Weather 15 days

i need to change my roblox username because it is genuinely so cringe. i joined when 'uwu owo x3' humor arose back in 2020 and i made my username as a joke. i completely forgot it costed 1k robux to change it. i made it my main and everything, then comes the day where i regret my decisions and am now made fun of for it. just got the money to change it and im thinking of making it 'glittr4brainz' (a classic username i use for everything) or 'specitaz' (suggested by my friend, short for specimen taz). not willing to waste 15 dollars worth of robux, so any other suggestions?

Hi everyone.
So 3 years ago, I got tooth #16 and #15 extracted on my upper right jaw, due to a badly infection. Followed by my first molar extracted on my lower left jaw in the same year. And mostly recently, my pre molar on the left jaw for the same reason. Altogether, I'm missing 4 of my adult teeth and I'm considering dental implants. I've been researching about this procedure since May and just want to know the starting process.
I also don't have the best set of teeth and have neglected by teeth for 3 years. It's only now, that I'm wanting a change and don't want to lose any more teeth. I've started to brush 2x a day, as well as floss and use mouthwash. I'm also interested in teeth whitening and composite bonding or braces. I'm also aware all these procedures will cost a lot of money but between now and the end of the year, I hope to have more than £1,000+ saved aside. I also want all of these procedures to be done this year. But don't know where to start. I'm from the U.K., and want to get them done here, I'm also 24.
I'm not entitled to free dental care on the NHS and therefore, will have to go private and pay for it myself. I've been looking at some dentists and some offer dental financing and others offer the cost upfront. Realistically, dental financing will work best for me.
But my first enquiry is how this process will work for me? Do I go to a private dentist and ask for a consultation ? And would a private dentist carry this procedure? Or would I need to go to a different type of dentist? If anyone has any good recommendations of dentists who do great implants hit me up!!
I also want to know if anyone around my age got dental implants and how their experience was. Any info on this matter would be insightful

Seriously, if the idea was to try to save face and make the API changes more relatable, that didn't happen at all. Spez answered like 14 questions, very poorly, and some oozing with snark. The other admins that answered questions at least seemed to give a shit that they were there.
I'm hoping the momentum of subs going dark and staying dark indefinitely until there's some actual compromise catches on after this. They can weather a two day protest but IDK if they can weather large subreddits staying down for long without enough bad press that hurts their IPO.

I am writing 150,000 words per month per customer, have seen increased traffic by 200+% in 15 days and 40 articles out of a 100 article package, domain authority increase by 13 points on SEMRUSH and 5.6k organic traffic.
I charge $1000 per month. A friend who runs an SEO agency called me, asked about my strategy and decided I’m not a writer, I am a strategist… but I write too.
Am I undercharging? I make $60 an hour after my prompt engineering for each campaign etc.

**I posted this yesterday but only got one response and this is a big decision for me
TW: blackmail, s*icide
When I was about 15 I was preyed on by my best friends (let’s call her F), then boyfriend.
All 4 of us (me, F, her bf and her bfs friend) would always hangout inside and hookup outside of school; so I always considered him a friend and never looked at him in a romantic way. One day after school he asked to come over and use the computer (I didn’t mind because as I said we hang out and he’s been over before with her. He came over logged into his socials and then turned on porn (which I thought was weird) after a bit he ended up pressuring me into sex. I really didn’t want to but I ended up giving in after the constant nagging, this act then became blackmail fuel for him, unbeknownst to me at the time. *PSA, I believe they had JUST broken up, I can’t remember the timeline. I called up my other best friend, J and told her what happened. (I didn’t truly see the weight of the situation after it happened because like I said I was a teen and just started having sex a few months prior to this (bfs friend).
Fast forward a few months, F and her bf are broken up indefinitely and J somehow started having sex with her now ex-bf, which caused a HUGE blowout (F ended up finding out). So now I’m looked at as the friend who did it too but wasn’t caught (by J) and the patron saint of friends (by F), and that always ate at me. Both of our relationships with J were strained and I hated it. So now, ex-bf is asking me for sexual favors and if I deny he begins to threaten to ruin mine and my F’s friendship, so I do what he asks. Until one day he asks for this insane favor, I tell him no and he threatens but this time I tell him I’ll tell F myself. I tell her and she implies s*icide so I tell her it was a lie. Do you know the extreme pressure I was under as a 15 year old?
These favors went on for months until it finally ended after we moved on to the next grade. Time goes on but this weight is still heavy in the back of my mind: his threats and the potential for threats from J. F and I end up making a new friend, N who we take with us into adulthood.
We are now in our early/mid 20s and I’m still plagued by this, so much that I’m having nightmares. I confide in N and tell her about this entire situation. (stupid me right!!) Now, N is kind of a strange person but we’ve loved her nevertheless. With this, when N and I have not so good times she brings up this situation. She’s subtly done it around F and has randomly brought it up in passing as if it’s just casual conversation.
Now that brings me to you guys, I’m debating on just telling F, after 10+ years I can’t take it anymore. I’ve had different people hold this over me and I can’t do it. Should I just tell F and risk our almost lifelong friendship or leave it until N gets upset and eventually blurts it out?

