Graybar Electric Company	Customer Service Representative - Broadband Utility	Denver
Hilton Hotels	Starbucks Barista ( Part-Time) - Hilton Denver City Centre	Denver
Ace Hardware	Inventory Coordinator	Denver
PwC	OFRO CCoE Senior Manager Contract Specialist	Denver
Belmar Integrated Logistics	Warehouse Order Selector (10am until finish)	Denver
Propak	Skilled Warehouse Worker	Denver
L&W Supply	Warehouse Material Handler	Denver
Zimmer Biomet Holdings	Sales Admin Coordinator, Denver (738132)	Denver
Burlington Coat Factory Corporation	Retail Sales Associate	Denver
Manpower Group	Office Clerk - 18$ hrly - Full Time	Denver
Fluor	Senior Subcontract Administrator (TS/SCI w Poly Clearance Required)	Denver
Denver Metro Chamber of Commerce	Immediate Openings PresidentCEO – Longmont Economic Development Partnership Denver	Denver

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in denver. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

first of all, i wouldn't listen to them and i don't feel as though i have to, most especially back then. at the time this happened, they had no experience or practical knowledge of what they were even telling me to do.
how things were supposed to be, and that was all just something he pulled out of his ass, and it's only just how things should be done in order to most benefit him, mark, and mark alone. or, rather the people, those on the board, what they wanted
which was not in my best interests, but rather in their best interests. they were not acting in good faith as per what their job, duties, and responsibilities actually are. they have never acted in good faith.
a lot of times they would create issues to have with me which would somehow disqualify me to be the person i actually am. i was young and i was given impossible tasks, tasks that i wasn't meant to be able to do or succeed at show that they could show my failure
hoops to jump through that led to no where. and, none of them have ever put themselves though such things. just assigned themselves to a job they, again, were not even able to do to any sort of proficiency and cashed their check while putting the actual work of their position off on others.
and, more often than not, when they put the work off onto someone is was either me or hueser. hueser was a proper employee, however he did a lot of things that were beyond his job duties, responsibly, and/or pay grade that were technically their jobs.
without credit or proper compensation, prior to 97, that's when hueser was promoted to the job he was actually doing. based upon merit and sales figures. not that i was fucking him. that's just a bonus.
it was at that point that hueser's mother got a conservatorship over him. but he actually did .. some stuff. i guess. idk, i mean. if i had your cunt of a mom crawled up my ass all the fucking time, i'd probably try to kill myself, too. and, his drug issues. and, other stuff. so, she was taking all his money and a lot of times he'd have to get a job as a server to just .. you know, any any access to funds
or, sell drugs. his entire income was taken by his mom. kinda like my same exact situation, except he retained access and they wouldn't let me back in the building. well, actually they moved it and didn't tell me where they went.
all the while saying heather please come back, knowing i didn't even have the address. they hid it from me. so, idk. but, it's ok, we know you're busy, just work from home. that's why. just work from home heather. and, not get paid.
oh, but you are getting paid. it goes into the trust that we're in charge of and you'll get the money once you prove your worth to us. so, lose 60lbs and go to the tanning bed because that's what this job requires. well, it in no way fucking does.
that's just shit you made up. they also had a lot of issues with my skin tone. i'm very pale and they said i needed to get a tan, but i don't tan and i'm not going to spray paint myself orange for you, why would i even do that. i don't have to conform to your dumb ass beauty standards.
who the fuck do you even think you are to tell me that i have to do that for you
seriously, dude, get the fuck over yourself. oh, and also, well, the 2017 problem was with the hair and makeup i wore to work at the furniture store. it was "too looks like everyone else"
and, that's how it always is. it doesn't really matter what i do, it's not to the standards they've set for me and i don't agree that you should be in charge of setting any kinda standards at all. i mean, i view you as a bdsm child porn sex trafficking ring and i don't want to comply with what my own abuser and the abuser of others wish me to do
you're only just a bdsm child porn sex trafficking ring that used your connection to small town political corruption to legally put yourself in charge of me, and i ain't gotta respect that or listen to you. why even would i. why would i follow the directions my abusers give.
nah. i don't want to and also i feel as though you've violated my civil rights.
i know you're fucking stupid, so i'll explain. first of all, my first amendment rights. which are:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
i feel like that the gag orders imposed by the court's violated my first amendment right to free speech and also, i feel as though i was unduly subjected to your religious beliefs.
the constitution clearly states, first, that laws do NOT have to respect an religious establishment. it was so important they said it first. first of all, fuck religion - that's what the founding fathers said.
and, i give not a single fuck that you can't understand that. the founding fathers absolutely did intend for the state and the church to be separate and you've no right to impose your religion upon me.
oh, who are these people. well, producers of ... things. only, they don't actually produce anything, they steal the works of others and then make others work them into something else and then take all the credit and money for the work themselves. that's who they are. and, some of them. they don't even do that much, only just slap their name on it and cash the check.
anyway, that's a lot to carry around day to day and try to work, so i just disassociated until i had time to emotionally deal with it. but, i didn't have the space, or proper support, or means to do that. so, i had to work it out on my own as best i could
and, it's not like they didn't have the access to both means and the proper resources. it's not like that could not be made available to me. however, when they did offer help i was hesitant to take it as it always comes with extremely intrusive conditions.
terms and conditions for me to get help that were written in such a way that i didn't want to take them and i did not have the means for a legal consultation. nor, did i ever have an appriorpate amount of time to consider the deal. there have been times they've shown up with legal documents and fully expected me to sign them on the spot without even reading them
and, if i asked to read the legal documents i was presented with they'd just take them away. then, we're not going to do this for you if you won't cooperate, and what they wanted me to cooperate with was signing legal documents without ever having the opportunity to even read them.
no sane person would do that. obviously, i didn't sign anything, but it didn't matter. they either just signed it themselves and had a notary they knew mark it good.
that's who she is. she's their notary. she does personally know me. of course, and fully knew that i wasn't present when she notarized those forms. her medication is very expensive and she's not really fit for work health wise but can't afford to live any other way than the no work jobs they give her. you know, for doing that.
for notarizing those documents without me present or knowing. but, i do know. that's just those papers i refused to sign. skanka. she's the one who does the signing. she left that note on my door telling me to stop this, or something to that effect
i know because her handwriting looks so much like mine. but, a super neater version of my handwriting. that little guy snitch ass lives with is also a forger. they have forgers on staff.
i didn't sign none of that. do i seem like someone who would
i did sign some documents "fuck you" however, that is not my given legal name. and, some other ones were signed with "under duress"
i literally signed the papers, on the signature line with the words "under duress" and that was considered to be legal by the courts
and, that's a little bit of my problem. i said i need $25M ADVANCE ON SETTLEMENT, and time alone to collect myself. i have some medical issues that need attended to, you may find that information in the lawsuit concerning your judicial neglect.
sue 'em. it's the american way
i'm very patriotic, but not to the government, just to the constitution. as it is written. and, i believe it is the government's job to uphold the consecution as it is written and this is my regress
i shall be in a secluded cabin in the woods attending to my affairs and it's not your business beyond that. nah, man, it's way too late.
three days grace is the law, you have to allow someone at the very least three days to review a contract. that's the law. not zero seconds just sign it, heather
i signed it "just kill me then" when they held a gun to my head. do it. i don't care. this ain't no life. fuck you, kill me. just fucking kill me. i'm coming back as wraith. for the next 100 generations i will haunt you
that's how you make me feel
at one point i was legitimately accused of whichcraft. my lawyer said not a word. nodded his head and looked on, by that point i was sitting on the other side. so, i was not permitted adequate representation. and, one of their claims was witchcraft, that i was a witch and then they brought in witnesses to that effect.
it's not my fault you came in your pants. i'll hereby be representing myself, that's what i said when my lawyer wouldn't speak on my behalf. so, you know. that.
