Social mid-core group who clears savages and will be doing ultimates in the future. :) Relatively new static who gets along well. We focus when it is required in fights to either hear callouts or have silence, but we enjoy our own goofy moments during breaks and reclears! We're LGBTQ+ and Streamer friendly.
Currently roster is WAR, PLD/GNB, SCH/SGE, AST, DRG/RPR, DNC, SMN. Looking for Non-DRG/RPR Melee DPS with Savage Raid experience (please provide FF Logs).
Contact: axoketl#5972 on Discord or tehjohnrocker via Reddit DM if you want to know more! We are open to run trials with people. You can also apply via XIV Recruit.
Times: Thurs: 11:30 PM - 1:30 AM EST Fri/Sat: 10:30 PM - 1:30 AM EST
<3 Group Rules:

• When raid starts you are expected to unless otherwise stated: have the fight unlocked, be sufficiently repaired, have food & pots, and be studied for the fight.
• Every member will receive notes/feedback during raid on what went wrong or what we could all to do to improve. No member is exempt from this, and you are encouraged to speak up when you make a mistake, so we all know what went wrong.
• Speak up if you are confused or need extra help! If anything is amiss, the group will not be aware unless you say something
• No shaming for mistakes. We all make them. The important part is to personally work on them to grow and improve, so we can avoid getting stuck as much as possible.
• No toxicity or unnecessary drama. Personal things in your life that you want to share is okay, but no talking behind backs, calling names, parse shaming, etc.
• Arguments will happen, but when they arise, do your best to understand both perspectives and react calmly. Explain your point of view and understand that sometimes we will be incorrect in how we see things. That's okay! We just need to acknowledge and move on. If they are personal matters, they should be handled privately unless they effect the bigger picture, in that case please inform me.
• Please inform the group/me as soon as possible if you will not be able to attend, will be late, or if you expect you may be off your game. And of course, we are a friendly and chill group ❤️ It is not required to hang around outside of raid, but we are not aiming to make the best parses or the fasted kill times. If we decide as a group to pursue those things for our own goals, we can discuss that, otherwise the goal is to clear!
• Loot master will be used to divvy up gear between members. Until gear is decided upon, do not leave the instance until all gear has been handed out.

Source: The La Vista Church of Christ website.
There are days I don't feel like working. There are days when I'm around people that I don't want to be. I'd rather not smile. I'd rather be alone and not be bothered.
Moods are peculiar things. Like the weather, they're hard to predict. They are affected by so many variables -- health, work, appetite, family, friendships, traffic, temperature, or evening news. Depending upon the mixture of these different conditions and which one is allowed to dominate our thinking, we are found to be in a mood that is good or bad, gloomy or bubbly, somber or cheerful, happy or sad, angry or lethargic, or somewhere in between.
Unlike the weather, moods can be controlled. We are not at the mercy of the present climate in which we find ourselves in a new mood or succumb to our present one. Ultimately it's our choice.
Your feelings spring from your decisions. The Lord has so constructed the heart of man that the will is given the governance. The emotions certainly prod the will. They fuel your decisions but the will is in the driver's seat. The course of your feelings can be changed by turning your attention to other matters, steering clear of known hazards, or doggedly driving ahead through the inclemency even when you don't feel like it.
The fact that your feelings are guided by the will can be demonstrated.
First, experience. Who has not engaged in some endeavor when he didn't feel like it and found that his mood was changed? Perhaps it was a job, or ball game, or vacation, or an unpleasant dinner guest. Such a change of emotion certainly doesn't happen in cases where you boast of your bad mood throughout the enterprise. But when you dive into the project with forced enthusiasm, soon manufactured zeal turns into genuine ardor.
Some will argue that the experience of "falling in love" violates the premise that feelings follow choices. Does it? The fact is that from childhood we store up a mental list of personality traits by which we define "attractive." Some of those choices are conscious. Having a parent who's a drinker causes one person to adopt an intolerance toward a prospective mate with the same inclination. Other traits -- maybe eye color -- are less deliberate, even optional. One day we meet the personification of this mental list that we've been compiling, and we "fall in love." It may even be dubbed "love at first sight." That one whom we have only imagined is now a reality.
Secondly, the Bible affirms that feelings are the product of choices. When Jesus spoke of the superiority of heavenly stores to earthly treasures, He said, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:21). A man's heart or affection lies with his treasure. He feels strongly about those concerns in which he has invested his time. energy, or resources. A woman's feelings about the condition of the home are justified on the basis of the energy she has expended in making it clean and comfortable for the family. A man's pride in ensuring the family's security through his employment is based on his personal investment in labor. It is no accident that the woman carries a baby for nine months. It would seem that the Lord planned such an investment on the part of womankind so that natural affection or "bonding" results. Feelings follow choices. Where the treasure is, there the heart is.
Now make this information practical. Folks excuse behavior on the basis of their moods. They do or don't because they're "in the mood" or "not in the mood." That kind of justification is even used to defend immorality or to dismiss duty.
Consider a few applications. Hungering for righteousness is an acquired appetite. You will feel about Bible study how you choose to feel. lf you invest no time and energy in the exploration of the word of God, you will not be excited by the enterprise. You set the mood for your worship. Paul said, "Let a man examine himself" (I Corinthians 11: 28). If you make no preparation for the assembling of the saints, such will be a bore to you. Your feelings for your spouse will follow your choices. When you stop doing the little things that accompanied your courtship, is it a wonder that feelings wane? If we make no investment in a relationship, the relationship stops growing and becomes vulnerable to failure or intrusions from an outside party.
"Set your affections on things above, and not on things of this earth" (Colossians 3:2). That commandment implies the possibility of mood control, of regulating our spiritual climate. We must be managers of our affections and not let our affections manage us.

Assalamualaikum. I won't go into details of what happened, but them being mad is perfectly reasonable. I was hurt by some words and decided to keep distance for a while. Im talking about my inlaws.
Its been..idek..3-4 months since i havent talked to them. I tried once, but they did not respond. I dont want this. I want to have a good relationship with them and be close again. My husbands sil had a baby, and i want to congratulate them. I congratulated my SIL (husbands younger sister). Hurt a little cause i used to be very close with her and now it was just... formal and distant. How can i congratulate my mother in law, father in law and older sister in law? Older sister in law might be sweet about it but distant like my younger sil, but thinking about how parents in law would react makes me nervous.
Please dont ask me to bring my husband into this. Hes already stressed, and i dont have the heart to stress him out more. This is between me and the people i want to be able to call my own again.
I'm genuinely very happy for them. I know how happy and excited they were. I also texted my husbands sil and congratulated her. I ofc dont expect a reply from her anytime soon cuz she just had a baby ( Masha'Allah ).
Please be kind with your advice. I dont want to be told to keep a distance because that's just not how i want it anymore. Things happened. And now it's time to fix stuff. I dont have ego issues or any of those issues. I can call and text them multiple times and get no reply. My only issue is the nervousness and fear.