Source: The La Vista Church of Christ website.
There are days I don't feel like working. There are days when I'm around people that I don't want to be. I'd rather not smile. I'd rather be alone and not be bothered.
Moods are peculiar things. Like the weather, they're hard to predict. They are affected by so many variables -- health, work, appetite, family, friendships, traffic, temperature, or evening news. Depending upon the mixture of these different conditions and which one is allowed to dominate our thinking, we are found to be in a mood that is good or bad, gloomy or bubbly, somber or cheerful, happy or sad, angry or lethargic, or somewhere in between.
Unlike the weather, moods can be controlled. We are not at the mercy of the present climate in which we find ourselves in a new mood or succumb to our present one. Ultimately it's our choice.
Your feelings spring from your decisions. The Lord has so constructed the heart of man that the will is given the governance. The emotions certainly prod the will. They fuel your decisions but the will is in the driver's seat. The course of your feelings can be changed by turning your attention to other matters, steering clear of known hazards, or doggedly driving ahead through the inclemency even when you don't feel like it.
The fact that your feelings are guided by the will can be demonstrated.
First, experience. Who has not engaged in some endeavor when he didn't feel like it and found that his mood was changed? Perhaps it was a job, or ball game, or vacation, or an unpleasant dinner guest. Such a change of emotion certainly doesn't happen in cases where you boast of your bad mood throughout the enterprise. But when you dive into the project with forced enthusiasm, soon manufactured zeal turns into genuine ardor.
Some will argue that the experience of "falling in love" violates the premise that feelings follow choices. Does it? The fact is that from childhood we store up a mental list of personality traits by which we define "attractive." Some of those choices are conscious. Having a parent who's a drinker causes one person to adopt an intolerance toward a prospective mate with the same inclination. Other traits -- maybe eye color -- are less deliberate, even optional. One day we meet the personification of this mental list that we've been compiling, and we "fall in love." It may even be dubbed "love at first sight." That one whom we have only imagined is now a reality.
Secondly, the Bible affirms that feelings are the product of choices. When Jesus spoke of the superiority of heavenly stores to earthly treasures, He said, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:21). A man's heart or affection lies with his treasure. He feels strongly about those concerns in which he has invested his time. energy, or resources. A woman's feelings about the condition of the home are justified on the basis of the energy she has expended in making it clean and comfortable for the family. A man's pride in ensuring the family's security through his employment is based on his personal investment in labor. It is no accident that the woman carries a baby for nine months. It would seem that the Lord planned such an investment on the part of womankind so that natural affection or "bonding" results. Feelings follow choices. Where the treasure is, there the heart is.
Now make this information practical. Folks excuse behavior on the basis of their moods. They do or don't because they're "in the mood" or "not in the mood." That kind of justification is even used to defend immorality or to dismiss duty.
Consider a few applications. Hungering for righteousness is an acquired appetite. You will feel about Bible study how you choose to feel. lf you invest no time and energy in the exploration of the word of God, you will not be excited by the enterprise. You set the mood for your worship. Paul said, "Let a man examine himself" (I Corinthians 11: 28). If you make no preparation for the assembling of the saints, such will be a bore to you. Your feelings for your spouse will follow your choices. When you stop doing the little things that accompanied your courtship, is it a wonder that feelings wane? If we make no investment in a relationship, the relationship stops growing and becomes vulnerable to failure or intrusions from an outside party.
"Set your affections on things above, and not on things of this earth" (Colossians 3:2). That commandment implies the possibility of mood control, of regulating our spiritual climate. We must be managers of our affections and not let our affections manage us.