i was permitted one person for emotional support, he was none to pleased. about that. but, he broke up with me. we were broken up. like, when you broke up with me and i don't even see how you, you of all people, have any ... you know. come on. how about you
what have you been doing. and, it's not like i had sex with them. they all just came in their pants. so, steven's kink is edging. so, so much of that. edging. and, then he will come really super quick, but his dicks so big, that's probably for the best.
and, that's not the only kind of sex he has. that's just the way he likes to cum best. but, in all reality, that's all guys. like, the longer you hold it off, the better it is. for men.
i did have a lot of fun that summer, however it was not christian approved of fun
mark didn't care for it much either. my summer of freedom. i was just doing whatever i wanted to do. i mean, they fired me and told me not come by anymore, my services weren't needed. it was after i had that fit and broke everything.
mark and hueser are cousins and they set me up to have a bad emotional reaction to a situation that, you know. anyone would have lost their fucking mind after what you did. i mean, i got real, and got a nosebleed and broke some stuff. yelled a lot. there was a lot of yelling and name calling, by me. i did that. but, you know. i learned that from my papaw's
like, when i was a little kid, my parents were still married, and, my mom grew up essentially as an only child and let wild to do whatever she wanted. kinda like my childhood. everyone had to work and so there wasn't no one to watch us so we just watched ourselves.
but, up until toddler age you can't do that. or, a little past that. let kids play outside alone. like, they have to be old enough for that. so, when i was a toddler my father's grandfathers were still alive and it was his job to drive them to meetings and my mom had to get a job at the shirt factory
cause, you know. just cause you're married with children doesn't mean you're an adult. so, they took me to work and mostly they just went to meetings and talked to people.
or, rather gave them a talking to
that's who taught me to talk. them. so, you know. my first language was cussing.
oh, if you think that's bad, there's a fully nude photo of my ass with cane marks on it posted on fetlife. right now, i ain't taking it down. what. that's a un violation.
that's just a joke, that was consensual and after much discussion.
the memes are right, i ain't my job to be embarrassed by me, that's my parents job.
my maternal grandmother was my legal guardian and she refused to attend the proceedings. she said, i ain't coming, they can throw me in jail. and, they didn't care that she wasn't there. didn't matter.
clearly the whole thing was just a sham anyway. it's what they planned out, all of them were in on it. told me i was lucky they didn't stick me in a cage next to the library.
oh, they're calling this a mid-life crisis. but, nah. i'm saying my whole life has been nothing but a crisis situation and the people who's job it was to ... well, you didn't perform the duties of appointment.
and, also that i should accept responsibility for my own bad choices. and, blamed race. their race, it's because they're white that i'm picking on them.
you know, the bdsm child porn marketing ring who stole my money said this to me.
and, i've been saying when i'm the asshole, i ain't, what. admitting that i did the thing, that's what taking responsibility means, like, i admit my parts. where i've failed, what i did wrong. all of that. i do do that. that's what this is, this is me taking responsibility for my actions and explaining why i did such things. the situation that i was in and the circumstances that lead me to do those things
i already told you it was a cry for help that no one answered.
might as well as asked god
most curious about the financials is that you don't even tip. i mean, it ain't even you're money. why ain't you tipping. like, you famously don't tip. wtf is that even about
well, narcissist personality disorder, i guess servers should be so lucky as to serve you.
is that why you don't tip.
i just ate and browed memes for two hours. i just think it's funny how you can commit major crimes at work using work resources and then have the company fire you only to immediately rehire you as a consultant. like, sign both papers at the same time kinda quick.
this one says you're fired and this one rehires you as something else. funny.
frozen burritos and three day old spanish rice from applebee's. the guests here all get calls and have to be connected to the room via me. what they like to do is call and let it ring in the room six times and then ring back to me, and then they ask me to ring it back, like as a code to answer the phone.
but, i don't answer ring backs. i guess it sucks for them that that won't work.
mark used to call my house like that. let it ring twice and then hang up the phone and then call back fifteen seconds later. that way i would know it was him, idk. to make sure my mom doesn't answer the phone. and, if she did he'd just hang up. but, not always because our voices sound similar. mine, and her's and snitch ass. we all sound the same on the phone.
it happened so much that he hung up on her that she called the phone company and made a customer complaint to find out the number and they put a tracer on the phone. it was just mark, calling to make sure that i was home. and, then one other time he called my phone continuously for weeks on end and wouldn't get off the line, but if you answered it he would hang up
my mom thought it was the ex wife of that guy she was seeing doing all that. nah, it was just mark. he'd hang up if you answered. he just wanted to make sure i was home, so i started staying out all the time and not coming home
if he won't believe my words, let him see my actions.
yeah, that was when i was young, i didn't believe in curfews. yeah, my mom would tell me, but i didn't feel like listening to her. i mean .. have you met my mom. would you listen to her. ok, i will admit that i didn't let my kids do that, but they respected me and listend
and, if not i'd just pick their ass up and stuff them in the car. this generation isn't like that. i was out, way out. sometimes states away. and, i'd just come home when i felt like it. but, i had to go to school
without missing a certain number of days, so, i took a lot of time off from that, too. highschool. didn't want to go. had better things to do.
marauding in escapism
anyway, around the same time the ex got catfished, right before that, he got in an argument with someone while out trolling the internet. and, idk who he trolled, it was on a ms forum. like, he was on those kinda sites. all the time. at work. since, there's not really a lot to do at this job, just when you have to do something
lots of free time on my hands, so, you know. this is how i'm spending my time. gotta be more productive than getting catfished on fetlife and looking up tranwomen hookers on craigslist.
that's how he found out about our downstairs neighbor. but, i already knew. her clients had the habit of parking in my spot or blocking me in, which is why i was mad. it happened all the time. i had to go down the stairs and knock on her door and give her john a dirty look while he hustled his ass up the stairs to move his car.
or, if they were in my spot when i got home i'd block them in and they'd have to come knock on doors as i don't respond to bmw's honking at me. i'd watch out my window, their frustration of being blocked in.
how appalled they got. like, how dare you block in my audi with this clunker. always luxury cars. i thought she should charge more. but, that wasn't the problem. it was the lack of health care. like, doing that to pay for it. but, the parking in my spot irritated me and i was always real super petty about it, except when i used it as an excuse to call out of work
cause you know, if you're already having a morning or whatever. you know, getting up and getting ready and doing all the shit to go to the place you most dread, yeah, a car blocking you in can set you off and make you not be able to work
i have mental health issues and i can't come to work today, and you had to known i was crazy when you hired me, so this is excused. goodbye. nope. non negotiable, and if you make me come in anyway i'm going to be the very worst version of me you've ever fucking seen
can not today
and, that hasn't happened a lot lately, but it used to happen a lot, but tbf - i hated my job. my attendance is real bad when i hate my job. late all the time. don't care to call out. not a great employee when i hate the job. i knew i would hate it when i took but i was so desperate for money
cried on the way on my first day of work
no one there knew who i was, which was a nice change. like, you know. i worked with the notary. at different jobs. you know. and, i worked with my sister. i worked with, you know. people who knew who i was. or, some small they thought they knew. or, whatever
so, that was the first time in a long time that i'd been around people who didn't know me. but, not the kind of know me that i like to be around. like, in every place i've been since 97 there have been coworkers somehow benefited from having known me.
like, every single place i went i was only just around someone who was using me.
and, it's in their best interest that this continue. they've been committing a crime for a very long time. the same crime over and over and over for some organization, to keep heather. yes, heather. the goofy one. yes. or ,that real cunty fucking bitch, oh, yes. her. oh, with the real big ... yep.
yeah, her. gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip. but, none of them have all the parts, they only just know what they're doing and they can't tell that, that's the crime part. don't go around telling on yourself or what you do. and, if you see her or have to see her, don't let on that you know
eh, enough of that, i'm going to start a new post and bitch about religion and stay some really outrageous stuff.