On a fine night, after a particularly excellent display of showmanship and sportsmanship from 22 of the best entertainers around in the gentleman’s game, I have decided to open the greatest forum on the medium of the internet, a platform of unrivaled potential, to foster and nurture, an open environment of unparalleled inclusivity, friendship, and substantive debate. Though it must be acknowledged, on this particular instance, it is not for intellectual or social stimulation that I have decided to visit the reddit forum, but rather for the sake of my own amusement, but in great doubt I was, that I could possibly be more amused than I was awestruck by the great game of cricket I have seen transpire by in the oval.
Thus I was awestruck by a post made in the common fellowship of my fellow Indian kinsmen, a post beautifully detailing the social nursery that creates the dangerous extents of envy as observed by the learned u/pawsomepat, whose eloquence I have not seen reflected since I was mesmerized by the words of Jay Gatsby, a much learned man u/pawsomepat not since H.P Lovecraft did a man exist whose brilliance in prose was matched only by the depths of their empathy.
Thus, I salute you OP with the most heartfelt applause I have ever garnered, you have filled my night with both the finest amusement possible and the greatest social commentary I have ever witnessed put to pen since J.K Rowling. The finest social critique unfolding itself in front of me, the glory of a mechanism, flawlessly crafted and executed. But pointed out in your fine critique, “Remember, it is not noble to stagnate, nor is it a virtue to resent those who strive.” Struck me with deep inspiration, thus I attempt to write, with my paltry prose and meagre understanding of the innately complex web of psychological an social causes mentioned in this moving piece of literature, my own blurb, it would hardly live up to the lofty standards of your own hand but the circumstances of my inaccessibility to the greatest word synthesizing treasure trove of human kind that you possess, it is my own hand that I must use, I suspect that I will fail like Tolkien did in his poor attempts at recreating the great Shannara chronicles, but strive I must.
Listen to me thus, fellow redditors with whom I share a bond ship greater than blood can ever forge, this is my attempt at a request made, to the entirety of the subreddit, there are those among us that would deign to preach us, about social institutes and moral obligations but none of them measure to the trite understanding of the complex nuance that OP possess, whose social acumen can only be rivalled by Richard 2 in Shakespeare’s pages. Though enough praise cannot be heaped onto the OP themselves the sophisticated subtle social critique unmatched since the works of Ayn Rand herself must be given the centerstage, greed, jealousy and envy the words say, a tribute to the insecurities displayed on online forums such as this to the immense material success that the OP observes, however, I must ask, is the art itself not reflective of its inspiration ? does the very act of social prowess accumulated through the deficit and exploitation of others not deserve their scorn. In a material world where meaning of a person is defined by the depths of their pockets, in a culture where being strong entails being stronger, where a villain must exist for the hero to slay. Thus, I support OP, deeply exploited by the ravages of the social media seeking to demean them to accumulate prowess for themselves.
Thus I conclude this testimony I have written to OPs greatness I will conclude for my time I feel is unworthy to be spent on writing thus when instead it can be spent reflecting upon the values thought as written by their great machine, my paltry hands cannot hope to measure up to that, but the amusement provided has been unmatched for much ignorance was uncovered to me by the brilliant critique written. Thus once again I salute you OP.
​
TLDR: too tired to explain but satire on privileged entitled chuckle fucks.

I (24F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been in a relationship for just over a year now, and we can’t seem to see eye to eye on this conflict so I’m looking for a bit of perspective on this. Basically, this came about after the funeral of an old coworkefamily friend that he didn’t know—after the mass was over, my siblings/cousins/aunts and uncles decided to go to a local restaurant/bar for a few drinks. BF had been out with some friends that day, but some of my family asked what he was up to and told me to invite him so I did.
This is where the conflict comes in. My family is VERY traditional Latino catholic. It’s hard for me to balance as I am very progressive, my parents still have a big issue with me spending the night at his place and feel the need to keep tabs on me, etc. This includes conservative views on drugs, even though marijuana is legal where I live. I used to smoke in college frequently but now do it irregularly as I have a full time job, they have no clue about this and would absolutely freak if they knew. BF knows this, but when he shows up to the restaurant his eyes are totally red and it’s clear he’s stoned and must have smoked in the car before coming in. I guess I might have been okay with this if it wasn’t noticeable, but he’s so visibly high that my aunt noticed and basically started questioning/berating him for minutes on end. I tried to tell her to ease up and defended him best I could but it spiraled into her talking about his job (I am the breadwinner) and basically how he’s not good enough for me and this proves it.
Obviously I don’t agree with what my aunt said, but him showing up high when he knows how my family would react has made me start to wonder if he has more of a problem with weed/alcohol than I originally thought, especially since we’ve been talking about moving in together. After this happens, we’re talking about it the next day and I try to raise these concerns. He turns it into how I’ll always side with my family over him, while I’m trying to explain how I can be upset with both him and my aunt. I ask him not to do that again, and he says he’ll respect that and not do it but that he’s an adult and if he wants to he will. I try to point this out as a contradiction, he disagrees. He takes this as me attacking him and says he feels this is “the most attacked he’s ever been” when I’m just trying to say this isn’t acceptable around my family. He’s saying he doesn’t want to see this aunt ever again, which is fair, but I don’t have the social capital in my family to have my family pick my boyfriend to come to events instead of my aunt. He wants aunt to apologize, but knowing her, she won’t because she views him as in the wrong for showing up that way. He thinks I’m in the wrong for not siding with him more because technically it’s legal and he’s an adult. Meanwhile I think he’s in the wrong for showing up to a funeral “after party” in that state and not being more understanding of the position he’s putting me in. I know Reddit has a lax view on weed, but I still love my family and I think this is more about him not respecting what’s appropriate to them—it’s so easy NOT to get high before going somewhere. So, AITA?

Okay, so my brother (36) has BPD and has a history of being physically abusive toward both me and my mom (73). He still lives with my mom and relies on her for support. After my mom's car accident last September, I lent them my car for six months with the agreement that they would help me out with rides when needed, give me $100 a month as well as take care of any maintenance for the car while it was in their possession. However, they have been taking advantage of my generosity by not taking me anywhere for 3 months due to my brother's bad mood and not taking care of the tires and riding them when there is an issue with them. Now I'm worried that when I take my car back, my brother might react aggressively toward me while I am in the process of taking my car and to my mom after I leave their house.
My question or just general stress about the situation is the complexity of the situation based on essentially choices that I never made. I didn't talk to my brother for 3 years until this accident due to past abuse. However, doing my mother the favor has kind of turned into doing him a favor as well. I should note that my mother is not allowed to drive my car due to her history of accidents. So, it's mostly my brother driving the car. I know I need to go back to my boundaries and that my mother is not my responsibility, but she is also elderly (73) so I worry about her safety both physically and financially.
TLDR: My brother with BPD has been physically abusive in the past, and I let my mom and him use my car with the condition that they assist me with rides. They have been taking advantage, and now I'm concerned that my brother's reaction to taking the car back could lead to further harm to my mom.

For context: dysphoric AMAB. Where I live the entire LGBT community is pretty small and localized in places I honestly dislike for unrelated reasons. The transgender community is even smaller to a near mythical level. TERFs that don't even know what TERFs are but think and behave accordingly are common as hell. I don't really like full on distance relationships. I'm attracted to women. My prospects are honestly not great at the moment either due to being weird, misunderstood and having inconsistent gendered body language, and being poor doesn't help either.
Transitioning would reduce my dating pool to like 5 people! (I'm exaggerating but factoring in being mutually attracted to each other, being of reasonable age, and them being single then yeah, maybe literally). I fear my current frustration will simply shift gears but remain equally intense or get worse, and I honestly can't even visualize how I'd react or maladapt to that. Dating prospects are literally one of the factors that hold me back most from transitioning. Maybe I should just go full on autosexual.
As a side note, I'm not attracted to men but if I were then I'd still be screwed because guys willing to openly date trans women are rare even among allies, and violence against transgender women by the men they sleep with is ridiculously high for such a small segment of the overall population.