At work.
Felt overwhelmed, brain wanting to bluescreen.
Locked myself in the bathroom, trying to keep a panic attack from getting worse. Did not have another hour and a half left of the workday in me.
Sitting, pacing, crying. Repeat. After 20 minutes I came out, grabbed makeup, went back in to apply the makeup.
Small office, 4 of us girls. One bathroom.
No one noticed.
Needless to say, feeling quite invisible.
15 minutes left in the work day.
I'm so tired.

First and foremost sorry if my questions are dumb but I am a complete newbie to the cruise scene….
Me (37m) and my girlfriend (26F) decided to do a cruise I booked this for us and after reading tons of threads I have more questions on what to expect than answers.

1. Tipping, if I buy the gratuity upfront 16/day pp does that mean I’m not expected to tip for anything on the ship? (Waiters,baggage handlers etc)
   
2. We’re both a bit of parties so we got the cheers package but 15 beers a day may not be enough we go hard when we drink l, am I still allowed to buy booze after we go through are 15
   
3. What should we expect with excursions? Do we need to find transport to these or is that provided
   
4. What happens when we dock do we just freely explore where we are or do we go somewhere specific with other people from the cruise
   
5. I paid for our trip outright does this include the port fees or do I pay a fee every time I get on the ship?
   

6 anything you think 2 first timers should know, any advice tips, travel hacks, personal recommendations etc
Thank you all so much for the help we’re both so excited 😆

​
93 entries so far, and they're letting us get even more very soon
Link: https://na.finalfantasyxvi.com/trials-of-fate/

It’s so funny seeing me try to set schedules and then never opening them up again.

Staying in United States on a B1/B2 for 5.5 months and then going back to home country ( basically 15 days before my I-94 expires) . How early can I come to US on a B1/B2 again ??? Will this be a red flag that I have used the entire 6 months of stay ?