I’m not talking about a Michelin starred restaurant or any place the even resembles fine dining. I’m talking about fast food and fast-casual establishments.
Labor accounts for something around of a restaurant’s costs. If a robot can make or serve the food to me, I honestly couldn’t care less that it replaced a human’s job.
Will we ever get to 100% replacement of all staff ? Probably not in a traditional sit down dine-in establishment but a drive thru ? A ghost restaurant that specializes in delivery ?
A fast-casual restaurant isn’t fine dining. In a fine-dining environment it’s expected that every interaction with the customer will be relatively unique, suggesting wine-pairings, describing each dish, etc.
In a fast-casual environment you’re mainly just taking orders and serving food, every once in a while you’ll have a customer ask you specifics about how spicy this dish is or something but it’s not happening nearly as often as in fine-dining.
A restaurant where you order via a QR code at the table that directs you to a webpage to place/pay for your order will cut down on front of house staff by half at a minimum.
A restaurant that uses robotic servers (yes this IS a thing) might cut down on another 25% or so.
There are already robots that can replace specialized jobs in back of house and there are obviously going to be developments across the kitchen functions.
Most people tend to forget that in a fast-casual dining establishment, especially those that belong to a chain, a lot of the back of house staff have ALREADY been replaced as a lot of the meals are prep’d offsite in an industrialized manner and back of house staff on site are just doing final assembly/reheating.
If I’m going to the Cheesecake Factory or Applebees … I really don’t give a shit about “interacting” with my waitewaitress or hearing about the specials for the 50th goddamn time if I’m there every Thursday evening….I just want my popcorn shrimp or burger or whatever.
Hell, make it an OPTION when you walk in the door whether you want “self + robot service” or “human service” and make the price reflective of that…. Like fk … I’d take the robot service simply to not have to pay 15% on top of my bill just for a human to bring me my food.
We literally make this same choice every day for almost everything else we consume and we almost ALWAYS prefer the mass produced/ robot made/ injection molded option. We pay more for a hand engraved “something” than one that’s done by machine. We pay more for hand made “artisan” shit compared to mass produced “whatever”. Yeah … sometimes I want a hand made piece of furniture … but MOST of the time I just need some goddamn chairs, it’s just somewhere to put my ass, I don’t need something that has 200hours of work by a master carpenter alright ? I just want a BIC pen that’s cheap and easily replaceable and not some 200 dollar Montblanc fountain pen that was assembled by hand by some expert pen maker.
…
Most of the time I just want a fucking burrito or pizza, I don’t give a shit if it was assembled by a robot or a person. And unless I’m at hooters, I really don’t give a shit how it’s delivered to me.