Android
I can't seem to grasp why this is happening. This code:
mProgressDialog = ProgressDialog.show(this, "", getString(R.string.loading), true); works just fine. However, this code:
mProgressDialog = ProgressDialog.show(getApplicationContext(), "", getString(R.string.loading), true); throws the following exception:
W/WindowManager( 569): Attempted to add window with non-application token WindowToken{438bee58 token=null}. Aborting.D/AndroidRuntime( 2049): Shutting down VMW/dalvikvm( 2049): threadid=3: thread exiting with uncaught exception (group=0x4001aa28)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): Uncaught handler: thread main exiting due to uncaught exceptionE/AndroidRuntime( 2049): java.lang.RuntimeException: Unable to start activity ComponentInfo{com.tastekid.TasteKid/com.tastekid.TasteKid.YouTube}: android.view.WindowManager$BadTokenException: Unable to add window -- token null is not for an applicationE/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.ActivityThread.performLaunchActivity(ActivityThread.java:2401)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.ActivityThread.handleLaunchActivity(ActivityThread.java:2417)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.ActivityThread.access$2100(ActivityThread.java:116)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.ActivityThread$H.handleMessage(ActivityThread.java:1794)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.os.Handler.dispatchMessage(Handler.java:99)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.os.Looper.loop(Looper.java:123)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.ActivityThread.main(ActivityThread.java:4203)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at java.lang.reflect.Method.invokeNative(Native Method)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:521)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at com.android.internal.os.ZygoteInit$MethodAndArgsCaller.run(ZygoteInit.java:791)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at com.android.internal.os.ZygoteInit.main(ZygoteInit.java:549)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at dalvik.system.NativeStart.main(Native Method)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): Caused by: android.view.WindowManager$BadTokenException: Unable to add window -- token null is not for an applicationE/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.view.ViewRoot.setView(ViewRoot.java:460)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.view.WindowManagerImpl.addView(WindowManagerImpl.java:177)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.view.WindowManagerImpl.addView(WindowManagerImpl.java:91)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.Dialog.show(Dialog.java:238)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.ProgressDialog.show(ProgressDialog.java:107)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.ProgressDialog.show(ProgressDialog.java:90)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at com.tastekid.TasteKid.YouTube.onCreate(YouTube.java:45)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.Instrumentation.callActivityOnCreate(Instrumentation.java:1123)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): at android.app.ActivityThread.performLaunchActivity(ActivityThread.java:2364)E/AndroidRuntime( 2049): ... 11 more Any ideas why this is happening? I'm calling this from the onCreate method.
Answer link : https://codehunter.cc/a/android/android-progressdialog-show-crashes-with-getapplicationcontext

I thought I’d bunch together absolutely every helpful article, post, video, comment, quote, etc. that has helped me gain hope during some of my darkest times. OCD is a bitch, and Real Event is a hell I would wish on nobody. Hang in there, every single one of you deserves happiness <33 And I mean you! The one that thinks they are uniquely different, I’m talking to you too! Also, it’s important to remember that recovery is not linear - you will have bad days, but you will also have days where you wonder why you were so worried as if ocd has given you a break for once.
Disclaimer: Please try not to use these resources compulsively, only read them when you're in the right headspace. I have very much been guilty of doing this, but just know that it won't give you any more certainty or clarity about the event (even if it might feel so for a minute, it will wear off). When you feel the urge to read an article, watch a video, or read a comment for reassurance, or for some sort of "answer", respond differently. don't let your ocd win. It will feel like all you need is just to read that one article and you'll be cured! but nope, I compulsively did this hundreds of times and it never ever worked. You are stronger than what your thoughts are telling you.
Additionally, not all of these are written by licensed professionals, so do not use this as a substitute for therapy. A lot of the posts I have linked are from people like you and me, who are just sharing what has helped them personally; something that worked for them may not work for you. This is simply an educational post for those who may not have found many resources on this theme yet.
I hope this helps <3 I will also be adding more to this as time goes along! And if there are any additional resources I can add please let me know :)

Articles/Blogs

• Turning Point Psychology: Real Event OCD and 10 Steps to Getting Better (Examples of obsessions, compulsions, and helpful tips for getting better)
• OCD Specialists: Real Event OCD (Ways it can manifest, why this is an OCD issue, some cognitive distortions etc.)
• Living With OCD: Don't Dwell on the Past (Live Mindfully) (Choosing to live mindfully and in the present moment)
• California OCD: Dealing With Real Event OCD Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 (An overview, self-help tips, related themes, self-compassion)
• The Debilitating Type of OCD You Probably Haven't Heard Of (Incredibly helpful if you need to explain to a loved one what you're going through without all the graphic details. This blog post sums things up perfectly in a way that someone without OCD would be able to understand)

Reddit Posts/Comments

Tips & Helpful, Quick Ideas

• 10 helpful tips for Real Event OCD (Things to remember, and perspectives you may not have considered before)
• More helpful tips for Real Event OCD (Following on from the previous post)
• Quick and Helpful Tips (Good to consider for OCD overall, not just specifically Real Event)
• Tips for dealing with Real Event OCD (Includes self-help ideas, such as realising nobody can be 100% perfect)

Compulsion-Focused Content

• Document of Mental Compulsions (Another one for OCD in general - very helpful resource for identifying some compulsions you may not have recognised as compulsions before)
• Things To Remember About Compulsive Googling (This one is difficult to stop, but it's really important to cut out this compulsion. Spoiler: You won't find the answer you crave)

Reminders & Short Posts

• Questions Real Event OCD throws at you, and their answers (Can help with responding differently)
• A Short Reminder for Everyone Suffering (Not a reassurance post, just another helpful reminder)
• A Reminder About Ruminating (Another thing that is so crucial to cut out as much as you can. I know it's so difficult though when it's so automatic)
• Letting go of the need to be "good" (TLDR; It is ok to be flawed)
• Things to remember with Real Event OCD (This was a very useful reminder of reality for me at my worst)

Self-Help Guides & ERP

• Living with Uncertainty (A user's account of how they have coped with this theme)
• Doing ERP for Real Event OCD (Be careful when doing ERP without the guidance of a professional, but if you don't have the resources then this can be helpful for ideas of where to start)
• Additional ideas for writing and practising ERP scripts (Helpful for breaking down the ERP process if you're wanting to start it alone - remember not to jump straight in the deep end with your most triggering exposures)
• Putting Real Event OCD in Its Place (A user's guide of how they got through this theme)