[Question:] The UNO, America, Britain, in fact the entire western media accuse the Taliban of violating the rights of women; of banning them from jobs, of ordering them to observe 'Purdah'. The Taliban are also accused of depriving women of their right to education.
[Answer:] The basic question here is what are the rights of women and who will determine them.
If the women's rights have been determined and fixed by Allah Ta`ala, if these rights have been given to the women by Allah Ta`ala Himself, then what the Taliban are doing seems perfectly right. The rights granted by then are fully in accordance with the orders of Allah Ta`ala. On the other hand if women have been given their rights by the West, if the right to determine what these rights are lies with America, Europe, Britain, the United Nations then admittedly the Taliban are in the wrong.
Now we are Muslims. The Taliban are Muslims. The people of Afghanistan are Muslims. All of us firmly believe that neither do we acknowledge the rights given to women by the West, nor are we bound by them. People who agree to these rights are welcome to respect them. But people who do not acknowledge the western-bestowed rights at all, to force them into obeying them, to complain against their attitude, to accuse them of not giving these rights to their women, seems to be entirely absurd and stupid. Either that or it would be coercion, oppression in its basest form. It would be denial of their freedom denial of their religious rights. And this is in itself against the principles of the West.
An explanation of the sum and substance of all these allegations is that Islam has put all the responsibility of a woman's upkeep upon the man. If a man is not capable of paying a woman's 'Mahr', (dower), of bearing her expenses then his marriage is not valid. The course of his married life comes to an end. If the husband dies, the women has a right to remarry so that the new husband may bear her expenses, or she can go back to her parents who are responsible for her livelihood. Along with it Islam has made a woman heir of her parent's wealth, as well as heir to the estate of her husband. She is the heir to her children's property too. This has been done so to make ample provisions for a woman. Contrary to this the men in the West have made women an object of their lust and desires. They have used them how soever they pleased. When these slaves-of their-desires had to go to work, to offices and factories they dragged the women along with them too. Women were made to work in offices, restaurants, shops and factories for the gratification of their desires. In this way did the western man destroy the personality, position and identity of a woman.
In Thailand, Holland, Bangkok etc. women so unashamedly, with such pride solicit made attention in markets, in open public places, like men in Pakistan and Afghanistan sell their wares sitting by the roadside. Then the ignominy of it all is that at night these women ask each other how much they have "earned" during the day or night. The poor, wretched western house-wife is not sure whether her husband will return home to her or spend the night in another woman's arms.
The women in the West are labouring under a double burden. One, she is torn by anxiety as to who will look after her in case she remains unmarried, for her culture has deprived her of her right of a share in the property and wealth of her parents, nor is anyone else willing to take on her responsibility. She is thus forced to wander from door to door in search of security. Even in the matter of dress she is exploited. Men wear trousers which cover their ankles too while the women are forced to wear skirts with their legs bare in every kind of weather. In the scantiest of dresses-merely a sleeveless blouse and mini-skirt the western woman can be seen roaming in shops, air-ports, stations etc. She is an target for unscrupulous men who satisfy their lust with them, wherever, whenever, howsoever they please. She has become no less than a b[*]tch, chased by a dozen dogs in heat. If these are the rights of the western women then the West is welcome to them.
What about the eastern or rather the Muslim woman? A Muslim woman is the queen of her house, a princess of the society. Her role is that of a mother, sister, daughter, grandmother and aunt. A man with the sweat of his brow fulfils her needs of food and shelter. He fiercely protects her honour, dignity and chastity. A Muslim man firmly believes that a husband and wife's relation is a one to one relationship. One who interferes in it does so at the risk of his life, for he would be challenging the man's honour.
I ask the western people, specially the UN why, when their women enjoy all kinds of rights, every kind of freedom, do they stop them from going about in the nude in shopping places etc.? Why have they made it necessary for them to cover the upper and lower parts of their bodies with at least two pieces of cloth, as human dignity and civilization demand? This means that the West, the UN admit to code of at least one percent decency for men and women. Now if a nation, as a nation, as a Muslim nation believes in ninety-nine percent decency and honour of women then what right does the West have to criticize it? After all it admits to one percent decency too.
In the end I would like to make an entreaty to Europe too. I would like to ask the Europeans why they are bent upon making other people suffer from that which is the cause of their own suffering? The thing which has destroyed them why are they forcing it upon other people? Your Parliament passes a bill which makes it legal for a man to marry another man, for a son-in-law to marry his wife's mother, i.e. his mother-in-law. Why do you compel us to do the same?
As far as the question is concerned that the women in Kabul have been banned from jobs with no one to look after them, so how will they survive, the answer is that the Taliban have made provisions for them. They have told all women who were working in offices etc. to stay at home and they will receive their entire salary there. There is no need for them to work any longer. Their salaries will be continued. Now if in-spite of this someone creates an uproar that women's rights are being violated, he is actually trying to spread immorality. He is not concerned with the rights of women but wants to propagate prostitution in fact.
Then, who really are these working women and where have they come from? One must go and find out for, Afghani women do work in their own homes but not in offices. And another thing, an Afghani woman may belong to any area, Purdah is inherent in her nature. Purdah is a vital part of Afghan culture; it is its national identity. Now the woman who are demanding freedom from Purdah, right to employment, the women for whose rights the UNO is making such demand, they do not in fact belong to Afghanistan at all but have come from somewhere else. They belong to Tajikistan, Russia and Iran. They have some to Afghanistan with the specific purpose of destroying its environment. Under a well-thought out plan they are working upon undermining the influence of Islamic values.
Then, who really are these working women and where have they come from? One must go and find out for, Afghani women do work in their own homes but not in offices. And another thing, an Afghani woman may belong to any area, Purdah is inherent in her nature. Purdah is a vital part of Afghan culture; it is its national identity. Now the woman who are demanding freedom from Purdah, right to employment, the women for whose rights the UNO is making such demand, they do not in fact belong to Afghanistan at all but have come from somewhere else. They belong to Tajikistan, Russia and Iran. They have some to Afghanistan with the specific purpose of destroying its environment. Under a well-thought out plan they are working upon undermining the influence of Islamic values.
Then among these women demanding rights of employment, are those too who are linked with the Communists in Afghanistan. They went to Moscow, learned all the vices there ad came back, bent upon destroying the Islamic environment of Afghanistan. They were officially appointed for this work. If this is not so, then where are the widows of the 1.6 million Shuhada who died in the Jihaad against Russia? Out of the 1.6 million there must still be at least 0.3 million, alive. What happened to these women? Who is looking after them? Why didn't the UN raise its voice for their rights? Weren't they human beings? Or didn't they need food to stay alive?
The fact is that these widows were Muslims and Muslim men are taking care of them. Either they were given in second marriages or their parents brothers or relatives are looking after in accordance with the laws of Sharee`ah. Their lives are safe and so is their honour.
The women who were living in Kabul mostly belonged to Communists, Mulhideen, and heretics, who enjoyed the patronage of the UN. The leaders sent their husbands to the front, into the mouth of death. They then called these beautiful women and appointed them as, sweepresses in their offices and satisfied their lust with them. The fault thus lies with the UN itself. The rights it gave these women were those of sweeping the offices of lecherous officials. Their responsibility now totally lies with the UN whose charter it is to protect the rights of women in this degraded, shameful fashion.
As far as education is concerned, Islam has given women the right to acquire education and we will certainly give them this right. At present the Taliban are busy in fighting a war, a war demanding all their energies and resources. As soon as they war comes to an end they will make proper arrangements for the education of women. But it must be kept in mind that the Muslim girl will be educated in an Islamic Madrasah from which she will emerge as an epitome of honour and decency, grace and dignity personified.
The UN does not have the right to prescribe a course of studies for our women. The western world is welcome to provide its brand of education to its own women which casts their modesty out of the window, which fosters sexual relationship between men and women; an education in which are taught the etiquettes of drinking and dancing, of merry-making; an education which causes young girls to attain puberty well before their age, which bestows upon them the status of unmarried mothers well before they have completed their college education.
The saddest fact is that those professing to be highly civilized have they never pondered upon the meaning of "civilization"?
The British Parliament passes a law according to which 'gays' could marry each other, i.e. a man was allowed to marry another man. Next, another law was passed which allowed a man to marry his mother-in-law. He has in his marriage the daughter and the mother both! Curses be on such animals, damned be such swines. Whatever did happen to their humanity, to their sense of shame?
Copulation with dogs has become common in England. It is a usual custom to make dogs heirs to a legacy. It is said that the Satan Pope John Paul II wedded a man to a frog. Such dirty evil people then criticize the experts, the true followers of Islam-the Taliban!
"Ashamed of yourself, you aren't!" as the saying in Urdu goes.
[Source]