like your expenditures and your income don't match up, you're in the negative, real bad. cause you trying to keep up that same lifestyle that you had when you was out spending up my money
ahhh, sucks to be you
wonder how long until it starts to show. just not paying bills ain't gonna work, you still gotta pay the bills, even if you're broke. that's free advice from a fellow brokie.
you're a pleb now. better stop buying shit you can't afford.
and, that's pretty much everything. and, sure, yeah. you can get your accountant on it, but he gonna be the first to quit if you don't pay your bills. mine's still working btw. going over those line anomalies and see who really need a pay check and who don't
i ain't pay for your no-show jobs. i don't pay that. and, it would seem that half the people on the payroll don't have a job at all. nothing. i don't think i wanna put up with that. i'd rather just fire them and not pay out the unemployment. i mean, i don't owe you nothing. you done collected plenty.
in fact. idk. you know. lawyers are going over it, and i can't help if they see that as a crime and have to report, you know. court officials are mandated reporters, so they're obligated to report crimes as they see them. you know. nothing i can do about that.
but, again. i don't owe you no loyalty. i don't owe loyalty to people who used the courts and cops to bind me up. so, you know. that's that. i feel kinda stupid about it, you know. like, following those kinda rules when dealing with you, i ain't gotta follow those kinda rules from people who ain't
oh, side chicks all don't work there and get paid. well, hate that for ya ladies. time to get a real job. elsewhere. not with me. i mean, domino's most probably hiring, doordash. uber eats. there's lot of ways for you to make money.
when i was working for domino's, i actually did pretty ok. like 200 a night in tips and also my regular paycheck. it was just minimum wage, but i worked 70 or 80 or 90 hours a week, it wasn't bad, wore the fuck out of my car though.
and, you know. y'all assholes. so, like, i was saving up my cash tips at home. just putting 'em in a drawer at home. stacking up bennys. you know. and, when i got to fifteen, guess what happened. so, get this. i'd worked until like, idk 2:30/3am washing dishes and mopping and taking down the make line. after the store closed. you know. doing all that shit.
this bitch start blowing up my fucking phone at seven god damn am in the fucking morning wanting 15hundred dollars. like, first mother fucking thing in the morning, like, after i done worked til 3 mother fucking am, she starts in at me at 7am wanting my tips so she can join a mlm
i 'bout lost my fucking mind. first of all, it ain't for you to be counting my fucking money that i make. oh, i flat fucking lost it. we're cousins. get the fuck out of here and get yourself a fucking j-o-b
i ain't owe you shit, kin or mother fucking not. i don't owe you a damn thing. nothing.
i owe you nothing. and, that's what the fuck you're going to get, in case you were wondering.
i did used to be nice, but you took advantage. and, now i ain't nothing for ya.
i mean, fucking seriously. do you ever take a single moment of any fucking day and think about what the fuck you've done. no. too busy still trying to do it. right. yeah.
the reason the accounts are all frozen is because of the criminal investigation. like, you know. that's why. i really do appreciate that greedy little stank ass hooker, i mean, without you selling nudes of me online without my consent, none of this would be possible
i guess you could have just sold your own, but my titties are nicer. that's all they are. just me in my undies without a bra on. while i was getting ready for work. i mean, the courts have said that people have the expectation of privacy when they're inside their own home and in changing areas while in public.
but, you couldn't respect that. so, here the fuck we are.
it's only just the same pic over and over, you know. since i knew you were selling them, i made them as boring as possible. it's not like i had a choice in the matter, when that happens you just gotta, you know. be as non-complaint as you can given the confines. so, all the photos she could sell are the exact same.
but, hope you bought yourself something nice. but, most probably the money got spent on something stupid and temporary. fingernails most likely. i've worked with a lot of women like that, you know. come in showing off their nails and then like five minutes later, i ain't no money for food
well, dumbass, why'd you spend $60 on nails. oh, they needed to be filled. well, so. that's a recurring expense. but, you have to. cause you've ruined your real nails with that bullshit. also, i find that to be kinda gross. like, all that gunk you got up under there.
you're gross. like, you should see shanka eat with those things. she's so nasty. and, she only just eats chicken fingers and lots and lots of sauce. ranch and bbq, mixed together. she'll get like knuckle deep in those sauces and cram all that in her mouth and chew with her mouth open and drip that shit all down her jowls.
real fucking nasty. #posh
that's what she likes to tag her selfies. lol. i do not think that word means what you think it means.
then, after she's done, she like fellatiates her fingernails of the sauce and crumbs. it's something to behold. really. at work, in front of fucking everyone, and she's the manager. she started doing it in her office after, well, i have a hard time with facial expressions and keeping them to myself.
that's when she started eating in her office. y'all welcome. you don't have to watch that display no more. now she's ashamed to eat in front of others, but with manners like that she outta be. really
she's not autistic. she's really good at reading facial expressions. like that time she drug me to atl and we were at the burger king she wouldn't eat at. like, i'm normally pretty smiliey. that's what that guy used to call me. smiliey
i have a resting cheery face. it's because everything's so fucking funny to me. but, then, you know. like, some moments in life go in slow motion. and, that was one of them. i was walking back from the counter with our ice cream. who wouldn't be smiling, just got ice cream
and, then i saw her and felt the smile slide off my face, and i know she saw it. cause her expression changed so drastically. like, she was offended that i stopped smiling the moment i saw her. but, you know. those my feelings.
went from smiling to complete fucking annoyance. i know she saw it cause her facial expression changed, too. but, i can't help that she annoys me to no fucking end. she's an awful person to be around. i mean, really fucking awful, even if i don't recognize her and she's had plastic surgery and i didn't know her from hs. like, i didn't know who she was cause of the plastic surgery
on her face, and she changed her hair and told a lie about who she was and pretended to be someone else to try to be my friend, you know. without all the baggage from when she bullied me in jr high and hs. well, i still didn't fucking like her.
mark says she's really super sweet when you get to know her, but i don't believe him. i can't stand her
i really like how inflation is lining up with your brokeness. i mean, i just paid $11 damn dollars for a box of fucking tampons. that sucks, but since i know you ain't got no money no more, it's ok. not really. that's too damn much for a box of tampons. jesus, wtf, that's the special girl tax
cause it costs more to be a girl. you know. just the cost of feminine care items, like, you gotta budget that shit in. societal expectations that you use certain products on your face before you leave the house. that shit cost a lot. i used to not leave the house without makeup. like, would not.