Youtube Resources

• OCD and Anxiety / Nathan Peterson (The perfect channel for everything OCD-related. Nathan has genuinely been such a god-send throughout my recovery)
  • Real Event OCD: What it Looks Like (Overview, examples of obsessions, compulsions, cognitive distortions, and how ERP can look for this theme)
  • 10 Treatment Tips for Real Event OCD (This is a narrated version of the Turning Point Psychology article I mentioned earlier)
  • Removing Guilt from OCD (Since guilt is very prominent in Real Event, this can be helpful to watch)
  • OCD Does Not Like Living in the Present (Why living in the present is so important)
  • Cancel Culture & OCD (Why OCD thrives on the idea of cancel culture. I know this is such a huge fear for many of us with Real Event)
  • Stop Ruminating with OCD (One of the biggest compulsions with Real Event, it's so important to stop this in its tracks)
  • 3 ways to fight Moral Scrupulosity OCD (I know this isn't explicitly Real Event-related but I still feel like this is a must-watch for everyone struggling. OCD loves to latch onto morally ambiguous events, and this video goes through some great points regarding morality and OCD)
• Chrissie Hodges (One of the kindest souls I've found on Youtube. She creates no-bullshit videos on OCD, and really addresses the taboo side of OCD that isn't often spoken about. Please go check her out)
  • Am I A Monster Because of Childhood Experiences? (This helped me so unbelievably much with putting my event into perspective. It's massively important to listen to what she says about taking only what applies to you and leaving the rest)
  • OCD and Memories (Touches on False Memory and the links with Real Event)
• Mark Freeman (Great source for OCD-related content overall)
  • What if the Obsession is About Something I Really Did? (Light-hearted and humourous video about Real Event, gives some really great tips)
  • OCD and False / Real Memories (How to put Real Event and False Memories into perspective with a banana)
• OCD The Bug In My Brain (Another great helpful channel for OCD-related content)
  • Number One Real Event OCD Tip (Essentially, why compulsive research will never change the past and won't help you see the future)
  • OCD Makes Mountains Out of Molehills (Talking about how OCD will always make things seem worse, no matter what it was, even if it was a bad thing)

Quotes

• "What matters is that whenever there is something in our life that was maybe incorrect or wrong, maybe we shouldn't have done. What we're supposed to do is learn from these experiences. Our brain corrects itself and says, oh, don't do that again next time. That's why the guilt or shame is there; it's supposed to teach you not to do it again. But what OCD does is it attacks this. It grabs right onto it and says, this is a big deal, there's nothing to learn from it, you need to feel guilty forever. It's our job to teach your brain that that is so incorrect."[From Nathan Peterson's self-directed "Master Your OCD" course]
• "Even if it was a mistake that was last week, even if it was a mistake 20 years ago, it doesn't matter. what matters is that you're living life today and, today, do you need to relive that experience? Is there a reason for it? We have to retrain your brain to say, sorry, this is in the past, time for you to go away."[From Nathan Peterson's self-directed "Master Your OCD" course]
• "Every time you react to this experience that you had in the past, you're telling your brain that it still has value, that it still matters."[From Nathan Peterson's self-directed "Master Your OCD" course]
• "The answer...? Who knows? Who cares? You didn't until your ocd latched onto it, you remembered it like any other memory. Maybe you will never know. Maybe it will bother you forever, maybe it won't bother you forever. You did something, you won't do it again, MOVE ON! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!"[A personal lil reminder I wrote for myself]
• "You cannot think your way through a fear."[Nathan Peterson]

"But what if my event was actually bad? Surely none of this applies to me!"

Please read this comment. OCD will strive to make you feel like you are the worst person on earth, no matter what your event was. Even if it was something horrible, you're dealing with OCD now, and you're living in the present day. What you're obsessing over now is just a blip in time, and you've grown enough as a person to look back and say that wasn't the best decision.

I thought I’d bunch together absolutely every helpful article, post, video, comment, quote, etc. that has helped me gain hope during some of my darkest times. OCD is a bitch, and Real Event is a hell I would wish on nobody. Hang in there, every single one of you deserves happiness <33 And I mean you! The one that thinks they are uniquely different, I’m talking to you too! Also, it’s important to remember that recovery is not linear - you will have bad days, but you will also have days where you wonder why you were so worried as if ocd has given you a break for once.
Disclaimer: Please try not to use these resources compulsively, only read them when you're in the right headspace. I have very much been guilty of doing this, but just know that it won't give you any more certainty or clarity about the event (even if it might feel so for a minute, it will wear off). When you feel the urge to read an article, watch a video, or read a comment for reassurance, or for some sort of "answer", respond differently. don't let your ocd win. It will feel like all you need is just to read that one article and you'll be cured! but nope, I compulsively did this hundreds of times and it never ever worked. You are stronger than what your thoughts are telling you.
Additionally, not all of these are written by licensed professionals, so do not use this as a substitute for therapy. A lot of the posts I have linked are from people like you and me, who are just sharing what has helped them personally; something that worked for them may not work for you. This is simply an educational post for those who may not have found many resources on this theme yet.
I hope this helps <3 I will also be adding more to this as time goes along! And if there are any additional resources I can add please let me know :)

Articles/Blogs

• Turning Point Psychology: Real Event OCD and 10 Steps to Getting Better (Examples of obsessions, compulsions, and helpful tips for getting better)
• OCD Specialists: Real Event OCD (Ways it can manifest, why this is an OCD issue, some cognitive distortions etc.)
• Living With OCD: Don't Dwell on the Past (Live Mindfully) (Choosing to live mindfully and in the present moment)
• California OCD: Dealing With Real Event OCD Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 (An overview, self-help tips, related themes, self-compassion)
• The Debilitating Type of OCD You Probably Haven't Heard Of (Incredibly helpful if you need to explain to a loved one what you're going through without all the graphic details. This blog post sums things up perfectly in a way that someone without OCD would be able to understand)

Reddit Posts/Comments

Tips & Helpful, Quick Ideas

• 10 helpful tips for Real Event OCD (Things to remember, and perspectives you may not have considered before)
• More helpful tips for Real Event OCD (Following on from the previous post)
• Quick and Helpful Tips (Good to consider for OCD overall, not just specifically Real Event)
• Tips for dealing with Real Event OCD (Includes self-help ideas, such as realising nobody can be 100% perfect)

Compulsion-Focused Content

• Document of Mental Compulsions (Another one for OCD in general - very helpful resource for identifying some compulsions you may not have recognised as compulsions before)
• Things To Remember About Compulsive Googling (This one is difficult to stop, but it's really important to cut out this compulsion. Spoiler: You won't find the answer you crave)

Reminders & Short Posts

• Questions Real Event OCD throws at you, and their answers (Can help with responding differently)
• A Short Reminder for Everyone Suffering (Not a reassurance post, just another helpful reminder)
• A Reminder About Ruminating (Another thing that is so crucial to cut out as much as you can. I know it's so difficult though when it's so automatic)
• Letting go of the need to be "good" (TLDR; It is ok to be flawed)
• Things to remember with Real Event OCD (This was a very useful reminder of reality for me at my worst)

Self-Help Guides & ERP

• Living with Uncertainty (A user's account of how they have coped with this theme)
• Doing ERP for Real Event OCD (Be careful when doing ERP without the guidance of a professional, but if you don't have the resources then this can be helpful for ideas of where to start)
• Additional ideas for writing and practising ERP scripts (Helpful for breaking down the ERP process if you're wanting to start it alone - remember not to jump straight in the deep end with your most triggering exposures)
• Putting Real Event OCD in Its Place (A user's guide of how they got through this theme)