Okay, been playing a few days, level 15 and on quest 6; starting to figure some of it out.
Is there a good guide somewhere to weapons for a sorceress. So, far, I've only bought a couple and put whatever I had in the sockets. Kind of random. But Akara has about 30 weapons alone, plus the other two vendors. How do you manage upgrades or new equipment? Or do you use whatever you find from killing monsters?
Are there ever more mercs? I let a few get killed and I didn't revive them. Should I upgrade their armor also?
​
Playing offline BTW.

I'm not going first. No exceptions
Since I have a very limited collection I will sell to whoever pays in advance first before the 30 day cooldown.
[W]: Bitcoin/Keys/OSRS GP
https://steamcommunity.com/id/poopbuttj add me to begin 30 day cooldown
Collectors Cache 2020 1&2

Set	Price(USD)	Stock
Lineage of the Stormlords Juggernaught	$15	2
Mindless Slaughter Pudge	$10	2
Ancient Inheritance Tiny	$15	1
Glory of the Elderflame Lina	$10	1
Horror from the Deep Tidehunter	$10	1
Evolution of the infinite Enigma	$5	1
Blacksail Cannonier Sniper	$5	1
Beholden of the Banished Ones Warlock	$5	2
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber Templar	$10	1
Signs of the Allfather Nature's Prophet	$10	2
Songs of Starfall Glen Enchantress	$5	2
Flashpoint Proselyte Huskar	$10	2
Origin of the Dark Oath Nightstalker	$10	1
Heartless Hunt Bounty Hunter	$5	0
Fissured Flight Jakiro	$5	2
Apocalypse Unbound Ancient Apparition	$5	2
Wrath of the Fallen Doom	$10	2
Silent Slayer Silencer	$10	1
Crown of Calaphas Shadow Demon	$10	1
Talons of Endless Storms Chaos Knight	$10	2
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade Rubick	$5	1
Fury of the Righteous Storm Disruptor	$5	2
The King of Thieves Keeper of the Light	$5	1
Clearcut Cavalier Timbersaw	$5	1
Beast of the Crimson Ring Bristleback	$5	1
Secrets of the Celestial Skywraith Mage	$5	1
Master of the Searing Path Ember Spirit	$15	0
Ravenous Abyss Underlord	$10	2
Blaze of Oblivion Phoenix	$5	2
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler Arc Warden	$15	0
Herald of the Ember Eye Grimstroke	$10	1