but, i ain't like that no more. there ain't wrong with my face i gotta smear it with a bunch of shit that clogs my pores and dries out my eyes. i ain't gotta do that. my skins a lot better without it.
i gotta stop with the doordash, it's expensive. but, it's the same as when i get pizza. like, the same cost so, it's not ok, heather. stop. you gotta stop. it's ok. part of it's tomorrow's lunch. you know, to save money. i got chili's. skanaka's fav i guess. just an app and a salad. but, i gotta stop.
but, to be honest. like, with inflation, it ain't even cheaper to go to the store or fast food. i want to let them know, i mean, fast casuals are the same price as fucking wendy's now. it sucks, inflation really super sucks right now. the salads from fast casuals are only like one dollar more than wendy's and they're a lot bigger and better.
you know, and i tried at the grocery store, but salad costs a lot down there, too. i mean, after you buy all the shit, same fucking price as chili's. i wish taco bell would bring back their taco salads. i loved those. and, i fully realize that's not really a "salad" but, it's got lettuce and topping and sauce i like, so it's a salad.
it's always an app and a salad, that's the cheapest way to go. and, those salads are fine tomorrow. so, it's two days worth of food. so, that's how i justify the expense of it. still cheaper than fingernails.
those fast casuals are a safe bet, i got some chinese from down here, and it wasn't that great at all. not even the eggrolls.
oh, she spent the money on tattoos. that's good. now every time you look at yourself you get reminded of me. lol. dumbass. you really are a fucking dumbass. you seriously put permanent pictures on your body to remind you of me. well, they didn't used to be, but after you said that ...
it's what i do. psychological damage. lol
you can just not read this. change the channel if your feelings get hurt. or, be like flordia and ban books on sharing. you don't want children to get the wrong kinda ideas. that sharing is good. wouldn't be christian like to share. right. i mean, that's the message you're sending, right. sharing is bad according to good christians in florida.
like, i can't say nothing. tennessee banned a lot of books, too. i'm real embarrassed over it. that they would, you know. ban books. shameful, really. maybe i'll make a youtube and start reading them aloud. the banned books. i have a copy of 1984 somewhere around.
i mean, if the government's banning it, you most definitely want to know what it says. like, what does the government not want you to read, you should most certainly been reading that. 1984 is a good book. it's about misinformation. how the government spreads misinformation. and, also surveilles everyone to make sure they're, you know, not spreading real information
or, questioning authority. mostly they don't want their authority questioned. and, then they make sure that certain people don't hang out, you know, those on the line can't hang out with one another or date cause then they might get together and corrupt one another.
people who are following the party line, but haven't accepted it in their hearts. you know, how i used to do at church when i was a kid. like, studying it so you can just tear it apart later, that's all you're doing here. also, i like the food. a lot of those church ladies like to bring their homemade goodies to church and i like that, i'm just here for the cookies.
well, i'm going to stop doordashing food to save money, any day now. but, o'charley's is way better than chili's. not even as good as applebee's and i think everyone's heard my opinion on applebee's. i mean, it's ok. but, you know. on par with wendy's. really. i guess in that regard it makes sense that wendy's is just about the same price.
clili's has the lowest price point of all the fast casuals. there's three tiers and chili's is the least expensive. and, it's just ok. i'd rather go to o'charley's. i've never been to wingstop. steven's really pushing that. says it's great.
i don't really like to eat bone in wings in public. or, at work. it's messy. or, ribs. i don't like to eat ribs in public. cause, you know. it's real messy. also, if they ain't cooked right i'm mad as hell about it. like, how dare you serve ribs that don't just come off the bone. i am kind of a picky eater. i like for the food to be good.
you know. last week when i was being responsible with money, i went to the grocery store and it was over a hundred dollars and all i got was bologna sandwiches. i mean, i'm just one person and like, last year i could feed just me for like, idk 50-75 a week, that's just now how it is anymore. and, that's eating real food and not bologna fucking sandwiches. pb&j. i never get tired of those.
i guess if i want to save money, that's all there is. pb&j. during the lockdown peanut butter went way the fuck up, but it's back down to normalish prices ... for now. like, i need peanut butter and i'm afraid to go to the store. i get real fucking sticker shock at the grocery store now.
it's gotten ridiculous. so, ridiculous that it's somehow cheaper for me to doordash fast casuals than to go to the grocery store. eleven dollars for a box of tampons. i mean, holy fucking shit. that's outrageous. and, that's a necessary item for me. have to have it. can't live without them.
eleven fucking dollars.
FOR TAMPONS. WHAT THE FUCK. i'm not going to be able to afford my damn period if that shit keep up. oh, yeah. once a month, whether you want it or not. and, considering the alternative, i'm fine. i'd rather just have my period. how many times i've sat on the toilet relived at a little smear of blood.
just like, oh, thank god. didn't catch me. shewwwwww.
that fucking hueser tried to get me pregnant right before he went into prison. wtf, dude. why you try to do that to me. i'd just had an abortion. but, still. see, heather. he ain't no good
and, that's another thing. why the good christian people trying to bring more poor people into the world. i mean, that's all a ban on abortion does. make more poor people. they must need us for some reason. oh, yeah. to work ourselves to death. that's what they need us for.
so, you know. in 20s years crime will be through the fucking roof again. violent crime. muggings and robbery. they're probably going to have to beef up the police force to fight that. good thing they're getting started on cop city for specialized training. for all those unwanted children they be making people have. urban warfare. that's what they're going to be training for.
keep down revolt. cause we mother fucking need it. revolt. it's well past time for revolt.
it is 1984, and that's what the police did in the book. oppress. oppress the people from wanting more than their allotment of chocolate. it was 50 grams last month, but the news says it was only just 25 and it's always been just 25, so i guess it's just 25. right. you don't really remember ever getting 50 grams of chocolate. that didn't happen. no. not last month
that's where we headed and that's what they're going for. that's why they don't want you reading that book. 1984. that's what it's about. and, both sides working together on that, you know. pretending like they fighting over it
the reds taking away your personal rights. and, the blues coming after guns. see. they're working together against you. making it look like they're on your personal side, what you believe in, but they're just working for themselves. together. the government is against you, don't matter what side
i mean, they let this shit go on. the government did. judges and cops and representatives of the court.
is that not the government.