Youtube Resources

• OCD and Anxiety / Nathan Peterson (The perfect channel for everything OCD-related. Nathan has genuinely been such a god-send throughout my recovery)
  • Real Event OCD: What it Looks Like (Overview, examples of obsessions, compulsions, cognitive distortions, and how ERP can look for this theme)
  • 10 Treatment Tips for Real Event OCD (This is a narrated version of the Turning Point Psychology article I mentioned earlier)
  • Removing Guilt from OCD (Since guilt is very prominent in Real Event, this can be helpful to watch)
  • OCD Does Not Like Living in the Present (Why living in the present is so important)
  • Cancel Culture & OCD (Why OCD thrives on the idea of cancel culture. I know this is such a huge fear for many of us with Real Event)
  • Stop Ruminating with OCD (One of the biggest compulsions with Real Event, it's so important to stop this in its tracks)
  • 3 ways to fight Moral Scrupulosity OCD (I know this isn't explicitly Real Event-related but I still feel like this is a must-watch for everyone struggling. OCD loves to latch onto morally ambiguous events, and this video goes through some great points regarding morality and OCD)
• Chrissie Hodges (One of the kindest souls I've found on Youtube. She creates no-bullshit videos on OCD, and really addresses the taboo side of OCD that isn't often spoken about. Please go check her out)
  • Am I A Monster Because of Childhood Experiences? (This helped me so unbelievably much with putting my event into perspective. It's massively important to listen to what she says about taking only what applies to you and leaving the rest)
  • OCD and Memories (Touches on False Memory and the links with Real Event)
• Mark Freeman (Great source for OCD-related content overall)
  • What if the Obsession is About Something I Really Did? (Light-hearted and humourous video about Real Event, gives some really great tips)
  • OCD and False / Real Memories (How to put Real Event and False Memories into perspective with a banana)
• OCD The Bug In My Brain (Another great helpful channel for OCD-related content)
  • Number One Real Event OCD Tip (Essentially, why compulsive research will never change the past and won't help you see the future)
  • OCD Makes Mountains Out of Molehills (Talking about how OCD will always make things seem worse, no matter what it was, even if it was a bad thing)

Quotes

• "What matters is that whenever there is something in our life that was maybe incorrect or wrong, maybe we shouldn't have done. What we're supposed to do is learn from these experiences. Our brain corrects itself and says, oh, don't do that again next time. That's why the guilt or shame is there; it's supposed to teach you not to do it again. But what OCD does is it attacks this. It grabs right onto it and says, this is a big deal, there's nothing to learn from it, you need to feel guilty forever. It's our job to teach your brain that that is so incorrect."[From Nathan Peterson's self-directed "Master Your OCD" course]
• "Even if it was a mistake that was last week, even if it was a mistake 20 years ago, it doesn't matter. what matters is that you're living life today and, today, do you need to relive that experience? Is there a reason for it? We have to retrain your brain to say, sorry, this is in the past, time for you to go away."[From Nathan Peterson's self-directed "Master Your OCD" course]
• "Every time you react to this experience that you had in the past, you're telling your brain that it still has value, that it still matters."[From Nathan Peterson's self-directed "Master Your OCD" course]
• "The answer...? Who knows? Who cares? You didn't until your ocd latched onto it, you remembered it like any other memory. Maybe you will never know. Maybe it will bother you forever, maybe it won't bother you forever. You did something, you won't do it again, MOVE ON! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!"[A personal lil reminder I wrote for myself]
• "You cannot think your way through a fear."[Nathan Peterson]

"But what if my event was actually bad? Surely none of this applies to me!"

Please read this comment. OCD will strive to make you feel like you are the worst person on earth, no matter what your event was. Even if it was something horrible, you're dealing with OCD now, and you're living in the present day. What you're obsessing over now is just a blip in time, and you've grown enough as a person to look back and say that wasn't the best decision.

RANT ALERT
This past weekend, my mom’s bf was acting like an ignorant dick & I wasn’t having it. He was being very reactive & acting ghetto, I was beyond irked I put my foot down. He’s been on good behavior for the past few yrs , is “reformed” & thought this behavior was a thing of the past. We all went out for bfast Sunday & had a bad experience at a diner so we left after no service after being seated for a while. We all get back in the car & everyone is throwing out their preferences & I had to be the bigger person saying everyone has to come to an agreement. He cursed under his breath, I said there’s no fucking need to act up, it’s just breakfast for crying out loud, the vibe is off & I’m not having it right now.
My mom picks somewhere hastily & we settle there, I sat at the far end of the table & didn’t talk for the whole time bc he pissed me off really bad. My mom right when we’re getting ready to leave asks if I’m ok bc I seem grumpy. I roll my eyes & and am like are you freaking joking right now I’m not the one that’s been acting up this whole time I’m simply reacting & you’re asking the wrong person. She takes a breath, says something about being positive & her bf says “exactly”. I couldn’t believe it, when we leave I storm off to the car, when we get home she & her bf spend the rest of the day out on the porch talking. In between that time she asks if I’m okay, I get defensive again & bring up his shitty behavior. Then maybe after an hr she comes back, says that she finally gets why I reacted the way I did & apparently she & him talked about it while they were out there.
She & I weren’t talking for a few months before, saying she really doesn’t want that again & worries that’ll be the case bc of this new friction in the house now. Since Sunday she hasn’t really talked to me(we all live together), she said hi Monday, I replied kind of dryly & left it at that. Tues morning, I walk by & normally she’d say good morning but doesn’t talk to me. I only confronted her with internet issues & she writes me a check for money she borrowed. I don’t get why I’m the one that is not being communicated with while her bf is the issue imo & they’re talking like nothing ever happened.
I just think about the times when I was younger, her bf was a dick, did shitty things & they never went long without talking. My mom & I on the other hand, the longest we’ve gone without talking was a yr. When we’d go months without talking, it’s normally something petty that caused it & I don’t feel like she made an active effort to reconcile (even if I caused it). She’d reach out for my bday or maybe follow up after a few months/send a text🙄. But when we communicate she’s loving, I wonder how’d she’d act if she & my brothers fought. I feel like it might be best if my mother & I are civil moving fwd/very surface level & if that means moving out so be it.

what if i told you that? how would you react? would you shut the conversation down? or maybe you’d blush and smile and do that cute laugh you do when you’re nervous and trying to tell me something. would you say you feel the same? or would you even respond at all?
what if it was true? maybe it is. a lot of days i feel like it is. no matter how hard i try to distance myself as much as i can, it feels like i’m being pulled back in. there’s some force that will not let me leave you. the connection is still there. and i know you feel it too.
sometimes i feel we didn’t get the right outcome. what if it was supposed to be us? what if we were so close but we meddled with nature, reacted out of fear, and now we’re here. are we happy? you ask me that a lot. but what about you?
i never found the letter by the way. and i know you said you don’t read these anymore. but sometimes curiosity gets the best of us all. so maybe you will see this one day.
i love you. and i just want you to be happy.