My Mom lives in a family townhouse we bought 20 years ago and my sister and I have been covering all expenses for my Mom and the house starting 15 years ago after my Mom got injured at work (also around the time my sister and I got jobs and moved out). She recently started getting early retirement money due to her injury, but it isn’t enough to support hethe house. Two years ago my wife and I had a baby and I asked my Mom if she could stay with us for a few weeks since she was at home. She refused citing Dr appts. Since this all started 15 years ago, her life revolves around Dr appts for various ailments, made up or not, I’m not sure. There are no other serious health concerns and she lives a relatively normal life for her age, if not an easy one. She also said she wasn’t comfortable because the baby was delicate, but would come more when the baby was older. She did come once a month for a few days after the newborn phase, but each time I was always the one reaching out to coordinate. Then she started saying the baby was too heavy and raised her back issues. She uses her back issues conveniently, but it doesn’t stop her much from living a normal life. I was as accommodating as possible when she would visit. I would do anything which required back effort. My daughter is in daycare 5 days a week, so we were not relying on my Mom for consistent childcare, only emergencies which were rare. I just wanted my Mom to be a part of my new family. She was never was proactive about coming up to visit. We didn’t travel to my Mom’s house much (an hour drive) because it is a lot of stuff to take with a baby, and also my wife worked every other weekend and we have only one car.
My Mom started to cancel her visits abruptly. When she would visit, there seemed to always be some issue. She started bumping heads with my wife. She would complain about my wife not being welcoming, or not doing much around the house, our place being too messy (which its not overly, but we have a toddler) My wife is a good wife/mother, but the last time my Mom was here my wife had recently had lost her job and was dealing with that anxiety. I tried to have convos about the issues with my mother for the past year to no avail, and I’ve always stressed that she communicate with me. She has had continued excuses from the baby being too delicate, to then the baby being too heavy and her back, to my wife/the cleanliness of our apt. I finally wrote her a email outlining how I was hurt, outlining situations that occurred, and said that I wanted her to be a party of my new family, but that it has to come from the heart, and it hasn’t felt that way. For her to communicate with me what the real issues are so we can resolve them. It was a long email. She said she was very hurt by the email and, felt attacked and needed time to recover and would go no contact. I responded that she was being selfish. We haven’t spoken since. My Dad and in-laws visit often without issue. IATA for not being more understanding/expecting proactive visits from my Mom?