Some cultural context for the unaware: Tipping is a huge part of the culture in the United States. Tipping a server after your meal at a restaurant has always been the norm (in our lifetimes). Lately, people have noticed that point of sale systems prompt a tip after the transaction for pickup orders, as well as other situations that they felt did not warrant a tip just a few years ago. This has caused many to question the very idea of tipping culture. This phenomenon is not directly discussed in this drama, but the sentiment runs deep. Common theme: people are tired of tipping culture.

Some people just don't get it, and some people just do.

To the man who picked up his friends’ checks totaling $250 and handed me a $20 bill saying “the paper is all yours,” that’s not even 10% you’re what’s wrong with society.
To the two ladies who took up a 4 top booth for the entirety of my 7 hour shift, then tipped me $200 on $120, sincerely, thank you. You get it.

A seemingly tame post in a subreddit dedicated to servers telling tales about work. Short, sweet, and straight to the point. Top comment even points out that spending 7 hours at a restaurant as a guest is a bit odd.
Incoming debate about tipping culture, the third most upvoted comment on this post:

I think what’s wrong with society is that you aren’t paid a fair wage. I always tip %20 but I absolutely loathe tipping culture. You should go to work knowing you’ll make enough to support yourself. Not hope that you’re getting a generous customer to throw you extra money

We appreciate people like you. But the living wage thing goes way past the tipping culture. It's systemically a problem across the board. There's a reason why it's the only industry that has overly qualified people with degrees, happy to clean up people's messes. I've worked with people who have degrees anywhere from English majors to broadcast majors all the way up to engineering majors. They all make more money on tips. Either that or there aren't any jobs in their field. It's kinda crazy. The living wage would have to go up drastically if I were to ever consider going into another field.

Another response to that initial comment:

okay but you don’t understand that we get taxed, we have tip out, etc. if you don’t tip, or don’t tip enough, then i’m literally paying to wait on you.

And literally none of the is the customer’s fault. Blame the system not the customer

Gave some real i aint reading all that. I'm happy for u tho. or sorry that happened vibes on that. Moving on to another comment

Ive worked at multiple restaurants and the restaurant has never paid me more than 3 dollars and hour. We rely on tips, bigger bills usually means more work.

"we rely on tips" but there's no push to change the system because relying on tips ends up making a lot of servers bank way above what people in other jobs make.
You personally very well might. And this isn't a reason to not tip, don't get me wrong.
But the collectiv whining about needing tips to pay your bills while at the same time people in the same situation will advise you to switch jobs if you don't make more working part time than the median income of full time employees in the us is silly.

Someone asks a "genuine question" and they get some genuine responses back.

Why is it the cost of the bill that determines what a waiter should be tipped?

as servers we have to tip out hosts,kitchen staff and bartenders. they all get a % of our sales, so if your bill is $250 i owe 10% of that to them. so i would have to pay $25 to serve you

So their tip is guaranteed but yours isn't?
Why would you agree to such an arrangement?

Go to a cheap diner and pay $15 per person and note the quality of the food and service.
Then go to a $50/plate restaurant and see if you can tell the difference.
The reason you pay a percentage of the food price is to provide for everything that is different between Denny's and Spago.

The reason you pay a percentage of the food price $50/plate is to provide for everything that is different between Denny's and Spago.
FTFY

Spoken by someone who has never tipped correctly in their life. And had never had to wait on a table. Very ignorant

“Tipped correctly”. Lol. This is why people are annoyed with tipping and servers. Servers whine about their tips but don’t want to work for an hourly wage unless it’s some ridiculous number

One redditor is absolutely tired of all the comments about tipping culture, on a post about tipping culture:

why can’t people in this industry post anything in this INDUSTRY SPECIFIC sub without at least ten people being like “hUrR dUrR TIp CulTurE sUCks”.
so tip your $0 and literally shut the fuck up. our bills are still gonna get paid. we complain about tips the way any other industry complains about workload, or toxic management, or shitty customers, or micromanaging. it’s just an annoying part of the job that we’re allowed to be annoyed by. god forbid anyone express that in a sub for SERVERS.
and there’s always people talking about “iN oTHeR cOuNtRies” yeah and in other countries servers make a literal fraction of what servers in the US do. but enjoy your 15 pounds an hour, and rude ass walmart greeter quality service, and mind your business. let people be happy about good days and irritated about bad days.