I've noticed this on his backfoot a couple days ago. It doesnt seem to hurt as I can touch it and apply pressure without him reacting. I also pinched it to see if something is underneath the skin but it seems to be the skin itself. It is a slight bump and there is no fur. Its not an open wound and there is no scab, though the skin is a bit more rough on that spot.
He is a house cat and has no access to outside apart from the balcony.
He also doesnt do well with vet visits and its always a huge stress for him so I thought id ask for advice here first.
Any ideas what this could be?

One of the national myths of Canada is that its soldiers in the first world war were specifically feared and/or respected by their German counterparts. In other words, Canadians were distinguished from other soldiers in the British Empire and seen as "stormtroopers."
While this question is asked a fair bit on this subreddit, I have never seen a good answer to it. I asked the question a few months ago and AnCanadianHistorian gave me a good lead which I followed up on. As set out in more detail below, I still do not have an answer to the question but some more context.
On the "yes" side, enygma9753 has two sources - The National Post (a Canadian right-of-centre newspaper) and the Canadian Encyclopedia. In fairness, the Post article cribs liberally from Tim Cook (the historian, not the CEO). Cook has made some points that support this thesis:
Cook cites an interview with a soldier from PEI: "The Germans call us the white Ghurkha," boasted Clifford Rogers, later a recipient of the Military Medal.
Cook, in discussing the poet Robert Graves' memoir states: Were the Canadians more likely to execute soldiers on the battlefield than other soldiers? Robert Graves thought so, but that reputation for fierceness was, as he rightly noted, also part of the Canadian reputation as shock troops. The Germans, too, believed the Canadians were less likely to take prisoners.
Cook states, without citation: When serving opposite the Canadians, the Germans were cautious and wary of these elite troops, but the capture of Canadian prisoners sometimes led to assaults or executions.
While this is not nothing, the plural of anecdote is not data. Rogers may be exaggerating or misremembering - or perhaps he's recounting one specific German soldier who was not indicative. Similarly, Graves may have distinguished Canadians from other Imperial soldiers and believed them to be "shock troopers" - but that doesn't necessarily mean that this was a belief on the German side.
Finally, the last statement does not have a citation - so how much weight it is given is dependent on the credence you give Cook as a historian.
Cook, Tim. "The Politics of Surrender: Canadian Soldiers and the Killing of Prisoners in the Great War". The Journal of Military History, vol. 70, no. 3 (Jul., 2006), p. 651
Similarly, TheWellSpokenMan ‘s FAQ answer has a general statement about “the Canadians and the Australians earned a reputation as shock troops” and also relies on Tim Cook.
On the "no" side, Superplaner notes that the commission the German High Command established concluded "nothing at all about the fighting qualities of the Canadian Corps". He/she also notes that to the extent the Germans were keeping track of the Canadians it was because they fought as a cohesive unit.
Superplaner has commented frequently on this matter but, respectfully, it appears that most of his/her post on this appeals to his/her own authority. To the extent that you can point to something in a source that states something, it doesn't really matter who you are - the source can be debated on its own merits. But if your claim is "I have reviewed this area and found nothing", your actual credentials are important.
Of course, it is important to note that while I've read a few of Superplaner's comments on this matter, I have not read all of them - so it is very possible that there is a post that addresses my issues above.
As noted, AnCanadianHistorian recommended that I review Germany's Western Front: 1914, the official German history of the war – the first two volumes of which have been translated into English. His/her view was “Like Superplaner suggests, the official German military did not really think about Canadians as Canadians, but rather as British soldiers.”
Aside from a mention to “the French and the Canadians” offering “stubborn resistance” during a battle, there is nothing much one way or the other specifically commenting on Canadians qua Canadians (although as AnCanadianHistorian/ Superplaner suggest that in itself much be indicative).
During this trip to my local reference library to review Germany's Western Front: 1914, I was able to review Christopher Duffy’s “Through German Eyes: The British and the Somme 1916” which was quite helpful. His book, Duffy states, “is not, directly, the story of the Germans on the Somme. Its purpose is to set out the German view of, and interest in, the British performance and mentality as they were experienced in the course of that long struggle. The evidence is both copious and unfamiliar, and is to be found in official papers, histories, memoirs and letters, and most revealingly of all in the results of the interrogation of British prisoners of war.”
Contra the suggestion that Canadians were not distinguished from the British, the Germans actually distinguished between British, Canadian, Australian, New Zealand and South African soldiers (for example, the Germans noted that “The Australian officers are inferior in every respect to the British.”).
Duffy provides the following quote with respect to Canadians:

it is difficult to define the Canadians as such. From what they know of our prisoners, the French Canadians have taken little or no part in the war. Otherwise the various British races as represented among the Canadian prisoners are fundamentally very similar to the British in the homeland, the only difference being that the blinkered mental uniformity of the British has been moderated by the wide open spaces of Canada, which allow more of the natural man to appear.

He also provided the following quote from a German soldier who clearly distinguished Canadians but as a sub-category of “Tommies” (i.e. Brits):

Some minutes passed before the Tommies broke into our position, not indeed by a proper assault, but by pushing one another forward. They trod on our dead and wounded. They were reeking of alcohol, and offered our men whisky and ciga-rettes, apparently glad to have been spared having to make a bayonet attack. They asked if we had any more men in our trench, because they had come under heavy fire from there. They lifted the tent canvases from the funk-holes and saw - dead and wounded. They told us that they were Canadians, old friends from the fighting in Flanders. That made sense!

Finally, Duffy mentioned that intelligence branch of the supreme command (OHL) had, on 26 August 1916, assessed the combat-worthiness of the divisions that the British might be able to bring against the First Army (emphasis added):

Good: 47th [Territorial], 6th [Regular], 20th [New Armyl, 50th [Territorial], 18th [New Army], 1st Canadian, 2nd Canadian
Medium: 11th [New Army], 39th [New Army], 41st [New Army], 3rd Canadian, New Zealand
Poor: 61st [New Army], 40th [New Armyl, 60th [New Armyl, 63rd [Royal Naval], 3rd and 5th Australian, 4th Canadian.'

He noted:

These categories were not intended to indicate absolute worth, but the effectiveness of the formations at a given time, as influenced by permutations of training, freshness, experience and battle losses.

Ultimately, the Duffy text is not conclusive, but it does show that there were views and assessments of Canadians-as-Canadians (even though sometimes this was as a special category of "Tommies").

(Cross posted)
I pretty much verbally abused my MIL because she didn’t want to come to my hub’s 21st birthday dinner after we said her husband wasn’t invited. (it was the straw that broke the camels back because she had always chosen men over her sons) I was so angry in the moment and my hub was visibly upset with her so I just let loose and said some god awful things to her. I knew what I said was wrong of me and I’m not a mean person by nature but seeing red is seeing red.
My hub knows everything I said to her and thinks that she deserved to hear it. I do feel guilty but I don’t think I will ever apologize for it.
Reason why MILs husband was not invited: Her husband is very shady and has done some not so great things to my hub in the past. The most recent thing that happened was Christmas time when were doing presents with them at our house. MILs husband was outside with SIL and said that we were rude for not letting him use the bathroom and he was gonna shit on the floor and blame the dogs, he never asked to use the bathroom in the first place. Our ring camera picked it up and we saw it the next day. We never said anything but after that we decided he was no longer welcome in our home or around us.
How MIL reacted after I said all the nasty things to her: MIL apologized to my hub after a few days for not coming but blamed me saying that it was my idea not to invite her hub. It was a mutual decision that was delivered from my hub in a txt when we said he wasn’t invited. (She’s always put her bfs/husbands over my him and that’s why he didn’t want me to apologize) I blocked her on everything after and I plan to live my life without her in it from now on.
Edit: Feel free to engage and share what you might do or thought I should’ve done in this situation.