CW: Birth Trauma, Medical Trauma, NICU Parent, PPD, and boundless joy
Hi all, FTM (35F) of a wonderful, perfect 3 month old baby girl.
This will be a long post but I wanted to write somethings down for my own processing and to simply share some of the things that we've gone through since LO arrived. My intention is not to scare or trigger anyone but rather share my story in the hopes that others might find some normalcy and support.
If you're anything like me I was scouring the internet prior to delivery. LO was ultimately delivered at 41w1d and I was HUGE. I'm 5'3" and I had gained over 50 lbs almost entirely in my belly. I was curb walking as much as possible and I did all of the things - eating dates, raspberry tea, exercises, stretches - anything to get baby to come on her own. I was having contractions for weeeeeks but nothing that ever escalated into true labor. I was exhausted despite my entire pregnancy being pretty textbook. There were no red flags at any point despite having done all of the standard tests and ultrasounds. Everything was pointing towards an easy delivery and healthy baby.
I was very done with pregnancy and, against my original plans (a theme), I decided to get induced. Went into the hospital on the evening of Feb 27 and had cervidil (sp??). It's supposedly more chill than pitocin. Things started happening around the morning of Feb 28. I was having real contractions and things were moving! The midwives were stoked that I responded so favorably without pitocin. Then things really started to ramp up. I was in triage waiting to be transferred to L&D (another theme) and was having really intense contractions. I finally (against what I had initially wanted) decided to take a narcotic. I needed a break and I was many hours away from full dilation plus I couldn't get an epidural until I was in L&D. Oof huge mistake. My contractions were just as intense as ever except during the in between I was having hallucinations. Luckily I had experienced drugs similar before so I knew what was going on but it worried my partner a lot (another theme). At this point I'm vomiting, my nurse is trying to get me transferred asap, my doula shows up and is trying to help me, and I'm wavering between screaming pain and having wild (and hilarious?) hallucinations.
Finally I'm cleared to transfer to L&D. Puke cup in hand, my nurse is running with me barely sitting in a wheelchair. I was so hot at that point that I remember it felt like a welcomed cool breeze. Partner is chasing behind us with far too many pieces of luggage in tow. We burst in the room and I was demanding to sit on the toilet but mostly was so blinded by pain I didn't really know what was going on or what I needed. Once again the doulas did their best to help me calm down and get through it. One of the nurses looked me dead in the eyes and was like "You can sit on that toilet but DO NOT push." I'm like 6 centimeters at this point and I couldn't believe the sensations pulsing through my body. I had wanted to wait for an epidural but I knew then that I needed it asap. I was able to miraculously sit still and felt the numbing cold take over. It was amazing. The next few hours were spent hanging out and getting to know the doulas. The nurse told me that my contractions were off the charts. Apparently they were lasting for two minutes and were shaped like a plateau instead of a gentle curve. My midwives were great and everyone was very encouraging and happy with my progress. I was almost fully dilated and we decided to burst my waters.
I was excited. There was A LOT of amniotic fluid. Unfortunately it was brown which indicated that baby had passed meconium which, given how over due I was, wasn't out of the ordinary. It also meant that NICU staff would be present for the delivery once the time came. I was finally ready to start pushing. Minutes turned into hours. My baby's head was through my cervix but she seemed stuck. 4 hours went by with no progress so we made the difficult decision to have a C section. It would be another 2 hours before an OR would open up so I just had to wait. By this point the epidural was wearing off and I was having break through contractions but I couldn't do anything with them because we knew the baby wasn't coming any other way.
This is where things really go south so stop reading if you need to <3.
Once I'm finally in the OR it's like 4AM. I'm strapped and straddled on the operating table and I can't stop shaking. It was terrifying. My partner is there with me but all I remember is fear. I also remember double checking with my nurse that NICU staff was in the room. The surgeons then test to see that I've had enough anesthesia which I hadn't so they had to give me fentanyl so things could get a move on. Eventually I felt no pain, just the movement of the procedure. I was laying there waiting to hear my baby's cries and to finally have her on my chest. I felt a lot of movement in my abdomen and I remember asking "Is that the baby? Is she dancing?" and the anesthesiologist said "No they're delivering your placenta and performing a fundal massage to prevent hemorrhage." This is when I knew something was really wrong. Those are the things they do after the baby's been born but I didn't hear my baby nor did I see her. I begin asking what's going on, I ask my partner if he can see her. He can't. All he can see is a lot of movement from different doctors. They finally tell us that she needs to be admitted to the NICU. I ask to at least see her and she's wheeled by me in a bassinet already swaddled and en route. We found out much later (when we were ready to hear what happened) that when she was born she had aspirated a lot of meconium and wasn't breathing. Her APGAR score was a 3. She was immediately intubated and it took around 10 minutes to resuscitate her (miraculously she didn't suffer brain damage).
Afterwards we were taken into a recovery room. We had been awake for over 24 hours at this point and were exhausted, devastated, and confused. We didn't know what happened and were waiting for news while I had to endure more fundal massages. A NICU doctor came to my bedside to inform us that they suspected she has having seizures, was at high risk of a blood infection, and may have some kind of genetic issue. We were in hysterics. Just totally beside ourselves. The nurses that had been with us came to say goodbye with tears in their eyes. They knew we had been traumatized and I think they may have been too.