People had some objections to that one

The lack of self awareness is insane. We're supposed to say nothing to you complaining about "only" getting 10% in tips cause you "need to pay your bills" while at the very same time you're aware that the shitty tipping culture that hurts customers and hurts some of your colleagues benefits you and some of your colleagues.
The entitlement is fucking insane.
If you're in a position of bragging about how much you make you don't get to also complain about individual people not tipping you as much as you would like them to.

Get off the server subreddit then you dunce.
Probably one of those people with degrees that make less money than servers in a good restaurant lol

Im literally working as a server / bartender right now you absolute fuckwit

Where on earth did you eat outside the US where the servers were categorically worse than here???

Someone felt it was important to point out just how much $20 is really worth.

The guy giving you $20 bucks is giving you about 3 hours of minimum wage. I don't know why that is to be sneered at.
Why is it the customer who is supposed to pay the worker and not the employer, can you ELI5 me on that?

3 hours of minimum wage.
You. You are what's wrong with the world.

Would you really be okay with paying more instead of tipping? One redditor ponders, and another answers.

So for all the people who argue that tipping is optional and restaurants should simply pay more: are you okay with raising prices 20-25% across the board if it means no need to tip?

Yes I'm all for raising prices 20% and then not tipping

And another

Most countries in the world don't have a tipping culture, they survived.

One redditor is tired of the non-US redditors in a subreddit about a job that is needed all over the world.

Lol feels like this Subreddit is full of a bunch of non-US citizens who have never worked in a restaurant yet want to chime in on “how it is and how it should be” coupled with some baby boomers who are walking dinosaurs with their opinions.
Those of y’all talking about “a server shouldn’t expect a tip”, what is actually wrong with y’all? Bunch of clowns.

ITT: Redditor discovers that most of the world is non-US :p

Pretty contentious comment section for a post with so few words. One redditor had such strong opinions on the matter that they commented 14 times on it. They believed that people who view their tip in relation to the minimum wage as "what is wrong with the world" (linked above). According to them, leaving a bad tip is equivalent to punching someone in the face. People who think the onus of paying employees is on the employer are shitty people. They're positive that that thread is full of boomers. Everyone should be forced to work in a restaurant at some point to address the lack of empathy and common sense among restaurant-goers. No one in that thread has ever waited a table. It is simply not possible that the people disagreeing have not worked a very common job that can be found in literally any city or town that has a restaurant - this had to be expressed in at least three more comments.
So to sum it up... we're not done. Someone needed to vent about this recent phenomenon!

I’m getting really sick of people who have never worked in the industry or America comment on our tipping culture

I’ve been biting my tongue for years, but I’m finally sick of it. The amount of people advocating for people in our industry, by saying that we should be paid a livable wage by our employers instead of being subsidized by the guests just don’t know what they are talking about. I work at a high end restaurant that averages around $100/cover. Currently that equates to around $55-$60 per hour. Does anyone actually think that a restaurant would actually pay wages similar to that if the cost was built in? If anything, tipping is the closet we get to actually taking care of our working class
Edit: if people actually gave a fuck about the restaurant industry employees they would be advocating for the back of house to make a similar wage to what servers make after tips. Anyone who is saying anything else has never step food in a restaurant while wearing a employee uniform

Top comment:

"Livable wage" is a pretty nebulous term, but many advocates of eliminating the tip credit, which allows tipped workers to be paid $2.13 an hour under federal law, aren't against allowing customers to tip. Higher wages don't mean no tips; in states where tip credits have been eliminated, tipping is still quite strong.

Not much drama in this specific comment thread, but many of the other top comments reflect a similar sentiment.

I feel as if you are missing a huge point. It has been $2.13 an hour for 23 years. It should at minimum $5.12 plus tips.

That $2 figure is the national minimum which is not what any state actually pays. In the conservative hell of Florida for example, the minimum wage for tipped staff is 6.98
Edit: I was wrong and it seems around 25% of states still have their minimum wages at the federal level

Another commenter paraphrases the post, and OP disagrees with their framing.

The system works for you so screw everyone else. Got it.
I get a livable wage plus tips tho.

No, the system works for people who are good at their jobs.

This is the exact argument used by anyone from high-end knowledge workers up through billionaires to support the status quo.
You're literally using "Fuck you, I Got mine" arguments.

The slapfight goes on for a few more comments.
One redditor questions the amount of money servers make on average.

You’re telling me, a server at Outback or Olive Garden is earning $60 an hour? The system works for you and a small percentage of your friends.
It’s not working for everyone. And it doesn’t negate the argument that guests shouldn’t be paying you instead of your boss.

You are correct on that, but why do you think places like Olive Garden, Applebee’s, and Chili’s struggle for competent staff?
And assuming you do go out to eat, why do you go to the places you decide to go? People that are good at their job move up and work at places where they make the money they are worth.

Ooooof. Stop right there.
Those places struggle because no one is advocating for their fair wages or work environment, so those staff leave
Any person in the work force DESERVES a decent and fair wage, to be paid out by their EMPLOYER.
Where do I go out to eat? Not fancy restaurants for one. The food isn’t as good as a good old greasy spoon (which btw, is why guests eat out. Not because of your “stellar” services).
How about you show some respect and camaraderie with your fellow hospitality workers, because this “I got mine” attitude is exactly what’s holding the rest back.
Tragic.