Computer Type: Desktop
GPU: RX 7900 XT
CPU: RYZEN 7 5800X3D
Motherboard: ROG B450
BIOS Version: latest
RAM: 32Gb 3200mhz
PSU: Some ROG 1000W
Case: Fractal Define C
Operating System: Latest Win 11
Chipset Drivers: AMD B450 latest drivers
Background Applications: DISCORD, CHROME
So yeah im basically having stuttering problems(even in csgo), crashes, even windows running with 3fps when i dont log in fast enough. I have tried installing latest drivers on a clean windows install and running benchmarks and stuff. But nothing is helping. When switching back to my RTX 2060 Super i dont get any stutters nor crashes in my windows. I have tried to put my ingame setti ga as low as possible with a bad resolution to see if the issue is my CPU but its not.
Does anyone know if this is a model issue or am i looking at something else here?

I've been wrestling with this for a little while now and would appreciate any help from people familiar with scholarship as a whole; this isn't really a question I can bring to my Pastor (never been to seminary) or anyone else really in my immediate circle that I know and trust.
How does evangelical scholarship and non-evangelical scholarship interact? Not all evangelicals reject anything and everything to do with higher criticism necessarily, but I'm wrestling with how to understand how the two work with each other? Some evangelical scholars seem to have no issue with rejecting the named authorship of some epistles (Michael Bird, N.T Wright, and Richard Bauckhaum come to mind regarding some catholic and pastoral Epistles) while still maintaining a high on-par-with-inerrancy view of scripture. I'm sure there are other areas and other scholars that have no problem integrating insights from people who view the Bible as just an old book, and I'm totally cool with that.
I browse Themelios fairly often and read articles of interest; evangelical scholars seem to listen to and take seriously the views of non-evangelicals and secular scholars. Is the reverse true? If so, how? If not, why?
Finally, and this is just the root of the issue, how should someone really, really wrestling with and wanting to know and understand scripture use scholarship, both evangelical or otherwise? I honestly have no issue believing the Bible is the inspired, authoritative, infallible (and depending on how you define it, inerrant) Word of God, and have believed that for my entire Christian life. I've been reading the Bible since I was in elementary school, over and over again, and I love it. But I don't speak Greek or Hebrew, and I lack the ability (and time) to really dive into scholarship and understand what's considered "consensus" or "out there" or "respectable" or even just being discussed.

https://i.imgur.com/4RKMoiT.jpeg

Link (mega only):

https://pastebin.com/E8X9tpwe

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest =McMurphy=

This extensive fanedit is an altered retelling of Milos Forman's 1975 cinematic landmark "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", starring Jack Nicholson.

Description:

As much as I love Jack Nicholson's career-defining performance in this classic movie, it occurred to me that I hadn't rewatched it for many years. To make it more rewatchable I've modernized the pacing, improved the dialog, and addressed an issue I had with the movie's implementation of the Chief.
Native American Chief Bromden was the narrator in the original book by Ken Kesey, giving the reader a fly-on-the-wall connection to the story. Pretending to be deaf-mute made him privy to secret conversations that people thought he couldn't hear. In the book he began to speak openly to the other patients after he and McMurphy were sent to shock therapy, all colluding to help McMurphy escape.
In the movie, however, we experience the story from McMurphy's perspective. Chief only speaks to McMurphy and they don't actually talk together much at all, leaving the Chief's speaking parts and the reveal feeling kind of shoehorned in.
This edit reworks the Chief's character as an actual deaf-mute, making him a humble, enigmatic figure, changing the movie's original plot motif ("rogues stick together") and dramatically increasing the gravity of McMurphy's profound effect on his destitute spirit.

Changes:

Retitled movie "McMurphy" in opening credits
Thoroughly overhauled dialog, creating more naturally flowing conversation and enhancing the movie's overall energy
Made characterizations more believable
Greatly improved overall pacing
Reordered some shots
McMurphy is more overconfident and quick-witted
Chief Bromden is a deaf-mute who is uplifted and inspired by McMurphy's tenacity and hunger for freedom
Cheswick is less hammy and cartoonish
Bibbit's stutter is less overwhelming when he's not in distress
Nurse Ratched is more blunt and cutting when annoyed
Original runtime: 2h13m
Fanedit runtime: 1h55m

I (M31) and my partner (M30) have been dating for almost a decade now. We've gone through our ups and downs and all arounds. We live together and have a pretty established life. A while ago I learned that he was on the same dating app I started using a few months prior. I'd caught on when I noticed him not be at the location he said he'd be when he'd go out, and a profile on there matching that location was always around, and confirmed it was him by his pictures.
I eventually brought it up to him that I was on there too so we could maybe try to talk it over. He immediately asked if I had met up with anyone on there, to which in the moment, I panicked and said no. This was a lie, I had met up with a man once prior to just mutually masturbate with each other. He also replied with no, which I could imagine may have also been a lie considering that he was almost always at a gay cruising spot when he was logged on. He explained that he was just feeling new levels of stress with some life changes and was feeling a bit lonely since then, to which I had similar sentiments. We agreed we'd need to work out a few things between us, but I then asked how he'd feel about an open relationship, since it seemed like both of us had some vested interest in being with other men. He agreed to it, but also explained that he wouldn't necessarily want to really meet people himself, but if I wanted to I could.
I waited a few days for the dust to settle before I started inquiring about what the parameters of the relationship would be. He quickly changed his tone, and became very terse and cold with me. He then proceeded to explain that he didn't want an open relationship and suggested breaking up if that's what I wanted. I quickly caved as I didn't want to make him feel upset and felt like maybe we could actively work through our issues together. He apologized for how he reacted in the moment, which I forgave him for, but did clarify that I don't think we had the proper conversations about about our issues and about if an open relationship would work for us so, I'd like for him to bring it up to me when he feels prepared to.
The few weeks afterwards, I think we both attempt to make significant efforts to make each other feel loved. Soon after though, I again started recognizing that his location wasn't matching where he said he was, and he was visiting these cruising spots again. I waited to see how often he'd do it before I'd take too much stock into it, but I saw it happen again and again and I just felt so confused. Why would he have such a negative reaction to having an open relationship if he still feels the need to hit up these cruising spots and likely be blowing random men?
Since this realization, I've also gotten back on gay dating apps. I know its wrong, but what's stopping me if he's not stopping himself? I've spent years trying being patient and accepting of his sexual insecurities and compromising on what I want and expect as to not damage his ego. I know the right thing to do is bring it start this same conversation again, but I've just experienced this repeated trend of me bringing up potential issues I'd like to address, it sparking an insecurity he feels, I have to console him and ultimately drop the issue to avoid making him feel invalid.
TL;DR: Found my partner on a gay dating app. We briefly attempted open but he shot it down very soon afterwards. Found him back on the dating apps again even though he wanted us to stay closed so I'm at a loss.