They told us they were waiting for a postpartum room near the NICU to open up so we were just waiting. At this point, my baby was still very abstract to me. I was much more concerned about my very exhausted partner who had witnessed all of the trauma that happened. And was still carrying all of our stupid bags that I had packed. I sent him to the NICU to go see the baby. She was on oxygen and in an incubator. Her face was swollen from being stuck in the birth canal for 6 hours. I got to see her a few hours later but I could only touch her cheek. As I was leaving she was being hooked up to an EEG to check for seizures. We finally, after many hours, were moved into our postpartum room where I insisted we both take a nap before returning to the NICU. By this point we had delivered the news to our friends and families and let people know to please not reach out. It's hard to communicate the complexity of feelings we had. It was so devastating yet he and I felt so bonded together. Nothing else mattered but the three of us.
I'm told the weather was beautiful that day. I hadn't even considered a world existed outside of us. I didn't remember an outside until days had gone by. He pushed me in my wheelchair to get some food one morning and I saw the sun. I didn't remember there was a sun or that other people were just going about their days.
While LO was in the NICU she had every test under the sun and all of them kept coming back favorably. She wasn't having seizures, her brain looked great, her heart looked great, etc. Except there was still a question of a possible genetic issue but no one knew for sure. Her eyes were bulging but it could have been because of birth trauma or she just sort of looked like that. It wasn't until she had her hearing test that something went wrong again. I found solace in knowing failed hearing tests are pretty common and we'd just have to wait to meet with an audiologist for confirmation. During our stay I became a breast pumping machine. It was the only thing I could do on my own to help. I was immobilized from the C section and I felt so very hopeless that pumping was the one thing that gave me some satisfaction. LO had a significant tongue tie so latching proved impossible. My partner bonded with the baby immediately - he did the bulk of her care while in the NICU. For me, however, it took time. It's hard to admit but if I'm being honest it took me a few weeks to really fall in love and bond with her. I think part of it was the delivery and because I wasn't physically able to do the bulk of her care in the NICU. Also, I was in a grieving period. I was grieving the labor experience I hoped for and I was grieving the child I thought I was going to have.
After 5 incredibly long yet miraculous days we were both discharged together. We had a long list of follow up appointments but we didn't care. We were going home and it was a beautiful day. We laugh/cried the whole way home.
Close friends and both of our parents were there when we arrived home with an overwhelming amount of food. We were grateful. But also, hearing the excitement from others was really difficult for a long time. It took awhile for us to appreciate being congratulated. It felt like a stab every time.
That first week we had a number of doctors appointments. When she went to get her tongue tie snipped, her ENT discovered that she didn't have ear canals. Her external ear was fully formed but her middle ear was a closed pit. There were a lot of tears that day. It was the first time something was decidedly "wrong" and it was the first time there was a strong hint towards a genetic issue.
I don't remember the sequence of events and diagnoses - it was an emotional whirlwind. We learned that she has two chromosomal deletions of which the symptoms and severity vary greatly and we won't know the full extent of her disabilities for years. She does have conductive hearing loss (though I generally say she's deaf because its true and its a little easier to explain) and will be receiving a bone anchored hearing aid (BAHA). We're also invested in learning ASL so that she will have access to both spoken and signed language. She has strabismus (lazy eye) and ptosis (droopy eye) as well as craniosynostosis. She will be undergoing intense skull surgery later this year. Despite all of this she is thriving.
During the early weeks of postpartum I was not well. My partner had no time off and my family, while good intentioned, didn't really know how to talk about or meaningfully support a special needs child. It became clear that I needed some medical intervention so I enrolled in intensive therapy and began taking SSRIs. It may have saved our lives. I was not well and I knew it. I was struggling to bond and I was so devastated by her health outlook on top of all the normal lack of sleep, breast pumping stress, and lack of familial support that I needed to actively make a change. I did and I'm glad for it. I'm in a much better place now!
The love and joy I feel towards my child is unbelievable. People say that children bring joy to your life and it's really true. I love her with my whole heart. I am and will probably always be saddened by some of the trials she will be forced to endure in this world - her life will not be easy. But I am so committed to being at her side every step of the way. I love her totally and completely. Its hard to explain in words the depth of love I have for her. She's not what we imagined but no child ever is. Prior to her being born we always said we'd love and support her no matter who she became and that remains the case.

New regular here, city carrier. Been a regular for close to 30 days and got an evaluation today and it was Unsatisfactory alllllll across the board. Boss thinks I’m too slow and expects me to finish in 8 everyday even with coverage. Most days i finish with maybe 15 or 30 minutes of overtime and they get so pissed with it. Like uhhh, I’m doing my best and taking all of my breaks?
She said i was still on probation because I became a regular so fast and was only a CCA for 8 months. She said that since I wasn’t a CCA for over an year, i was placed on probation? Is that true or is she just trying to play mind games?