As someone who works in the industry, I always frequent places with great food and service. It doesn’t matter what you budget is, I can recommend somewhere you can eat. This comment just screams I worked in the industry for 6 months so I’m an expert

One redditor is a bit confused, but still has the spirit.

Idk why OP is arguing against eliminating the tipped minimum wage. We can get rid of the tipped minimum wage and still continue to receive tips. I’m in Southern California, servers get more than $16/hour minimum wage and still average 16-22% in tips. You don’t have to get rid of tipping culture to raise the minimum wage for servers/bartenders. Don’t know why you would argue against your own interests

Because that is not what they are saying. They are saying to abolish tipping and pay servers a "living wage" of 15 to $20 an hour. I hear this all the time. You want to get rid of the tipped minimum, no server is going to argue against that. You can pay me minimum wage plus tips, that's fine. I'll even share with the back of the house in that instance.
The people we argue against are the ones that want to get rid of tipping. Full stop.

One redditor brings up how it's different in England.

People in England earn £55-60 a day as a wage. You are a fucking moron. You are the reason why people don’t tip or tip well. Does anyone ‘care’ about wait staff? Ermm no? You bring food to and from the kitchen. Why should I tip you unless you’ve been exceptional at that?

Well you clearly you’ve never worked in the industry since you think serving is just food running. So unless you can show any prove to those wages I’m going to call bull shit on that

The proof is that Britain doesn't use the tip system lmao

One redditor makes an analogy, and OP questions the accuracy of the analogy.

I'm sick of people who have never worked in healthcare talk about the problems with healthcare in this country.

Shitty analogy. Health care complaints are about consumer experiences, while this post is about the production side. Completely opposite sides of a business

Oh weird, I didn't know that the tipping complaints weren't about consumer experiences. They must have been about their experiences with their relatives. My bad you're 100% correct in your callout.

So you’re saying you are upset about having to tip? Gotcha

Those were some of my favorites from these threads. Some pretty minor drama on some major disagreements. Wherever you fall on this side of the debate, there is one thing you need to keep in mind: don't piss on the popcorn.
Edit: I fucked up the title. I meant to ask if that was the best place to discuss these topics. Big oof.

I work at an Applebee's in a very busy location. I've almost been there for a year now and it's my first serving job. Saturday's are by far the worst days ever(Of course). You get constantly double-sat, (Hosts are idiots and other times managers demand them to sit anyone if there's an open table. They don't care what quality of service we can give.) Cups and utensils barely get cleaned thanks to forgetful/lazy bussers, so we're scrambling to find plastic utensils and to-go cups (Both of which we're not allowed to give out but do anyways under the managers' noses when we have to).
​
This Saturday in particular started off with a bang. My first table of the day is a 5 top. A dude, his girlfriend, and 3 kids definitely all below 10. He first starts off by telling me he used to work there and is wondering if he can get a discount. I go to ask my manager. For this case let's call her Joy. I tell Joy his name and immediately she responds with "HELL no! He ain't getting shit!" I'm guessing she wasn't a huge fan of him when he was there.
​
I go back and tell him we can only give discounts to former employees and he's okay with this. Everything is going smoothly, we strike up conversation.
​
The man orders Bone-in Buffalo wings, then when I pass by 3 minutes later, he changes his mind to flaming hot cheetos wings instead. I already sent the buffalo wings in so I go in the kitchen to let the kitchen manager know of the change and he says alright.
​
When the family is finished eating they request their bill which I give them. The Bill is $117 and he gives me $128 and tells me to keep the change. As I pass back around, he tells me I charged him for the buffalo wings that he cancelled which I apologize for and immediately go to fix it. I return with his money back AND the corrected bill (Total is $101) so that he can adjust how much he wants to tip me because I doubted his intentions were to tip me $27.
​
He gets up without a word after I gave him the new bill and the money, and walks for the door. I'm thinking "okay maybe he left it on the table and I didn't see?" So I stick around the area and the girlfriend is still there with one of the kids, so I'm thinking she's going to pay the bill. Then SHE gets up and starts walking for the door and I ask her "Is he going to pay the bill?" she replies with "I think he going to pay up front" and I tell her that it doesn't work like that here and that she has to pay with me. By the time I finished she had a phone to her ear (likely pretending to be on a call so she can ignore me and walk out).
I get to the front where they both are and ask them if they're going to pay and they still ignore me. THANKFULLY my manager Joy was there. She's tall and has a no bullshit attitude she's known to chase customers down LOL! She looked at me with a smile of anticipation on her face and says "Do you need me?" and I said "Yeah they didn't pay their bill". And she instantly springs up and confronts them outside.
​
I explain to her in-front of them that I gave him the money with the corrected bill back and he walked out ignoring me and he said "Well isn't that kind of stupid? I told you take whatever you charge me. (He did not) Nah I don't think I'm going to pay.." And tells his kids to hurry up and go to the car. The lady continues playing dumb.
​
My manager Joy, and one of the hostesses ran inside to get her car keys and prepared to chase them down. After that happens it's silent for a while, work resumes as normal. About 20 minutes later she comes back inside YELLING claiming she punched the man AND the woman in the face and that they called the cops and that I may need to give a statement. The kitchen and other staff are shocked at what's happening and are looking at me like "Oh that's YOUR table???". The cops came in and thankfully didn't question me. The dude got arrested for skipping out on a bill he was already going to pay. Idiot.
​
tl;dr I made a mistake on a customer's bill, gave it back to him with the money he gave me initially and he tries to walk out on the bill. Eventually gets chased down by my battle-hungry manager and gets his and his girlfriends asses beat infront of their kids and the dude gets arrested.
​
Also not much of a story here but one of the hosts slapped a server in the face.(Both women, and I have no clue why it happened) They both got sent home. The server caught her outside and hit her really hard in the back of the head with her shoe. (I don't know what happened after, but one of them may get fired)