You can be honest… does this make me too old fashioned? Do I need to grow up? I assume the world pushes everyone to “test drive” everyone before making a commitment and I am the chronic slow poke that continues to lag behind. I remember i once made out with someone at a party my freshman year of college and i felt so alienated when I saw him on campus later that week and he didn’t even remember my name. It hurt and I blamed myself for getting attached to someone who I felt bonded to.
Now in my mid 20s, I’ve accepted that it’s ok to place more meaning behind affection than how my previous college experiences may have defined it. Pretending that I participate in this hookup culture I assume everyone else is in is not honest.
However, since I’m p rejection sensitive, I don’t feel confident expressing this boundary. It doesn’t feel safe to say “I feel myself getting attached and kissing will make things more complicated unless you also feel the same way.” There’s this voice in my head that says, “don’t do it! They’re going to think you’re a nut case.”
Do y’all’s worldview sound like mine? Does it sound different?

Im building an app that uses LDAP to authenticate users for my application. Im able to log into my application with my LDAP credentials and access the admin panel/db tables if my user is a super user.
However, users that are active, staff members, and not superusers cannot see any permissions assigned to the via groups or via individual permissions. (ive tried assigning a user both with no luck).
Any ideas as to where i can start tackling this issue? Any and all help would be greatly appreciated
*Settings.py *

MIDDLEWARE = [ "django.middleware.security.SecurityMiddleware", "django.contrib.sessions.middleware.SessionMiddleware", "django.middleware.common.CommonMiddleware", "django.middleware.csrf.CsrfViewMiddleware", "django.contrib.auth.middleware.AuthenticationMiddleware", "login_required.middleware.LoginRequiredMiddleware", "django.contrib.messages.middleware.MessageMiddleware", "django.middleware.clickjacking.XFrameOptionsMiddleware", ] # Custom LDAP Athentication Module AUTHENTICATION_BACKENDS = [ "Intranet.modules.authentication.AuthenticationBackend", ] 

*LDAP Authentication Module: *

from django.contrib.auth.backends import ModelBackend from django.contrib.auth.models import User from .getLDAP import get_LDAP_user This is the new authentication class django will utilize to authenticate users now. class AuthenticationBackend: def authenticate(self, request, username=None, password=None, **kwargs): # Get the user information from the LDAP if he can be authenticated if get_LDAP_user(username, password) is None: return None # check to see if the ldap user we retrieved is in the local DB try: user = User.objects.get(username=username) # if the LDAP user is not registered with the application, # crate one with defined the permissions except User.DoesNotExist: user = User(username=username) user.is_staff = True user.is_superuser = False user.save() return user def get_user(self, user_id): try: return User.objects.get(pk=user_id) except User.DoesNotExist: return None 

Quick back story. My childhood was extremely traumatic. From sexual abuse well into high school. Living in drug houses, addicted parents. Physical abuse that ultimately landed me in foster care where sadly things didn’t get better.
So given all that, my choice of men as I aged, was far from the best. even with all the therapy and healing I attempted to do. I ended up in a emotionally abusive relationship, we had two children before I found my out. To no shock I did not heal from that, I did not see the part I was playing in these toxic relationships. And I ended up in another abusive relationship shortly after. This one was 10x worse and resulted in a lot of physical abuse. I became a very timid fearful woman. Through god I found healing, I joined a DV support group and worked with them to leave the relationship. Leaving took something extreme. And while it’s effected my life I do not regret it. One morning, after he spent the night with a women he had been cheating on me with for over two year. When he got home, I told him I knew where he was and I’d like him to leave. It was over. He obviously lost it as abusers do when caught. He shoved me to the ground while he screamed at me. I was terrified he would hurt me more then he had before. I jumped grabbed my pepper spray from my keys and yelled at him to please leave. When he didn’t, and started coming at me again, I prepped sprayed. After he laughed at me and called the police. Because I used a “weapon” and he didn’t. A long with never reporting the strangulations and him hitting me. (Even tho I had photos for proof). I went to jail and spent a day and a half there. No charges were pushed but it is permanently on my record. Thankfully, when I was released him and all his stuff were gone and I was able to move on with my life. During the process of healing. I meet a kind man. He was loving, calm and his communication was amazing. I feel for him hard. He had his flaws but was perfect in my eyes. After a few weeks of dates we decided to make it official. Before he made that decision, I let him know of my past. I told him EVERYTHING. And the boundaries I’d have because of it. Absolutely no lying, no cheating or talking to other women and abuse (obviously). I learned to be clear about my boundaries, and leave no wiggle room for them to say there was a lot of detail. He Understood, excepted my past and wanted to continue with me. He deleted all dating apps and forms of communication he use for those like Snapchat. Eight months into the relationship while sitting next to him, I noticed a text come through about Snapchat. Saying “ so, and so has messaged you”. I was really confused because I thought he had deleted it. It was never on his phone and I have full access to his phone. He never really hide it. I didn’t say anything and later that download a Snapchat onto his phone and saw over the last 3 to 4 months he had been talking with other women. Somewhere casual and some definitely not. Most of the messages I could not see, but the one I could specifically was detailed talking about past sexual experiences with each other. Asking for videos of her Twerking and making comments on her looks. It destroyed me, I gave up something so sick her to myself, my safety and my trust. And he betrayed that. I couldn’t understand why, though. He truly was a loving kind man.
I’m bringing it up with him he started to lie, but then slowly became truthful. Yes, he’s been using it for the past few months. And he was “just seeking attention.” That it makes him feel better about himself. And truly it had nothing to do with me. Now while he was remorseful and accountable. He refused to say it was actually cheating because there was nothing “physical.” He wanted to see a Couples Therapist with me so we could heal through it. Because truly, he was sorry and didn’t want to lose me. This aspect, though, of not really seeing it as a big deal. Not seeing it is cheating. But only seeing how it’s affected me. Was really bothering me. If he can’t accept what he did was wrong who’s to say he won’t do it again. I also felt like if I took him back, I was breaking my boundaries.
Well, not more than a week after this event. Only 8 months into the relationship, I discovered I was pregnant. This put me into a crazy panic, especially giving my two pregnancies beforehand were extremely traumatic due to my relationship at the time. I went into a straight PTSD attack. When I was finally able to calm down, I told him a few days later. To my surprise, he was beyond excited. His reaction was like one of those you would see on a YouTube video. The reaction you would want to see out of a man. And here I was the one terrified. For obvious reasons.
He told me it would be OK. “We got this.” And let’s just make sure we continue with therapy.
The last month, has been difficult to say the least. My pregnancy hormones along with the cheating. Has put me into a very bad mental state. I’m extremely depressed. And reacting out of my trauma. Now mind you, it’s only been a month since I found out of his betrayal. This isn’t long enough to heal especially when you’re pregnant. But my inability to heal from this is affecting him. He still can’t see why it’s such a big deal to me. That if he was actually sleeping with somebody, that would’ve been way worse. And that I should allow us to “move on from this”
Well, I don’t disagree with him. It’s just not that simple.
I’m living in the what if. I already have two children and struggle to care for them as a single mother. What if he does it again and now I’m a single mother of three children.
I don’t trust myself to forgive him. Because if I drop this wall and it happens again. I don’t know if mentally I can handle it. I feel like I might finally break and never really come back from it.
I just don’t know what to do…………